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On Wednesday, Apple’s market cap moved past Microsoft’s by $3 billion, which had CNN Money declaring Microsoft “no longer the industry’s alpha dog.”
CNN Money interviewed a couple experts on what Microsoft had to do to continue keeping up with the Jobses, with one analyst suggesting:
“They have to continue to try to find other businesses, otherwise growth is always going to be bound by the PC market. Wall Street believes in Apple because Apple continues to put out new products that capture the imaginations of the press and tech pundits. Microsoft just hasn’t been able to come up with a new multi billion dollar business like Apple.”
And while we’re no experts, we are a target demo, as the owners of about a dozen Apple products between us, so here’s another suggestion:
Filed under: Apple, Apple Products, Apple Surpasses Microsoft in Market Cap, Asians And Their Unholy Obsession with Gadgets, Cute Things, I'm a Mac, iPad, iPhone, Macbooks, Microsoft, Microsoft Kin Phone, Microsoft Products Are Depressing-Looking, Steve Jobs, Ugly Shit, Zune
Dear Technology God,
I’ve been fighting the iPad.
I said I didn’t need it. I said it wasn’t necessary. I said it was just an $800 splurge for Apple geeks to jerk off to. I said it was a poor-sighted man’s iPhone. Even that hilarious Modern Family episode couldn’t sway me.
I almost convinced myself, too. I think I believed me when I said those things.
But then I saw Iggy the cat playing with a new iPad.
He’s so cute! And he LOVES the iPad! If Iggy gets one, I want one. Please gimme!
Filed under: Animals are a Reliable Source of Joy and Awe, Apple Products, Apple Products Dupe Us Every Time, Apple Store, Awesomeness, Covet, Damn You Steve Jobs, Easily Amused, frivolous purchases, Iggy, iPad, Product Lust, SO COOL, Technology God, Want
We talk about our Hardass Asian Parents a lot, and the ways in which they, um,
pushed us to succeed molded us into perfectionists put us into therapy for life raised us, but the truth is, you don’t have to be Asian to be a Hardass Asian Parent. Take, for example, Ben Morrison.
Morrison, a web developer, created an iPhone app called Langu, because he and his wife adopted a daughter from Taiwan, and they wanted her to grow up fluent in both Mandarin and English. Cute, right?
But wait. There’s more. In addition to the app, Morrison told Wired‘s GeekDad that he also uses these tools to help his daughter learn what would’ve been her native tongue:
We do our best to expose her to many different channels of learning the language, like Mandarin immersion preschool, Chinese picture books, even bootleg “Dora the Explorer” translated into Chinese.
Mandarin immersion preschool AND Chinese picture books AND bootleg “Dora the Explorer” videos translated into Chinese AND you write your own iPhone language app for toddlers that features a “Quiz” mode?!
Not content to sit on his laurels (or let his daughter sit on hers, either), Morrison has other educational iPhone apps in the works:
I’ve been kicking around some ideas for other iPhone apps, most of them center around something I want Violet to learn… probably reading or math next. And of course, if Langu’s well received, I’d like to make more versions… I’d want to tackle Arabic or Hindi next—I like typography, and am easily excited by non-Latin characters.
Good lord, this guy makes my own Hardass Asian Dad, who used to make me go to Chinese school occasionally, do math workbooks over summer vacation, and write up reports on what I’d read in Scientific American, look downright soft.
Hardass Parents of All Stripes: The Langu Mandarin iPhone app is available here.
Hi! How’s it going? Typing this note on my trusty MacBook, as always.
So I was hanging with my dude this week, playing around on his awesome new iPhone 3GS. Holy moly, is that a fun little machine. I foresee us taking many videos of babies, editing them instantly, and sending them to friends. Neat.
I’ve just got one little gripe to make. It’s the Voice Control feature. I think it’s racist. Don’t tell me technology can’t be racist. Trust me, it can. See, Voice Control loves the name “Willis Bullard.” It could call Willis all day long. “G Scott Barrett,” easy as pie.
