You are currently browsing posts tagged with “Asian Themes”
What are we all doin’ tomorrow night? A little birdie tells me that Kobe’s having a par-tay!
And it sure ain’t to celebrate his Lakers’ mortifying loss on Wednesday to the Cleveland Cavs.
Rather, tomorrow the 5-time NBA champ, 2-time NBA Finals MVP, Olympic Gold Medalist and DISGRASIAN Hall-of-Shamer will receive an honor that no other athlete has ever received: cement prints in front of Hollywood’s Grauman’s Chinese Theater.
And before you any of you start grossing me out by wondering aloud how big those hand and footprints are (seriously, BLEGH) please allow me to direct our attention back to the far more important headline: THERE’S GONNA BE A RAGER! You too can attend, if you have $350 to $4,000 to spend on an evening in sorta-proximity to basketball’s most talented douchetool.
According to TMZ, this over-the-top, “Asian-themed” bash is not one to miss.
The party is supposed to be INSANE — with organizers dropping roughly $50,000 to give Boulevard 3 nightclub an Asian-themed makeover in honor of Kobe enshrining his hands and feet at Grauman’s Chinese Theater earlier that day. … including a 15-foot custom made dragon.
A CUSTOM MADE DRAGON! Pish. If we had 50 Gs to spend on an “Asian theme,” you bet your ass we wouldn’t party without:
- Pai Gow poker
- Crab legs
- A “Math Bar.” What’s your pleasure: Multiplication, division, addition, subtraction, exponents, integers? You pick! Continue reading If You Aren’t Going To Be An NBA Champ This Year, You May As Well Throw A Sweet Party
Filed under: "Asian Themes", All-Star Weekend, Asians Love Gambling, Boulevard 3, Cleveland Cavaliers, Disgragers, firsts, Hardass Asian Parents, Hollywood, Huh?, Idiotic LA Events, Kobe Bryant, Kobe Bryant Gets Cement Prints At Hollywood's Grauman's Chinese Theater, Kobe Bryant Handprints, LA Lakers, Laker Hate, NBA, Say buh-bye to that big gold ball
My mom loves Dancing with the Stars, so–against all of my instincts–I’ve actually promised to give it a shot this season.
Thing is, the season opener boasted two of the most intense television moments I’ve ever witnessed:
Mark Dacascos and Lacey Schwimmer’s “Asian-themed” kung-fu/cha cha cha hybrid routine, set to the charming tune of Carl Douglas’s “Kung Fu Fighting, for one. (Here’s my point: Isn’t doing the cha cha cha almost Asian enough? Have you guys watched your parents at weddings?)
And, worse, or… better, or… I really don’t know, the super awkweird Me-Daddy-You-Jane cha cha cha of Tom DeLay and Cheryl Burke–who I guess would be two of my favorite people in bizarro world. DeLay can’t really help that he’s, well Tom DeLay. I get that. But some things he should never do EVER AGAIN are strum an air guitar, mouth dirty words to a woman in her twenties, and… cha cha cha.
The result of both in concert: CREEPY TINGLES EVERYWHERE, and we’re just talking about episode one!! I’m fucking scarred for life!
And you know what, I don’t know if I can go through this kind of trauma again. Not even for my mother (Sorry, Mom!). We’ll see.
Watch the full episode here, if you dare.