You are currently browsing posts tagged with Bad Hair Days
BEHOLD! The all-new Honda Civic, in its full and shiny glory on display yesterday at the Detroit Auto Show. And looky here, an au naturel Pete Wentz, pitching the revamped 2012 model to audiences while plugging Fall Out Boy’s spot on this year’s upcoming Honda Civic Tour.
I’ve always hated (like, HATED) Wentz’s stupid emo haircut, but now that I’ve seen its alternative, DEAR GOD do I want those ugly, flat bangs back.
Bai Ling stuck her finger in a light socket recently.
On the very day that I wondered WTF was up with Kate Gosselin’s schizoid hair, she and Jon gave an “exclusive” to Entertainment Weekly (question: is it still considered an exclusive when she also gave an interview to People in the same week?), wherein she talked about her hair and how “(e)verybody wants it.”
“It’s my attitude! Everybody wants it. It’s work. I have very, very thick hair, so it’s not going to work for everybody. I’ve seen people come through the book line with thin hair and it’s just won’t work. My hair stylist gets calls from all across the country.“
Uh, everybody, Kate?
We know how much you hate lies. And guess what? So do we.
We now interrupt our regularly scheduled Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus He Said, She Said Plus Tabloid Drama Plus A Publicist’s Worst Nightmare/Wet Dream Plus Jon Maybe Cheating with That 23 Year-Old Schoolteacher Plus Kate Maybe Cheating with Her Bodyguard Plus Who Could Blame Kate Since the Bodyguard Looks Like James Brolin Circa His Courtship with Babs Plus We Still Don’t Know Why We’re Talking About This Since the Show Bores Us to Tears…(deep breath) to bring you A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE.
What the fug is up with Kate Gosselin’s hair?!
From the back, it looks like a freak Weed Wacker hair abortion.
Together, it reminds me of Harvey Dent/Two-Face.
Is it true that you colored and set foils in a client’s hair, threw her under the dryer, and burnt the living shiznit out of her cabeza?
According to a lawsuit filed today in L.A. County Superior Court, one of Kim’s clients — an actress named Carly Steele — came to his Beverly Hills salon for a coloring in January. Things were going fine until Carly claims the aluminum foil Kim personally applied and set under a hair dryer began burning her, causing her hair and scalp “to smoke and burn.”
In the suit, Steele claims, “she leapt from the chair” and people tried to remove the foil — but, “they too were unable to remove the scalding and fiery foil and coloring agent which were scorching and sizzling into [Carly's] hair, scalp and head.
YEESH. Dude, that’s not good practice, even when dealing with lesser-known clients. I mean, how hard is this process for you? Aren’t you some kind of “top colorist,” at least according to reality producers? Can you imagine if Gordon Ramsay set a nightmare kitchen on fire while preparing a simple bolognese? My god, you should be better than this!
Just stay away from my head. That’s all I care about. Stay the funk away from my head.
Sanjaya “Hell No I’m Not Gaysian” Malakar will soon release his first post-American Idol EP, “Dancing to the [techno/house remix and Madonna] Music in my Head.” Psyched? It’s available for pre-order on Amazon right now:
And somewhere, all huddled together in a room: the Debarge guys, Menudo kids, Lionel Richie, and Billy Ocean in fetal position on the floor, punching themselves in their respective neckmeats for not coming up with this album cover themselves.
ZAC: Yeah, baby.
VANESSA: [eyeing Zac sweetly] I love you…
ZAC: [eyes aglaze] Mmhmm.
VANESSA: Ahem. I love you…
ZAC: Yep. [frowning suddenly] Babe, these seats are courtside. Aren’t you watching the game?
VANESSA: Yes, but for some reason, I feel like I hate Kobe.
ZAC: Hunh. I don’t see why. Don’t you at least find him kinda hot? I think he–I mean, if I was a girl–I’d think he was pretty hot.