Here’s a name it hates. Diana Nguyen. And what I really think it hates is the NGUYEN. That is bullshit, Apple! It’s bullshit!
Okay fine, I understand that there are a lot of fuckin’ consonants in that there Vietnamese name, but trust that it was said “en-goo-yen” “ung-yoo-en” “win” “noo-win” “noo-yen” “gnu-yeen”–Egh. I won’t continue. But there have been many permutations attempted. When “Diana Nguyen” is spoken into Voice Control, who does the iPhone want to call? Lots of different white folks. Not me, not the seven people in my family that share my surname and also occupy space in the address book. It totally sucks!
Is there any possible way to fix this, any formula we can apply to get around it? Hey–I’m just trying to help. I’m asking for all of the Nguyens in the world!!
Y’know what? Fuck it. I’ll get real with you. We’re just talking about me here. And it’s a very gentle request. All I’m asking is that iPhone’s Voice Control function gets an update soon that accounts for the last name Nguyen, so that when my boyfriend speaks my name into his phone to call me he doesn’t DIAL HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND FIVE TIMES IN A ROW, WITH THAT CHARMING VOICE COMMAND READING HER NAME–WHICH IS IN NO WAY SIMILAR TO MINE–ALOUD OVER AND OVER, ANNOYING ME MORE AND MORE EACH TIME, MAKING ME WANT TO STAB HIS NEW IPHONE IN ITS MOTHERFUCKING FACE UNTIL IT’S DEAD, MOTHERFUCKING DEAD.
Okay? Okay, cool.
Talk to you soon! Feel free to send me a free MacBook Air or whatever.
A couple of days ago, TechCrunch reported on a curious case of race-swapping that they discovered on two identical Microsoft marketing sites. In the U.S. version of the site, a photo of an Asian man, a black man, and a white woman could be seen on Microsoft’s “Business Productivity Infrastructure” home page:
But in the Polish version of the same site, the head of the black man had been photoshopped out and replaced with that of a white man:
After the blogosphere caught wind of this, the Polish site was changed, and the black man restored to the photo. Microsoft apologized Wednesday for this racial switcheroo and stated that they were “looking into the details of this situation.”
Presumably that also means they’ve fired the photoshop guy who not only did the horrible cut-and-paste job on the replacement head–notice its distinct Linda-Blair-in-The Exorcist-head-swivel–but left in the black hand, and, perhaps most devastatingly for Microsoft, failed to notice, unlike several savvy commenters over at Photoshop Disasters, that the computer in front of the black/not-black guy is an Apple MacBook(!).
Remember the Geisha iPhone app? About which I wrote, “But why stop at geishas? Why not have a stripper app? Or better yet, a lap dance app? Why not have the iPhone also be a dildo? It already vibrates, so you’re halfway there.”
That was before I discovered iGirl, which is being billed on iTunes as “your own virtual girl friend…for less than the price of a cup of coffee or a beer.” You can tickle her, make her dance, and even change her ethnicity! And she’s, ahem, multi-lingual. Plus, as her creators put it, “She Obeys.”
That’s more like it. I mean, sure, they could have taken this idea further or, in the words of one of the customers who reviewed iGirl, “Longer hair and topless would be a good addition.” But this is a promising start toward virtual, convenient, inexpensive iJackingOff! Good job!!!
A UK man reported on a MacRumors Forum last week that he received his new iPhone pre-loaded with pictures of the factory girl who made it:
Now that we got that out of the way, can we be serious for an iMoment? The iPhone is assembled in Shenzhen, China (where basically everything you own is made). So this girl is Chinese. And we can comfortably assume that she’s been inculcated by socialist doctrine her whole life. Which means we need to shake some sense into her.
HOMEGIRL, LISTEN TO YOUR CAPITALIST SISTAS. Photos of cute Asian chicks that wind up circulating the internets so that pasty white dudes have something to spank it to are worth a premium, yo. Under no circumstances do you EVER give that shit away for free! Y’hear?!
UPDATE: A spokesperson for Foxconn, who assembles the phones, calls the iPhone photo incident a “mistake.” You bet your not-free ass it is!