DISGRASIAN™

An Olympic Medal By Default Would Smell As Sweet

In the nail-biter Final of the women’s 3,000-meter speed skate relay last night, the South Korean anchor whizzed across the finish line in gold medal position–with Chinese rivals scowling at their tail, Canada scrambling just behind, and the U.S. over a half-lap away.

Minutes later, South Korea got disqualified for this bump, which happened during the last turn:

A little bump 'n' grind

And with the leaders out, et voilà, the lagging U.S. team instantly became a team of bronze medalists.

Luck be four ladies tonight!

Continue reading An Olympic Medal By Default Would Smell As Sweet

Filed under: 2010 Winter Olympics, Asians and Speed Skating, Bronze Medal, Bumps, Canada, China, Disqualificasian, Rivals, South Korea, South Korea Women's Relay Team Disqualified, Speed Skating, the Olympics, United States Bronze Medal, Vancouver Olympics, Vancouver Winter Olympics, Whooppsie, Winter Olympics

BABEWATCH: Miho Takagi

Name: Miho Takagi

Age: 15 (please don’t perv out, pervs)

Occupation: Student, Olympic speed skater

Hails from: Japan

Why She’s A Babe: Though she hasn’t medaled in these Olympic games, Takagi catches our eye every time she’s on the ice. With a baby-sweet grin, bitchin’ lean muscles, and cute-as-hell pixie bob haircut, she always manages to look both athletic, slick and chic–even in a gold lamé racing suit.

And about that uniform… many netizens saw published practice photos of the teen and gleefully pointed out that her suit revealed a dainty G-string, but it turned out the Continue reading BABEWATCH: Miho Takagi

Filed under: 2010 Winter Olympics, Asians and Speed Skating, Cute Asian Chicks, Cute Kids, Female Athletes, G-Strings, Hot Haircuts, Japan, Japanese Athletes, Miho Takagi, Racing Suit, Speed Skating, Teenagers, Underwear, Vancouver Winter Olympics, Winning Isn't Everything, Winter Olympics

AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Apolo Anton “What Seven Medals?” Ohno

Name:

Age: 27

Hails from: Seattle, WA

Occupation: Olympic short-track speed skater

Known for: Championship bling. After winning his seventh Olympic medal on Saturday night, becoming the most decorated American Winter Olympic athlete of all time. Proving that the time-tested technique of Hardass Asian Parenting, via single father Yuki, can pay off in spades. Showcasing excellent hip control. Somehow being extremely hot despite a chronic case of chin pubes.

Apolo’s name was derived from the Greek words “Ap,” (“steer away from”) and “lo,” Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Apolo Anton “What Seven Medals?” Ohno

Filed under: 2010 Olympics, 7 Olympic Medals, Apolo Anton Ohno, Apolo Anton Ohno Most Decorated Winter Olympian, Asians and Speed Skating, Awesomeness, Champions, Chin Pubes, Dancing With the Stars, Everybody Loves a Winner, Excellence, Hardass Asian Dads, Hardass Asian Parenting, Olympians, Seattle, Seven Olympic Medals, Speed Skating, the Olympics, Vancouver Olympics, Vancouver Winter Olympics, Winter Olympics, Yuki Ohno

BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Mo Tae-Bum

When I turned 21, I received a wealth of gifts. They included:

• sixer of Smirnoff ice

• knockoff version of Barbie’s little sister, Skipper

• 3 “Your first time coming here legally?? It’s on the muzzafuzzin’ house!!!” shots seeminly comprised of sugar and scope

• my first DVD porn

• 4.5 Appletinis (so hot right then)
  

• 13 unidentified flying cocktails

• framed photo of me with a bunch of swell college chicks in dresses holding up cocktails

• hickey

• hangover

SIMILARLY, on Korean Olympic speed skater’s Mo Tae-Bum’s 21st birthday (February 15), he received…

Continue reading BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Mo Tae-Bum

Filed under: 2010 Winter Olympics, 21st Birthday, Asians and Speed Skating, Best Presents Ever, Birthdays, Booze, Celebrasians, Everybody Loves a Winner, Glory, Gold Medalists, Gold Medals Rule, Honor, Hugging Does Not Come Naturally To Us, Hugs, Mo Tae-Bum, Similarities, Skaters, Smirnoff Ice, Speed Skating, the Olympics, Vancouver Winter Olympics, Winter Olympics

AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! J.R. Celski

Name: J.R. Celski

Age: 19

Ethnicity: Filipino and Polish

Hails from: Federal Way, WA

Occupation: Olympic short-track speed skater

Known for: Making an astonishing comeback at the 2010 Winter Games by winning bronze in the 1500, after crashing at the Olympic Trials five months before, cutting open his left leg to the bone with his skate, and missing his femoral artery by one inch. Having a Hardass Asian Mama who believed in him, who raced out onto the ice after his accident and told him when he thought his Olympic Dream was over: “No, it’s not over, J.R. You’re going to be fine.” Becoming the sport’s heir apparent to Apolo Anton Ohno, who took silver in the 1500 to tie Bonnie Blair’s record of most medals won (six) at a Winter Olympics.

On that note…

Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! J.R. Celski

Filed under: 2010 Winter Olympics, Apolo Anton Ohno, Apolo Anton Ohno Most Decorated Winter Olympian, Apolo Anton Ohno Ties Bonnie Blair, Asians and Speed Skating, Comebacks, Hardass Asian Moms, Hardass Asian Mothers, J.R. Celski, J.R. Celski Bronze 1500, Vancouver Winter Olympics