DISGRASIAN™

Kim Ok: Star of the Next Hot Asian Horror Franchise

Meet Kim Ok. Described as Kim Jong Il’s “consort” (journalist-speak for Blowjob Queen), Kim Ok has been Il-lin’s secretary since the 80′s. Very little is known about Kim Ok, except that, since Kim Jong Il’s stroke, she’s been signing official documents on his behalf. She apparently was hand-picked by the Dear Leader’s late wife Ko Yong Hi when Ko was dying of cancer to replace her as first lady. She’s in her 40′s and a pianist. And, uh, she doesn’t photograph all that well (pictured right, in the only public snap of her).

She also looks like she could climb out of your TV, float on your ceiling, and kill you with her “wet look.” All she needs is a little more stringy hair combed over her face and a janky walk.

(from the Shutter remake) Look out, Pacey! Kim Ok’s comin’ to getcha!!!

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Filed under: Asian Horror Movies, Blowjob Queens, Consorts, Ju-On, Kim Jong Il, Kim Jong Il Stroke, Kim Ok, North Korea, Nukes, Ringu, Scary Shit, Shutter, The Grudge, The Wet Look

Study More

Audio Science’s mother Shannyn Sossamon never ceases to amaze me with her ability to know and say nothing about absolutely anything. This was confirmed, once again, by the wandering, pointless interview she gave IESB.net at Comic-Con to promote her new movie, a remake of Japanese Horror Film Chakushin Ari called One Missed Call.

Can somebody please explain to Shannyn that Asian people are smart? And that they spell “Shannon” correctly? Surely there is enough Golden blood running through her brain to do at least that.

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Filed under: Asian Horror Movies, At Least She's Thin And Pretty, Audio Science Is Such an Idiotic Hipster Moniker It Makes Me Vomit, Bad Spellers, Comic-Con, Not Smart People, Shannyn Sossamon

Nightmare

A monster with giant appendages appeared in a dream I had last night. It had hair all over the place, like something out of a Japanese horror movie. It was trying to eat me, and it looked exactly like this:

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Filed under: Asian Horror Movies, Giant Appendages, Jessica Simpson, Meanwhile Nick Lachey is On His Knees Thanking Jesus Right Now, Nightmares, What the Hell Happened?

Samurai and Zombies Go Together Like Ramma Lamma Lamma Ka Dinga Da Dinga Dong

Variety reported yesterday from Cannes that Yoroi, the yet-to-be-released horror flick from producers Ryuhei Kitamura (Godzilla Final Wars) and Shinya Kawai (The Ring), will be taking the Japanese horror genre in a new direction.

” ‘Yoroi,’ does not involve a girl with long hair, nor a videotape, cell phone or a camera. Rather it will go to the next level,” Kitamura said.

Phew. That greasy-haired ghoul chick was getting ti-erd. Yoroi promises to deal with new subject matter:

Pic, about a hostage family, robberies and samurai zombies, is the directorial debut of Isao Kiriyama, a regular screenwriter for Kitamura’s own helming projects.

Samurai Zombie say: BLAAAAA AAAAAAA EEEEEEE EEEHHHH!!!

I didn’t think zombies could be improved upon beyond the scope of George Romero. But Samurai Zombies? What?!? I’ll suspend judgment until I have the bejesus scared out of me.

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Filed under: Asian Horror Movies, George Romero, Maybe Now That Greasy-Haired Ghoul Can Get a Shampoo-Blowdry, Samurai Zombies, Yoroi

Eww! and Eek!

Long hair can be sexy, but I draw the line at 2.42 meters (translation: 7.94 feet). Okay, maybe well before that.

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Filed under: Asian Horror Movies, Creepfest, Eww, Weird Chinese Behavior, Yuckers

Jessica Alba: Suzuki Kid

Here’s a pic taken from the set of the remake of Hong Kong horror-flick The Eye, about a blind woman who gets a corneal transplant from a dead guy and starts seeing crazy shit:

I don’t know about you, but her violin-playing looks SO SCARY REAL to me.

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Filed under: Asian Horror Movies, Jessica Alba, Multitalented People, Suzuki Kids, The Eye