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Do I Strutter?

April 12th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

As you may recall from last week’s post (See April 5 post: Amazian Watch: The Guitar Heroine) we at Disgrasian were rooting from all the way on the other coast for our girl Kelly Law-Yone to smoke the competition in NYC (on Megadeth’s Hanger 18, perhaps?) and show Gene Simmons why Asian ladies effin’ rock.

Kelly didn’t win, which is disappointing.

What’s worse, we hear the competition was loaded with nerves, resulting in shy performances, missed notes, and an altogether Star-Powerless evening.

MOST DISAPPOINTING is that instead of our near-Amazian, this J.W. chump took home the Grand Prize: not just (just?) the opportunity to share the stage with Gene Simmons, but an actual axe–custom-outfitted for Guitar Hero on XBOX.

I KNOW! I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING! GREATEST PRIZE EVER!

Here was J.W.’s reaction to the announcement that he won: “Wow. It’s amazing.”
Ungrateful jerk!!

Let’s watch this fool ring in his celebration.

What a freakin’ waste. I can’t begin to express to you the level of my disappointment at his lack of a) Rock b) Sheer glee c) awe of the fact that tapping at five plastic buttons somehow warrants him the right to rock out with a Rock and Roll Hall of Famer d) wherewithal to use HIS NEW CUSTOM GUITAR HERO GUITAR, THE GREATEST PRIZE EVER, TO PLAY WITH THE FRONT MAN OF KISS, WHILE PLAYING A SONG IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE WORLD.

I hate him.

It should have been a Disgrasian girl.

Observe: This is how the above scene would have played out if it had been Jen, not Paul Party Pooper onstage in the champion’s spot.

MC: Jen, congratulations. You’ve won the JamFest.

JEN: OOHHHH MY GOOOODDDD! I ROCK!!! I TOTALLY ROCK!

MC: Jen, how do you feel?

JEN: I ROCK SO FUCKING HARD! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!!!!!!!

MC: Guess what we have for you?

JEN: IT DOESN’T MATTER. NOTHING COULD MAKE THIS MOMENT ANY BETTER!!!

MC: Are you sure? Because here comes Gene Simmons.

GENE: ARRRRRR!

JEN: [disappointed] Oh hey, Gene.

GENE: YOU ROCK!

JEN: [instantly excited again] I KNOW, RIGHT?

GENE: Totally.

JEN: I’m gonna smoke you, dude.

GENE: Err… I have something for you.

JEN: Is it rolling papers? Cuz I’m gonna smoke you.

GENE: No its… this! [Reveals Item] A custom Gibson guitar outfitted for GUITAR HERO… for you to rock out on while you play GUITAR HERO II on XBOX 360 [smiles for the camera].

JEN: Oh. My. God.

GENE: What do you think?

JEN: HOLY CRAPAMOLE. GIVE IT TO ME!

GENE: [struggling] Wait, I have to make a bad “strap it on” joke.

JEN: HAND IT OVER, HAS-BEEN!

GENE: [reluctantly] Let’s just play Strutter.

JEN: [strapping it on] Your song is boring. Let’s play Free Bird.

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