VANESSA: [slightly thrown] Well I, uh, I mean yeah, I guess I’m with you, there. He’s hot.
ZAC: Totally. I was actually thinking of buying that $100,000 vintage tennis racquet he signed.
VANESSA: Why on earth would you do that?
ZAC: Because you also get lunch with Kobe at Carl’s Jr.!
VANESSA: You never eat at Carl’s Jr.! You said it makes people fat!
ZAC: Well, I would go if Kobe were there.
VANESSA: [eyes narrowing] What about me?
ZAC: What about you? Are you bidding, too?
VANESSA: [smacks forehead with her hand]
ZAC: I look kinda like a dark knight tonight.
VANESSA: [peeved] You look like a poseur.
ZAC: I’m a rebel without a cause!
VANESSA: In what way are you a rebel? Tell me. Is it the paycheck you get from Disney or the facial you got on Monday?
ZAC: Well, my hair, for one.
VANESSA: You have fifteen gallons of Bumble & Bumble in your hair. You look like you’re in the sequel to Hairspray.
ZAC: I’m wearing all black! This is real leather!
VANESSA: [sneering] My ex-boyfriend was a real rebel. He wore pleather.
ZAC: You stop that right now.
VANESSA: What’s wrong… jealous?
ZAC: Pleather is just…tacky. They give my thighs a rash.
VANESSA: I don’t quite know what to say.
ZAC: What’d you say?
VANESSA: Nothing. Just watching the game. Go Knicks.
I actually thought this picture of my 58-year old Aunt Tracy–who is currently enjoying her second marriage/big house/new penchant for “trendy haircuts”–was pretty good, until I realized that it wasn’t her.
Britney Spears getting her tresses dressed at the Kim Vo salon in Beverly Hills, CA this week:
BRITNEY: Y’all are so nice. Thanks for takin’ my appointment on such short notice.
FEMALE STYLIST: You gave us each five grand in cash and threatened to lay naked across our cars if we didn’t stay open.
FEMALE STYLIST: It’s okay, Britney. You’re not well. We’re here to help.
BRITNEY: Awww! Y’all are so sweet!
FEMALE STYLIST: Mm-hmm.
BRITNEY: Can the paparazzios see me here?
FEMALE STYLIST: Yes, there’s a window.
BRITNEY: Why am I sittin’ by the window, y’all?
MALE STYLIST: You requested the window seat so that you could see all of the paparazzi-er-ohs.
BRITNEY: Oh! Alright, good.
MALE STYLIST: Bitch, you’re gonna look fierce when you walk outta here.
BRITNEY: That’s what y’all keep sayin’ but my paparazzerias friends, sometimes when they’re being mean to me, they say my head looks all nappy, and I’m all like errrrrr… whatever!
FEMALE STYLIST: (sternly, to male stylist) Um… Christian, would you mind grabbing me some more foils? (he exits)
BRITNEY: (whistles) So how come I never see Kim anymore? Is this not the (makes bunny ears quotation marks) Kim Vo salon?
MALE STYLIST: (from the other room) He’s sick!
BRITNEY: You said that last time. And the last time. And the time before that, y’all. I been wantin’ to tell him that I after I found out he was French/Viennese, I ate like a boatload of Vienna sausages. They were awesome!
FEMALE STYLIST: Sweetie, he’s French/Vietnamese. Vietnam is in ASIA. I am also from ASIA. We don’t eat Vienna sausages.
BRITNEY: Oh. Y’all should though.
FEMALE STYLIST: Mm hmm.
BRITNEY: So is he really sick?
FEMALE STYLIST: No, darlin’. He just doesn’t want to be responsible for this dead animal living on top of your head. And if you tell anyone that I did it, I’m gonna be sick the next time you call too.
MALE STYLIST: (from the other room) You’re FIERCE, Brit!
Sanjaya Malakar got the second-LOWEST number of votes tonight on American Idol.
The ship’s sinking!