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What Do Men Know About Love? Just Ask ‘Em.

March 23rd, 2010 | 12 comments | Posted by Diana

My friend Abe has been working on a new video project/site called The Man’s Guide To Love, which launched this month and will evolve over the next year. He and three other filmmakers ask hundreds of men from around the country to talk, man to man, about love and relationships, and release one new statement a day.

A lot of guys on the site so far seem to think that the best way to keep a woman happy is to nod your head and say nothing more than “Yes, dear.” This horrifies me. It’s the kind of philosophy that causes men to resent their spouses and women to think their husbands are pussies. I mean, I want to be right all the time–but that’s because I’m an Asian and therefore never wrong right all the time, not because some penis-for-brains is too lazy to disagree with me. Ick!

But I don’t quite know how I feel about today’s man, Edward. He’s a 29-year-old with a grungy demeanor, who claims he “always be closin’” with the ladies (which I somehow believe).

Edward says: “You gotta sell dreams… Tell them what they want to hear, just sell them the dream. Put your pride down a little bit, and then tell em what they want to hear, that’s all I gotta say. After that, just keep quiet, keep everything to yourself, y’know, rat to your boys. After that, it’s all good.”

Hunh. What do you think? Weigh in [FYI, the survey below works on Google Chrome and Safari, but seems to be buggy with Firefox]!
Continue reading What Do Men Know About Love? Just Ask ‘Em.

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Leave Him, Nicole! He’s Just A Tool. [Tool Academy Spoiler Alert?]

October 6th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Dear Reality TV Gods,

I don’t ask for much, right? Most of the time I just check in, see how you’re doing, sacrifice a few hooker bitches in the fire pit, and call it a day.

But on this very special day, I’ve got one request. I’d like to pray for the elimination of one dude douche from Tool Academy 2 this week.

Terry “T Shaw,” Super Tool

The thing is, I’ve had my eye on this dork Terry all season, and assumed he’d be gone by now. For starters, he’s not cute enough for his too-nice-and-too-pretty girlfriend, Nicole (pictured, left). He’s not cute at all, IMHO (I suck at Interwebz acronymz and that’s my first time using “IMHO,” by the way–think it workz?), especially when you take his man boobs, white sunglasses, and poseur-popped collar into account. [shudders]

Listen, I know Nicole’s got a role in this too. She started dating this fool, and after lots of bad years is still willing to take it to the Academy to make the relationship work (Maybe she’s a doormat, but hey. she’s a telegenic one with resolve). However, she’s a woman looking at long years of potentially wasteful love–I feel like her judgment is impaired. After all, in just half her stay at the Tool Academy, she’s watched tape of her boyfriend doing bodyshots off of a bunch of dirrrty lady plants…


…witnessed her relationship being referred to as a “speed bump, not a stop sign,” then sat through her dude’s pathetic, foot-in-mouth speech about how she’s “not his type,” but that’s a “good” thing…

…and on and on. Then there was the nonsense of 2 weeks ago, when Terry lost his shit watching Nicole receive a cheesy hand massage from a gentleman recruited for a set-up date. And the madness of last week, when he used both therapy and a “romantic date” to tell Nicole that she was out of line and couldn’t be trusted.

Wait, SHE can’t be trusted?

All of the above is in addition to Terry’s bullying of Nicole through the entirety of a physical, arduous team competition that nearly made her vomit (Who cares about spew when you might win something?).

Gods, I’d honestly hoped that you’d do the right thing in episode 5 and dump Terry for being a little bitch. But you didn’t. You cut the giant tool for thrashing your set in prior episodes (weird).

Frankly, I’m not sure that I trust Nicole to cut him either. She should’ve walked out on Terry by now, in a glamorous exit of flipping the bird and yelling, “Fuck this stupid fake fucking VH1 school and, by the way, fuck fucking you, you fat, ugly, idiotic assfuck!” She should have, and she might. But I’m not convinced she’s there yet.

The thing is, I like Nicole. I feel bad for her, and I think she needs to take a step back and realize she’s way too good for this nonsense. She needs a self-esteem boost, and I feel like I’ve got tons of male buddies that would be willing to “boost” for her (Just call and say the word, lady!).

So this is where you come in, Gods. Let’s trash this fool. Please make him go out with such a bang this week that he weeps in the elimination, weeps on the podium, and weeps as Nicole dumps his stupid ass. May he never hold her hand again, or do body shots anywhere within a 3,000 mile vicinity of her perky little figure. She can do so much better. Can’t we all?

Thanks so much, and I’ll def be sacrificing more hooker bitches tonight!

Bye!

Amen,
Diana

[VH1 - Tool Academy]

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Spousal Relasians

July 25th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The Washington Post recently did a feature on the National Chauvinistic Husbands Association (see accompanying video above), a self-starter group in Japan focused on coaxing its members into treating their wives better. The Association formed in light of the recent change in Japanese law that allows a wife filing for divorce to claim as much as half her husband’s company pension.

We guess it’s no surprise… sense doesn’t ever seem to guide people to do right, but dolla dolla bills sure as hell do (do you think Hummer lovers would be lining up to buy Priuses if they weren’t currently paying $180 a tank?). As lame as we think it is that any hubbies need to “learn” how to be nice to their wife (i.e. call when they’re gonna be late, talk at night, say “I love you” with some genuine emotion, etc.), we do like one thing about the group’s methodical teachings:

The fight mantra.

I can’t win. I won’t win. I don’t want to win.”

Dude. Now we’re talking.

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