You are currently browsing posts tagged with Ashlee Simpson

Jessica Simpson On Being A Has-Bindi

October 27th, 2009 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana
Simpson Searches For Beauty

Simpson Searches For Beauty

“Ken, I am like, fully having soooo much fun in India! I’m so glad that I decided to wear my Indian vest and jean shorts to tonight’s gala. Remember when we bought this vest in New Mexico? I actually am kinda loving it right now.

Anyway, how much are you feeling this country? Everyone keeps saying sorry, sorry, sorry all the time. Who was it that was telling me that I should wear sorries for special parties? I didn’t know how to look sorry, so I just wore this old vest!

OMG, we have taken sooooo many awesome (three) pictures of all of the beautiful sights ( including ourselves at totally nondescript locations like the airport) here in this strange country!! Right?? I really kinda dig the hand b-b-bling, right?  Look at this! It’s like somebody… drew all over my hand!  I feel like they should, like, totally do this in America, cuz it looks so good on you no matter what size you are. Just like shoes and sweatpants. But I’m not sure about this bindi thing. I think it makes me look cross-eyed. Every time I look at it in the mirror I look cross-eyed.

Continue reading Jessica Simpson On Being A Has-Bindi

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You Take the Good, You Take the Bad, You Take ‘Em Both and There You Have…A Photo with Pete Wentz

March 26th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I saw this picture of a fan scoring a snapshot of herself with Pete Wentz and was struck by all the things she did right in it.


PROS:

  1. She took the photo from an angle above rather than below her face, which is more flattering
  2. She wore a cute top
  3. She picked a celebrity to idolize who actually doesn’t mind taking pictures with fans

I did have one itty-bitty issue however.

CON:

  1. That celebrity is Pete Wentz

Source

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Gaining Weighsian

January 28th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Listen, guys. I’ll be honest. I haven’t done yoga in almost two years. I take the stairs up to my office–sometimes. I walk the dog around the block in the morning and night, and sometimes I walk fast, but that’s about where I max out. The way I see it, “exercise and my blogging life don’t mix.”

Sure, in the wee hours of the night, I somehow manage to make time to munch on sour ropes while wasting zombies on Xbox. Meanwhile, I find a way to house burritos at my local taco cart after any given night of drinking. And certainly, I don’t miss an opportunity to indulge my sweet tooth after gobbling the pie, crust and all, at Pizzeria Mozza.

My point is, I’m like anyone. Sometimes I get a little chubsy, sometimes less so. Perhaps it’s face bloat or hormones, post-holiday or high-stress, but sheez–it happens to us all. And I can deal with that. I have to. My favorite aunt and godmother–a zaftig, warm, no-nonsense, little woman–used to hug me hello with her big, soft arms. After a good squeeze, she would inevitably step back and say, “You are a little fatter than the last time I saw you. Most of it is in your face, but your legs are a little big, too.” It’s not a bad way to look at it. It’s just the truth; not really a positive or a negative, just the big, fat truth.

Yesterday, I posted a picture of Jessica Simpson, who is arguably enjoying her rejuvenated love life, and is (as always) compelled to dress up her new curves with detestable lycra and the world’s most unflattering pair of high-waisted pants. This is hardly the first time she’s dressed herself up in this fashion when riding the love train. In fact, her inclination to do so is now striking me as a behavioral pattern, which is just weird.

Apparently, I’m not the only bored blogger raising an eyebrow at Jessica’s puff. Some folks laid into her rather hard, and because she and her sister don’t have much in terms of career to speak of, they paid attention.

Ashlee (lil’ sis) even blogged about it (and since we’re blogging, I’ve included my responses below in RED):

I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister’s weight. A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman’s weight or figure as a headline on Fox News.

Wait, are we talking about the same Fox News that boasted the “Obama/Biden, Osama Bin Laden, Coincidence?” headline last year? Or the Fox News that captioned The First Lady as “Obama’s Baby Mama?” Don’t be fooled by the moniker, lady–”News” is hardly their forte.

All women come in different shapes, sizes, and forms and just because you’re a celebrity, there shouldn’t be a different standard.

Uh, Ash? Celebrities are held to a different standard, particularly female celebrities. You should know this, and moreover be glad about it. That’s why y’all make magical livings just for being famous-ish. It’s why you’re photographed doing mundane activities like buying gas (just like Us!) and shopping for ugly cotton clothes on Robertson Boulevard. You, and your sister, like most of this decade’s celebutards, are not the most talented performers of our generation–if one would argue that you’re talented at all. You’re clothes hangers, club promoters, restaurant PR tools. The least you can do is keep your face clear, keep your tummy tucked, and name check Ed Hardy in OK! Magazine. Do your part. There’s not much to it.

Is this something you would say to your wife, daughter, mother, grandmother, or even a friend?

I seriously doubt it.

I wouldn’t say much more to my mother and grandmother than, “My job is great! It pays very well. I honor you and our ancestors!”

My grandmother, on the other hand, had no problem telling me when I was looking plump and juicy.

How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?

I don’t know man, that’s a question for God, I guess. Let me know how that Q&A goes.

Now can we focus on the things that really matter.

