You are currently browsing posts tagged with Apolo Anton Ohno
Am I the only who thinks that a YouTube video called “Apolo Ohno Crotch Shot” should have far more than 7,601 views?
Filed under: Apolo Anton Ohno, Apolo Ohno, Bathing Suit Areas, Crotch Shots, Dicks, Extreme Closeups, Numbers, Packages, Penises, Small Penis Jokes, Speed Skaters, Surprises, Weiners, YouTube, YouTube Gems
I realize this ad featuring AOTW Apolo Ohno is supposed to be selling you on that nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, so you can rest medicine-induced sleep coma Nyquil is so famous for…
But all I see is a serious case of O-Face. You know what I’m talkin’ about…Oh!
Filed under: "O" Faces, 2010 Winter Olympics, Advertising, Amazians, Apolo Anton Ohno, Apolo Ohno, Apolo Ohno Nyquil Ad, Mixed People, O-Face, Office Space, Unfortunate Ads, Vancouver Olympics, Vancouver Winter Olympics
Hails from: Seattle, WA
Occupation: Olympic short-track speed skater
Known for: Championship bling. After winning his seventh Olympic medal on Saturday night, becoming the most decorated American Winter Olympic athlete of all time. Proving that the time-tested technique of Hardass Asian Parenting, via single father Yuki, can pay off in spades. Showcasing excellent hip control. Somehow being extremely hot despite a chronic case of chin pubes.
Apolo’s name was derived from the Greek words “Ap,” (“steer away from”) and “lo,” Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Apolo Anton “What Seven Medals?” Ohno
Filed under: 2010 Olympics, 7 Olympic Medals, Apolo Anton Ohno, Apolo Anton Ohno Most Decorated Winter Olympian, Asians and Speed Skating, Awesomeness, Champions, Chin Pubes, Dancing With the Stars, Everybody Loves a Winner, Excellence, Hardass Asian Dads, Hardass Asian Parenting, Olympians, Seattle, Seven Olympic Medals, Speed Skating, the Olympics, Vancouver Olympics, Vancouver Winter Olympics, Winter Olympics, Yuki Ohno
Ethnicity: Filipino and Polish
Hails from: Federal Way, WA
Occupation: Olympic short-track speed skater
Known for: Making an astonishing comeback at the 2010 Winter Games by winning bronze in the 1500, after crashing at the Olympic Trials five months before, cutting open his left leg to the bone with his skate, and missing his femoral artery by one inch. Having a Hardass Asian Mama who believed in him, who raced out onto the ice after his accident and told him when he thought his Olympic Dream was over: “No, it’s not over, J.R. You’re going to be fine.” Becoming the sport’s heir apparent to Apolo Anton Ohno, who took silver in the 1500 to tie Bonnie Blair’s record of most medals won (six) at a Winter Olympics.
On that note…
Filed under: 2010 Winter Olympics, Apolo Anton Ohno, Apolo Anton Ohno Most Decorated Winter Olympian, Apolo Anton Ohno Ties Bonnie Blair, Asians and Speed Skating, Comebacks, Hardass Asian Moms, Hardass Asian Mothers, J.R. Celski, J.R. Celski Bronze 1500, Vancouver Winter Olympics
Happy 26th Birthday, Apolo Anton Ohno! We can’t believe how much you’ve already accomplished at such a young age (by the way, thanks for making us look bad to our moms). Hopefully this year will be another fruitful one… as well as the year you finally shave those god awful pubes off of your face.
Happy birthday to two-time Olympian, Julie Chu! Chu, who played for the U.S. Women’s ice hockey team when they won silver in 2002 and bronze in 2006, is also a Harvard grad, i.e. a Hardass Asian Parent’s ultimate wet dream. I would love to tell her to go to H-E-double hockey sticks for making the rest of us look bad, but she’s just too damn cute. Plus, I’m pretty sure that Chu could body-check me into oblivion.
LeBron James rocks the April “Shape Issue” of Vogue with Gisele “Mrs. Brady” Bundchen. King James is only the third man to make the magazine’s cover in its history. Apolo Anton Ohno is also featured–hopefully sans Brazilian bikini wax–in the issue, which pairs athletes with models. I love that underneath the picture of LeBron and Gisele the copy reads, “Secrets of the Best Bodies.” Uh, gee, I don’t know…genetics? Stupid luck? Getting paid shitloads to look that good?
For a different take on the upcoming baseball season, check out Yard Work. Author “Haruki Murakami” writes a delirious entry about the Cubs and Kosuke Fukudome, their new right fielder from Japan. Or “Fuck You, Do Me,” as our friend Ashley calls him. I put quotes around “Murakami” because there’s also season previews on the site from “John McCain” and The Wire‘s “Scott Templeton,” Bawldamer’s own Jayson Blair. “Templeton” writes about the Orioles, or, as only he could put it, “the league’s orange-feathered stepchildren.”
…wha?…hurhm?….five more minutes…ZzzZZzzz….wha wha whoa. So sorry! I must have fallen asleep at my computer. Big news this week in reality television. Apolo Ohno won Dancing with the Stars, beating out the Fat One. Now all Apolo needs to do is focus on Vancouver 2010, and getting the rest of those pubes waxed off his chin. I know an excellent Russian lady in Bev Hills who will do the trick.
American Idol also staged their finals this week, where ZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzz
..five more minutes goddamit!…ZzzzZzzzZZz…hello? Mom, am I late for school?…zzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz…..I’m up, I’m up! Where’s my…oh. My bad. It appears I fell asleep at my computer again and now there’s drool under my keyboard. What was I saying? Oh right. Jordin Sparks won AI last night. Woohoo. Let’s put our hands together for the new Mandy Moore of color. Cuz that’s what we need in this world…two Mandy zzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Happy 25th, Apolo Anton Oh-yes! And congratulasians on making the finals of Dancing With the Stars. You seem like a really nice, normal dude, and we wish you the best.
I forced myself to watch Dancing With the Stars last night the way other people force themselves to go to the dentist every six months. I made the appointment, showed up, then numbed myself with a ton of medication. In the cracked-out bliss state that followed, I was impressed and maybe, just maybe, entertained by Apolo Anton Ohno’s performance. So much so, that I wrote him a fan letter.
I believe that you are the only person in the universe who can claim to be an Olympic speed skater and a ballroom dancer. It’s nice to see you putting those thunder thighs to use between Olympic Games. With your unique skill set, I am sure that you will be wildly successful in whatever you choose to do in the future.
all the best,
p.s. I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but it appears that….a brazilian-waxed pussy has landed on your face.