You are currently browsing posts tagged with Asshats

BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Bill O’Reilly

September 9th, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

Oh gosh!!! Happy happy happy 61st birthday, Bill O’Reilly!!!




Just kidding, you old fuck. You’re awful. Awful. AWFUL.

Instead, we’d like to celebrate the birth of another older gent, who’s only offended us once or twice: Senator Daniel Inouye, happy 86th birthday (two days ago)! May you you remain cuddly and tan. Let’s talk politics next week.




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Thank You, Josh Schwartz, for the Gift of Life

March 17th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

In advance of Monday’s new Gossip Girl episode, “The Age of Annoyance Dissonance,” wherein the students of Constance Billiard and St. Jude put on Edith Wharton’s The Age of Innocence as a play (within-a-play! so clever!), GG creator Josh Schwartz told fans, “You have not lived until you’ve seen Nelly Yuki in a fat suit in The Age of Innocence.” (Nelly plays Mrs. Mingott, a fat widow/grandmother.)


And boy was he right. We had not lived until we saw an Asian Nerd character be the fat butt of a joke on a television show. Nope. Never seen that before. Especially not on Gossip Girl. So thank you, thank you, Josh Schwartz, for giving us the gift of life!

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What a F*cking Idiot

September 12th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

So, Chuck Norris is an actor, right?

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Why the Hasian?

April 25th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

David Tuason, a Filipino man pushing 50 in Cleveland, OH, has plead “not guilty” to charges of writing hateful, racist letters to Black Americans (often after they were spotted with white women) over the past twenty years.

The official charges: two counts of transmitting threatening interstate communications and six counts of mailing threatening communications. Targets included Clarence Thomas and Derek Jeter.

The Associated Press reports:

The FBI says Tuason wrote threatening letters over two decades, often targeting black men who were seen with white women. The letters dated to the late 1980s, seemed to stop in the early 1990s, but started again later that decade.

FBI agents found Tuason a few months ago when he started sending messages via e-mail instead of U.S. mail, authorities said.

My goodness. As if being a narrow-minded, repulsive, racist prick (fine, alleged) isn’t stupid enough–Tuason shows that idiocy knows no bounds by getting busted in the most obvious way possible. Thank god for his lack of intellect. I’m thrilled that his DISGRASIAN brain didn’t think he could possibly be traced through electronic mail. When has that ever happened?

On another note, I’m pysched that this psycho is behind bars for now–but why do I feel ashamed?

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Barry "Perjury Shmerjury" Bonds

December 7th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Barry Bonds, aka fat Juicer aka lying cheating steroid-taking asshat, showed his absolute aversion to shame today when he entered his not guilty plea in court for charges of perjury.

The Associated Press reports:

The indictment charges Bonds with lying when he testified he never knowingly used performance-enhancing drugs, even though prosecutors say he flunked a private steroids test in 2000. Bonds’ personal surgeon, Dr. Arthur Ting, collected the blood sample and is expected to be called as a witness if Bonds’ case goes to trial.

Bonds, after a big display of waving and smiling to fans, maintained his innocence. And frankly, we didn’t buy it–not that it matters.

Perhaps his defense attorney, Allen Ruby, said it best: “Mr. Bonds is a Major League Baseball player.”

‘Nuff said.

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What’s the Opposite of "Bravo?" BOOOOO.

August 28th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

It’s so rare for Jen or me to dislike an honest-to-goodness Gay. For the most part, they’re quite lovely and fun–odds are in favor that they’ll dance with us, they’re frequently good-looking, and even more frequently well-dressed. Sometimes, however, they embarrass us (like Disgaysian hall-of-famer Bobby Trendy) or repress and shame themselves (i.e. Sen. Larry Craig – R)–warranting them a spot on our friend’s sweet blog, Homo Shame.

So when I was first introduced to the work of William Sledd (gay-blogger-of-the-Bravo-hour, otherwise known as a self-made YouTube gaylebrity) today, I assumed there might be something to like about him. Then I investigated his website.

STRIKE ONE: He’s from Kentucky. Oh God, don’t hate me… their fried chicken may be great, but this land can be a nightmarish one for the Asians, ‘naw mean?

STRIKE TWO: He’s got one of them there stupid slanted haircuts. What a poser. No self-respecting, fabulous, fierce homo could rock that look with pride. Ugh.

and then came…

STRIKE THREE:

In this incredibly awkward and dull photo/video account of a night carousing in Bravo fantasylandzzZZZZZzzzzz, Sledd seals the deal with one coffin-nailing sentence.

“I made friends with some Harajuku Girls.”

You’re out.
You. Little. Bitch.

Oh William Sledd, whoever you are, you better hope your Gap-covered ass never crosses paths with Jen and Diana, ‘cuz it’s gonna be grass.

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Homo Shame

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Two Asshats Walk Into an Edit Bay

June 14th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Two reasons not to see Rush Hour 3 this summer: “Oh c’mon, we all look alike” and “wersus.” Oh yeah, and the two asshats in this video.

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Low-Rent Alert

May 18th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Ever since the UPN-WB networks merged into the CW, it’s all gone to shit. They’ve canceled Veronica Mars, which became trivial this year after abandoning the format of a year-long, whodunnit story-arc, and long-running shows like Seventh Heaven and Gilmore Girls (don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful on both counts). Smallville and One Tree Hill are both returning and they’re tripe. It says something when America’s Next Top Model is the CW’s only crowning achievement, and when they’re conducting ANOTHER SEARCH for the next Pussycat Doll. Aren’t there enough already?

Look at them. They’re a small army. We could send them to Iraq in these numbers. Ooh–there’s an idea.

Fittingly, the CW Upfronts party, held at the Buddah Bar in New York, was a sad affair. This poor girl had to serve drinks there:

The first time I saw this photo, I wasn’t sure if this cocktail waitress was dressed as a Geisha or a suicidal clown about to stab a kid in the eye with a balloon animal. Is it my subconscious talkin’ or does she look like she’s got a cleaver stuck in her skull? What do you call that hat/fan/cleaver? Is that what people are talking about when they say “ASSHAT”? And why do those drinks she’s serving look like POO?

Here’s the upshot. Laura Palmer’s dad was at the party.

Or should I say “BOB”?

Oh shit. I just scared myself.

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