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You may or may not already know that May is Asian-Pacific American Heritage Month. It’s a month meant to celebrate Asians and Pacific Islanders in the United States, all of us! We at DISGRASIAN like to look at this time as an opportunity to take a collective hating break, and to really take note of the wacky and diverse population of AAPIs in this country–AMAZIANS and DISGRASIANS alike! Love or hate, we’re all brothers and sisters.
And fairy godfathers.
Or beautiful family friends that you wish would adopt you away from your Hardass Asian Parents.
Or crazy aunts that you wish would stop attending family parties. Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! The Month Of May (Asian-Pacific American Heritage Month)
Filed under: Angry Asian Man, Asian Americans, Asian Americans United, Asian-Pacific American Heritage Month, Bai Ling, Kal Penn, May, Norman Mineta, Phil Yu, President Barack Obama, Taking a Hating Break, Tamlyn Tomita, Tila Tequila, We Are Family
Beloved Singaporean film director Jack Neo was dubbed “Singapore’s Tiger Woods” this week after his girlfriend of two years–a 22-year-old model/actress that had played bit parts in some of his films–confronted his wife and spilled her story to tabloids. The mistress, Wendy Chong, is just five years younger than Neo’s marriage of 27 years.
For whatever reason, Neo’s wife, Irene, has decided to stay with her husband. She joined him at a press conference and tearfully made a statement about her decision, begging for forgiveness, support, and the public’s blessing. Neo had already stated, “Please give us a second chance.”
As she exited the room, Irene Neo collapsed in sobs and had to be carried out.
Meanwhile, the American Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods, announced that he would be returning to professional golf to compete in the Masters. That’s big news, but not so big as the newly-posted sexts that his former porn star flame, Joslyn James (a woman who dances with the same sultry, poultry flourish as DISGRASIAN hall-of-shamer Bai Ling) has unveiled on an official promo website.
Filed under: Adulterers, Adultery, Affairs, American Chopper, Bai Ling, Cheating, Chicken Dance, Elin Nordegren, Extramarital Affairs, Fame Whores, Forgiveness, Gross Chicks, Hooker Bitches, In Touch Magazine, Irene Neo, Jack Neo, Jesse James, Jesse James Apologizes, Jesse James Apology, Jesse James Cheats On Sandra Bullock, Jesse James Kids, Jilted Spouses, Josyln James, Lame Names, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, Mistresses, Mistresses That Sell Their Stories Are Pathetic, Porn Stars, Sandra Bullock, Sandra Bullock Cancels London Premiere, Sexting, Shame, Shameless Self-Promotion, Singapore's Tiger Woods, Swastikas, Tattoos, Tiger Woods, Wendy Chong
Bai Ling stopped by The Howard Stern Show Wednesday, where she claimed to be drug and alcohol-free. “I’m naturally high,” she said, “if I want alcohol drug I can use myself.” She also went dressed as Stern, although the end result was more Slash circa Appetite for Destruction:
Even though it was three weeks before Halloween and a bit early for costumes, we’re just happy her nipples were tucked away and nowhere to be seen for a change. Well done, Bai!
Having spent years working in TV, I know one universal truth about projects “in development”–there’s a 99% chance that they’ll never see the light of day.
Still, when Hollywood Rag reports that Bai Ling is set to star in Hydrophobia, a famous director’s horror flick (Currently, ah, still in development), as a “sexy femme fatale who lures both men and women into the pool, appearing as a sexy vixen at first who then morphs into an Alien-like creature with razor-sharp piranha teeth capable of opening her mouth as wide as a python to bite a man’s head off,” I get interested quick. Damn quick.
Sure, it sounds inconceivable. Maybe a little stupid. Maybe a little fake. But perhaps Hydrophobia simply seems like a film that won’t ever happen because it’s too good to be true.
Frankly, I’d like to see this film next year, and I believe the rest of you do as well. We are talking about Bai Ling as an Alien-like creature with razor-sharp piranha teeth, for chrissake, and that’s good shit that shouldn’t live in theory. The concept is so crazy that it could work. And Bai Ling is so crazy that she can do that work. Which leads me to one incredible conclusion:
Um, okay, so I’m not exactly sure how this discovery factors into the unemployment crisis, but I feel like I should send this scientific research to a czar somewhere.
Bai Ling stuck her finger in a light socket recently.
The blogosphere has been rather unforgiving regarding rumors that sparked after Bai Ling and Lionel Richie apparently shared some laughter and conversation over dinner at the Santa Monica Viceroy last Thursday.
“Lionel is 60 years old and has been divorced twice – his second marriage ended in 2004, when he and Diane Alexander split after nearly nine years of marriage. Bai Ling is 42 years old, and totally strange.”
