Listen, I’ll admit it. Every time I look at Angelina with her brood of cutest children ever, my uterus starts to quake a little. And I’m not really into kids, quite frankly–they seem way too easy to break, and they always need to be fed Cheerios or mac ‘n cheez, and they always ask questions like “Why? But why? But why? But why?”–and once they’re three, they’re only a decade away from being a teenager with a cell phone/belly ring/penchant for HATING YOU. Blegh.
But look at those little elbow patches on Pax! How can they be ignored? Just one glance at his soft little nose and Zahara’s cute lips and Maddox’s furrowed brow makes me want to start collecting children like Limoges boxes. I think it happens to us all, and I simply can’t fault us for it.
But sometimes these things take a downhill spiral. Take Lindsay Lohan, for instance, who recently told Marie Claire, “At some point … I want to adopt a kid … A child in need or a newborn from another country. I’m not sure yet.”
Um, BAD IDEA. HUGELY BAD IDEA. At the very least, I must warn all the little baby orphans in y’know, like, other countries–at least Vietnam–to cover their heads and RUN. By all assumptions, Lohan could be casting a very wide net.
Three teens in aptly-named Rogue River, Oregon, are facing felony charges of burglary, theft, and vandalism. Oh, and retahdation. The three boys, ages 15 to 16, fancied themselves Ninjas and, as the purpley prose of one local Oregonian paper described, they “graduated to burglary after skulking across rooftops and ghosting through people’s yards at night.” You can check out one of the perps’ MySpace pages here–from which I gathered this pic:
“Demented and sad, but social.”
The best part of the story is that Rogue River’s police chief Ken Lewis, had this to say about who was to blame for the boys’ crime spree, “I think they watched too many Jackie Chan movies and got caught up in the fantasy.”