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Here’s a romantic story…
A Japanese robotics professor falls for a beautiful female employee of Kokoro (Sanrio’s humanoid robot division). They tumble deeply in love, and are married at a beautiful ceremony, surrounded by family and friends. The sacred, romantic service is officiated by none other than their close friend… a humanoid robot with the world’s cutest voice.
And no, it wasn’t Ann Curry:
Robot. Wedding. Robot. Wedding.
OMG OMG OMG I JUST HAVE CREEPY AWKWARD TINGLES RUNNING ALL THROUGH MY BODY RIGHT NOW! MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!
[via Boing Boing]
Filed under: Asians and Their Unholy Obsession with Technology, Awkward Moments, Cute Voices, Humanoid Robots, Japanese Robots, KokoroS, Robot Officiates Wedding, Robotics Professor, Robots, Sanrio, Seriously? Marriage Is Sacred?, Stiff Ceremonies, Weddings, Weddings are Stupid, Weird Japanese Behavior
I hate iPhone apps. I only have Facebook and Pandora on my phone, because I don’t want to masturbate all day with it. Isn’t it enough that I simply have a phone? (Remember when Diana prayed to the Technology God to give me an iPhone? Well, it worked. Believe in the power of prayer, kids.) Do I need it to be a harmonica, too? Do I really need it to tell me my mood (answer: no, because I’m usually pissed off) and calculate a tip for me (answer: no, because one should never be too lazy to do simple math)? And can someone please tell me what is so amazing about that stupid chalk man and why I would want to see him dancing around like a bone-less, cracked-out raver? Or what, pray tell, is so cool about making my phone fart?
Whatever. I get that that’s my issue. I guess it’s also my issue that I don’t get the Geisha iPhone app. She’s a geisha! And she dances just for you! Yeah, she dances just for you. Imagine a horrible version of The Robot crossed with Benjamin Button’s glide-step when he was on crutches accompanied by ching-chongy music that will make you seriously contemplate ritual suicide. I know this because I had to buy the damn thing to bag on it and now it’s cluttering my phone and, I fear, my life.
But why stop at geishas? Why not have a stripper app? Or better yet, a lap dance app? Why not have the iPhone also be a dildo? It already vibrates, so you’re halfway there.
I’m not a tech-snob or anything, but…
It’s confirmed. I’m a sucker. I know that Apple could give a shit that my laptop squeaks every time I open it, that it takes a thousand bucks to fix a cracked monitor even while it’s under warranty, that my computer plug was determined too obsolete to sell in-store–nine months after my computer was purchased, that my iPod is guaranteed to die every twenty-eight weeks, that the reason I back all of my information up is not because I’m anal but because I know my life will crash when the Mac products decide to up and die out of nowhere. They don’t care. Their stuff is the best. It’s the shiniest. It’s the chicest. It thinks the way I want to think, it moves the way I want to move, Apple products do it better (until they go kaput).
And now, Steve Jobs has unveiled the ultimate coup–The MacBook Air. So tiny, so thin, so powerful. It can fit into a little manila envelope. The Air is so cute, and I am not only an Apple sucker but an ASIAN one.
And so, if Steve is peddling a new, tiny cute thing, you’re goddamnned right I want it.
You still look good to me, but we’ve come a long way, baby.
Haven’t you wanted to throttle people who think you’re a Japanese tourist when you’re within 10 feet of a camera? It’s outrageous! We’re not tourists! We don’t all have cameras!
Er…well, some of us do, I guess.