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Boob Ram

May 7th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

“Don’t Ram the Boobs” seems like a game that my boyfriend would invent after a night of Tecate, spicy pizza, medicinal pot, Cazadores, White Castle burgers, a round of Trivial Pursuit, three pot cookies, two quesadillas, Modelo Especial, a few rounds of “How Hard Can You Squeeze a Raw Agg Before It Cracks and Splatters Everywhere?”, a 32oz. of Miller High Life, one more pot cookie, an around-the-room test of “Who Can Eat a Tablespoon of Cinnamon?”, a plate of Thai larb salad, and three bottles of Pellegrino.

I can just imagine coming home to a very rudimentary setup of “DRTB” accompanied by the words, “But honey! All you have to do is wear this bikini and STAND THERE!”

Sounds pretty fun. And let’s be honest. I’m my mom’s flat-chested progeny, and I’m not getting fakies anytime soon–which could give the dude and his fellow contestants quite the handicap. I’m IN.


Thanks, Thomas!

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Bloody Hell!

October 18th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

You know it’s a bad night when you find yourself at some ugly nightclub, screaming loudly over some god awful DJ’s blazing trip through the weekly top 40, your ass sticking to the fake leather seats, your head throbbing, and some woman in what could essentially be called swimwear at your side with a tray of colored shots in small vials. “We call them test tubes!” she’ll chirp. “They’re only ten dollars and they’re goooooooooood.”

(Not that I’ve ever had a night like this.)

I’ve always wondered what kind of person buys one of those icky-looking vials and throws it down their gullet with glee. Vials remind me of blood tests, or awkward trips to the gyno, or being cold during a chemistry test, or breaking the high school’s only centrifuge (not that I’ve ever done this), and a number of other things that mostly include unpleasantry.

Which may be the reason why I responded with such shock to a report from Reuters this week that confirmed the jailing of a Hong Kong man who popped back two actual vials of blood after stumbling wasted into a hospital:

Li Man-yiu, 29, told a court Monday he was “extremely thirsty” when he staggered into a hospital on September 13 for treatment for an injured toe, the South China Morning Post reported.

Surveillance cameras showed Li “walk up to the laboratory counter, take three tubes containing blood samples, drink the contents of two and then dump the vials in the lift lobby,” the Post reported.

Shit, man. Bad night???


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