If the rumors of a budding romance are true, I actually think they might fit quite nicely together. Underneath it all, she could be an incredibly pensive soul, as reflected by her prose. And a poetic soul, he certainly is. I mean, HELLO:
Could be magical! Even though he can’t rock an accent (at least, not temporarily) and she certainly does with “finesse,” if these two crazy kids can find love in the worst of towns, who the heck are we to stop them?
Bai Ling, who appears in Crank: High Voltage (a movie, an actual movie, in theaters), which opens today, recently told Movieline:
“I deserve so much more than the roles I get offered now. I’m one of the best actresses. One day I will win an Oscar. I’m already winning it. I just have to find the platform to show it. I’m already winning it! I’ve got that talent.“
So who do you think is more cuckoo-for-cocoa-puffs? Bai Ling or the Hipster Grifter?
What do Fidel Castro, Tila Tequila, Perez Hilton, Bai Ling, and Diana & Jen have in common?
We’re ALL… BLOGGERS!!!
Yeah, that’s right. Castro is blogging. And yes, this post has us thinking the same thing you are: Perhaps Jen and I should find a new profession.
Page Six, ever the bearer of truthful word, reported today that wow-and-I-do-mean-wow-face Mickey Rourke was accosted by Bai Ling at Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont just the other night. In Richard Johnson’s own icky words, the odd duo “made out and partied pretty hard.”
I’ll be honest. My gut reaction was to write: Dude, I thought Rourke was freaking uh-mazing in his unrelenting lead role in ‘The Wrestler‘. That, however, did not cause me to hearken back to his younger, more beautiful days, and rekindle a desire to suck his mangled face. Dude, Bai. Do your Adductor thigh muscles only respond to IMDB stats? What is the deal?
Then, of course, I had to go and do what I loathe most: a little research. This naturally led me down a slippery slope to one of Bai Ling’s online biographies–which includes the following blurb about her personal life:
She is friends with Kimberly Stewart. She dated a play actor in the mid-1980s in China, and music composer Qu Xiao-Song in the mid 1990s, and Chris Isaak 1999-2001. She was briefly said to be romantically linked to Backstreet Boy Nick Carter. Rumors spread that Bai was engaged to him, but Carter denied the rumors, saying they were “just friends”. More recently, Ling has been linked to Dionne Warwick’s son, Damon Elliott, though the two are not currently dating.
ZzzZzZzzzzSo… okay. How can anyone with even a pittance of warmth in their heart (that’s about all I’ve got) look at that sad little collection of facts and not feel kinda bad for the poor woman? Ling’s personal life, despite her fondness for dancing and easily accessible breasts, actually seems duller than Sienna Miller’s mangy hair. I wouldn’t wish that kind of dry love life on anyone, not even this crazy bitch.
So instead, I’m really very psyched for Ling, and happy about the fact that she got some aggressive tongue action the other night, even if it makes me go “Eww.” Here’s hoping she got felt up and maybe even fingerbanged! Anything to spice up that sad little paragraph.
And–guys, take a look at Rourke’s fuckin’ FACE!–I do mean anything.
Not sure what perplexes me more:
A) Bai Ling was invited to a legitimate Golden Globes after-party.
B) Bai Ling was not nude at said legitimate Golden Globes after-party.
C) Bai Ling’s peace sign actually looks spirited and, well, peaceful.
D) I truly have nothing mean to say about Bai Ling after looking at the above photograph. Nothing mean at all. NOTHING MEAN WHATSOEVER.
This series of conundrums obviously leads me to believe that the world is coming to an end. Take cover, guys!
Someone had the stroke of genius to ask Bai Ling who she might be voting for in the Presidential election (BTW, is she an actual citizen, and can she vote? Please, God, say “no”), and she–in a roundabout manner that would make any 501c3, non-partisan, non-profit, get-out-the-vote-campaign director proud–endorsed no one. Okay, to be more accurate, Ms. Ling rattled off, “I think, somebody, uh, this two candidates, I don’t really know them that well”–which seemed like better than nothing, since I always expect her to simply say, “Eep! Opp! Ork! Midriff! What does it mean, ‘dick?’”
Instead, like all of our favorite legislators, she started talking about values:
Who knew that Bai Ling was, as Michael Kors would say in that gaysal (gay + nasal) voice of his…”high fashion”? Last week, the NY Times published a story about Band-Aids being the latest fashion craze and even cited Bai Ling as an early adopter.
What’s next? Nipple-slipples as the hottest red carpet accessory? Oh, wait…never mind.
Speaking of Bai and fashion accessories, our favorite alienasian boldly went where every man has gone before and attempted to explain why white dudes love Asian chicks on her blog last week:
Dinner was nice last night, meet with a good director and his chinese lovely wife and his Italian friend, its a trend that westen guys find Asian girl to be their girl friend and wife, they all attracted to the east, which I don’t belame them, we have the pointry the romance and the beauty and the mystery of sex……
…but not, apparently, the good spelling.