Yeah! Like why any person would name their baby after Mowgli, a goddamn Jungle Book character? Jungle Book, which, besides being the world’s lamest source of name inspiration, is actually a racist fucking story. Wait, should we table this conversation and just deal with it on Fox News?

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These Boos Were Made For Walking

July 21st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Jessica Simpson on the phone with her baby sis Ashlee, Saturday night, after she is booed during her debut country music performance at the Country Thunder USA Festival.

JESSICA: (sniffling) Oh my gaw, Ashlee, I had the worst night of my life tonight!

ASHLEE: Hold on one sec, Pete just dropped a bottle of hair product in the toilet. One sec.

(Long conversation pause; Sounds of muffled bathroom chaos)

ASHLEE: ‘Kay. Back now. That was kind of a crisis. Petey can’t survive a day without product, y’know? Is Tony like that?

JESSICA: Ash, I’M in a crisis!

ASHLEE: Oh right. Okay, what happened? Is Tony gay?

JESSICA: No.

ASHLEE: Is he cheating on with you with somebody smart and talented?

JESSICA: Um, no.

ASHLEE: Oh. Did Coach Phillips finally issue that restraining order against you, so that you won’t come to games?

JESSICA: Ashlee, no! I sang tonight. I did my Country Thunder debut. Remember?

ASHLEE: Oh, right. How’d that go?

JESSICA: Ash, it was BAD! I did everything Daddy said to do. I did that whole, like, cute Daisy Duke look with the shorts and the…

ASHLEE: Again?

JESSICA: WhatEVER, Ashlee! Daddy said, “If they can’t see your ass, you won’t see their cash.” Remember? So I did that, and like, totally wore cowboy boots. And Daddy was all, “Whenever you want to cough or breathe, say either ‘Texas’ or ‘Tony.’” So I was like, “I’m Tony Romo’s girlfriend from Texas! Remember me from all of the pictures? I’m from Texas! Tony loves my Texas girl tits!” Stuff like that.

ASHLEE: I’m sure that went over well.

JESSICA: But that’s the thing, it DIDN’T. They were booin’ at me Ashlee. People were telling all the reporters I was some kinda embarassment and that I shouldn’t be there. And that going out with Tony doesn’t make me country! What are they talking about? What’s more country than the Dallas Cowboys? Augh! They booed! I can’t believe it!

(sounds of muffled laughter)

JESSICA: ASH! Are you laughing?

ASHLEE: (muffling her laughter) No.

JESSICA: Oh. Okay, good.

ASHLEE: I, uh, that’s a bummer, Jess.

JESSICA: Daddy is always right! Why didn’t he tell me they were going to boo?

ASHLEE: Maybe he was busy making sure your bra fit right.

JESSICA: Ashlee!!

ASHLEE: Sorry, sorry. Well that really sucks, dude.

JESSICA: I’m so humiliated! I’m so ashamed! I can never show my face again.

ASHLEE: Oh, good.

JESSICA: ASHLEE! You’re not HELPING!

ASHLEE: I don’t have time to help. One day, maybe you’ll be married again, and you’ll see how much time it takes.

JESSICA: (sobs)

ASHLEE: Listen, Jess. I know how you feel. Remember when I performed at the Rose Bowl, and they booed at me? And everyone was talking about it, and I was so ashamed that all I wanted to do was curl up and die?

JESSICA: Oh gaw, totally. Your eyes were so puffy! You looked like shit!

ASHLEE: And remember how I kept calling you and Dad to ask for advice, and he kept telling me he was busy with your career, and you kept trying to shove some old Louis Vuitton bag in my face to make it better?

JESSICA: Um, hmm, soooorta. But wait, is that how it went?

ASHLEE: All you could talk about then was how you wanted to fuck Johnny Knoxville. Or how you already were. Or whatever.

JESSICA: I’m with Tony now! I’m just a Texas girl dating Tony Romo now! (giggles, country-like)

ASHLEE: (stunned pause)

JESSICA: Ashlee? Ashlee? Come on, I need your help.

ASHLEE: Oh, you need a lot more than my help.

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A Stroll With Diana and Jen

May 3rd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


DIANA: Hmmrrffennnn mreern, shrmerfern ferfenortt shnerp? MMfjffdisifernfefrs mmafe.

JEN: What?

DIANA: Hey Jen, do you have another hair clip? I’m just trying to keep my hair out of my face.

JEN: I might have one here in my purse. Cool tie.

DIANA: Thanks, I figured now that Ashlee Simpsons isn’t wearing them, they’re safe.

JEN: She couldn’t be more whack.

DIANA: Yes, but the new nose did wonders for her face.

JEN: Well, arbitrary wonders.

DIANA: Right. What are you drinking?

JEN: Scotch.

DIANA: Out of a neon green plastic bottle?

JEN: It looks more earth-friendly.

DIANA: Nice.

JEN: I wish we had more pink things.

DIANA: Me too, it would be so cool if Lulu Guinness and Hello Kitty got together and made all of these wacky girly belts with bows and smiley cats all over them!

JEN: It would?

DIANA: Sure!

JEN: That’s a really lovely face mask.

DIANA: Yeah. My dad’s a doctor.

Source: Thanks Rachel and Kim for the photo!

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