You are currently browsing posts tagged with Band-Aids

Fashion’s Newest Inspirasian

August 11th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Bai Ling’s Red Carpet Band-Aids


Who knew that Bai Ling was, as Michael Kors would say in that gaysal (gay + nasal) voice of his…”high fashion”? Last week, the NY Times published a story about Band-Aids being the latest fashion craze and even cited Bai Ling as an early adopter.

What’s next? Nipple-slipples as the hottest red carpet accessory? Oh, wait…never mind.

Speaking of Bai and fashion accessories, our favorite alienasian boldly went where every man has gone before and attempted to explain why white dudes love Asian chicks on her blog last week:

Dinner was nice last night, meet with a good director and his chinese lovely wife and his Italian friend, its a trend that westen guys find Asian girl to be their girl friend and wife, they all attracted to the east, which I don’t belame them, we have the pointry the romance and the beauty and the mystery of sex……

…but not, apparently, the good spelling.

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Thanks, Ken!

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The X Files: I Want to Bai-lieve

July 24th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Bai Ling attended the X-Files: I Want to Believe premiere last night looking like a slutty Big Bird, accessorized with–shocker!–a requisite nipple slipple, silver heels, a hint of ass crack, and those stupid fucking band-aids.


Bai doesn’t appear to be in the movie, but if she were, we’re confident she would have been perfect as “one of them.”

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Band-Asian

May 2nd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Bai Ling made a signature appearance at the premiere of What Happens In Vegas this week–looking quite a bit like Wilbur’s favorite arachna-friend, Charlotte, after a long day with Bob Mackie. We were, as always, delighted to see that she was again rocking a pair of “personalized” band-aids on her bruised-up shins while posing wackily on the red carpet.

Somebody once told us that the true philosophical secrets to life actually lie in the most unlikely places.

They include:

1) Snapple® bottle caps

2) Su Ho’s fortune cookies

3) The diary of my neighborhood weed dealer, Marybeth Coozkins

4) The …For the Soul book series

5) Cadbury eggs

6) Bai Ling’s band-aids

So of course we looked closely this time*, to see what new epiphanies were being unlocked! Take a look:

Whoa.

Whoa.

What does it mean? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

*See the original, even *more* DISGRASIAN close-up here.

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Everybody Fugs a Winner

April 8th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Our pals Jess and Heather over at Go Fug Yourself took on an almost insurmountable task last week: determining the 2008 Champion of Fug, also known as the first-ever champion of “Fug Madness.”

Who took home the big honor, you ask? None other than our very own DISGRASIAN Hall-of-Shamer, Bai Ling.

With competition like Victoria Beckham, both Peldon sisters, Britney Spears, and Chloe Sevigny challenging her for the title, Ling certainly had her work cut out for her. Let’s see how she sealed the deal over the last few months:

May 2007.
Bai says “What-eva” to seasonal dressing at Cannes and pairs a hot white bikini with heavy footwear and long outerwear in winter colors. Oh, what a dichotomy! And oh, how gauche!

September 2007.
Bai begins the PR campaign for her new book, Nipples, by wearing customized Band-Aids on her banged-up shins. DISGRASIAN loves the idea so much, we want to kick her in the Band-Aids.


October 2007.

Bai revisits all of the worst “alternative” trends ever to emerge from the youth generation in the last twenty years: mini tees, ironic tees, self-congratulatory tees, bare midriffs, fucked-up belly buttons, distressed denim, short-shorts, ugly belts, tights with shorts, pumps with tights with shorts, pink hair, two-toned hair, colored wigs.

…The result is only slightly worse, however, than the other great offense of that month, Rumer Willis’s “Papa Don’t Preach” appearance at a Declare Yourself event.

January 2008.
Bai rocks a black lace body stocking with a black lace bra and black lace leggings, proving, once and for all, that you can in fact be “too lace for love.”

February 2008.
Bai’s bringin’ Band-Aids back, but this time, to wish the world a Happy Chinese New Year, in English and her native language. DISGRASIAN is up in arms–Jen can’t believe she shares a homeland with this alien, and Diana is shocked at how many veins she can count in homegirl’s feet. BLEGGHHHH. No one can be forgiven for such traumatizasian.

…Which just about brings us to March, wherein Bai focused all of her Fug energy into getting the fug-fug-fuggingest championship award. And when you watch the play-by-play, it’s really no wonder that Bai took home Go Fug Yourself’s coveted grand prize. She had it in the bag the whole time.

Hey, everybody’s gotta win something.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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She Drives Me Crazian

February 8th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Some of you have shown some curiosity as to why there’s been a noticeable absence of Britney Spears discourse on DISGRASIAN of late, especially because her goings-on are so fucking ubiquitous and it’s rare for us to ignore ubiquity. The fact of the matter is that, like many of you, we’ve been well aware for quite some time that the girl is sick. Not sick and twisted, more like really, really sick, scared, crazy, and sad.

What’s going on with her doesn’t entertain or scare us. It does, however, bum us out. We feel a lot of empathy for people that are crazian, especially because we grew up knowing that people like our parents and aunts and uncles and grandparents would do anything in the world to avoid admitting that they, or anyone they know, were nuts (trust us, they were). Why? Because being out of control was scary.

Crazytown is a lonely place, and if you’re headed there, most people don’t want to take the trip with you–unless your name is Britney Spears, in which case, every paparazzo/bored teenager/housewife/Pat O’Brien wants you take them to…Crazytown…so they can photograph every messy step of your messy, crazy life, until you plop down dead in front of them.

That saga isn’t funny or interesting to us. Insanity is some serious shit, dude.

I happened to be thinking about just this when I saw Bai Ling last night. We were both on the “green carpet” for the Annual Peapod Foundation Benefit in Hollywood (don’t bother looking for me; I ditched my pals in front of the photographers to avoid looking like a tired, work-clothed handler labeled as “and guest” in any WireImage photos). Here she was, the Queen of Crazian in the flesh, and for the first time ever, I could observe her from up close and personal.

She was, as expected, sporting those idiotic band-aids on her stupid shins. And after making a few rounds of crazy faces for the snappers, she lingered at the end of the carpet to see if anyone wanted to chat. For about ten minutes, nobody made a bid. I would’ve, but I couldn’t let myself. She was too giddy, too awkward, too unholy–too CRAZIAN. All I could do was snarl.

Eventually, Crazy Bai found a reporter-type that was willing to talk to her, although I made a mental note that the reporter never wrote anything down or recorded a word she said. But I’m burying the headline: BAI WASN’T CRAZY AFTER ALL. She was talking like a normal person, with a slight accent, nothing about being an alien, or nipples, or what does it mean, dick?

Imagine my shock. My horror. Bai’s wackiness is a shtick, a put-on, nothing but an ACT!

Well, I will say this. Jen and I have little to no empathy for actors.

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Bai Ling’s Nipples

October 5th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Bai Ling, our favorite DISGRASIAN street walker, was walking down the street the other day with some sexy, scrappy new leg accoutrement.

Sure, I’ve surmised that the slippery little lady toppled over on some secondhand Vivienne Westwood platforms while drunkenly trying to flash her underthings to a passing city bus. Sure, it made me smile a little. But that’s burying the headline.

And that headline is:

BAI LING TOUTS NEW BOOK: ‘NIPPLES’


…which fills my brain with all sorts of horrible, horrible images.

Like:

and:

and:

and:

…and in the closing chapter…

Please, please somebody strip me of my ability to read.

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