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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Lisa Lee And Lynn Chen’s “Thick Dumpling Skin”

February 21st, 2011 | 4 comments | Posted by Diana

In all of my three decades of life, I have never once been skinny.

Now–before you get all up in my grill with the, “Ohmygawd Diana, you’re NOT fat” words of soothing or the “You bitch, don’t talk to me about not being skinny” words of annoyance, please know that I’m not fishing for compliments, nor complaining about my size, nor stating I’ve never been a healthy, normal weight. I’m just saying, I’ve never been skinny.

But Asian girls are supposed to be skinny, right?

That’s like, the Asian girl thing: “Oh gosh, I just eat and eat and eat but I can’t gain any weight.” And “Urggg–they ran out of size zeros.” And “I was the skinniest person on my softball team in high school and I always hated it.” And “I can’t believe it, Yennie and I both hit three-digit weights over the holidays and we almost died!” Slight frames and narrow shoulders and bony hips and knobby knees and protruding ribs and flat asses and tiny breasts and slender thighs and stick arms. It’s our answer to the world’s Amazon legs and blonde waves and sexy curves. We’re skinny, betches.

Well, some of us.

Are we all meant to look like this?

Then there are the rest of us. We are sized 4, 6, 8, 14, 20. Medium and XXL. We do not eat whatever we want. Our clothes don’t “hang” on us. We cannot fathom wearing thigh-high boots. We have learned to like Diet Coke. We see photos of ourselves at weddings and realize that our arms are the same size as our cousins’ legs. We do not get lifted whimsically in the air by men. We have never liked our knees. We walk into an Asian supermall and watch them shake their heads–Your size we do not carry. We have Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Lisa Lee And Lynn Chen’s “Thick Dumpling Skin”

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Kenneth Tong And The Size Zero In The Room

January 14th, 2011 | 1 comment | Posted by jasmine

Dear Mr. Kenneth Tong:

Earlier this week, I started reading stories about you and this idea of “managed anorexia,” a Twitter campaign you launched then claimed was a hoax, but only, it seems, after a journalist mentioned the possibility of legal action against you because of it.

I sent a few links about this story to Jen and Diana, the editors of this blog. As their intern, it’s part of my job to look for stories they may want to write about on the site.

I figured you were a shoo-in for “DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK,” a weekly dishonor given to someone or something that has done something so foul and terrible that we may all be worse off because of it. Something so bad it’s almost worth not writing about but for the fact that we have to warn others about the bullshit you’ve perpetrated.

Also, I figured that having DOTW on your resume would be a natural fit for someone whose only previous claim to fame was as a contestant on “Big Brother UK”.

They asked if I could write a response to you and to your story. They asked me to do this because I first alerted them to it, and because I seemed pretty well invested in taking you down.

I also wonder if they asked me to do this because I’m fat.

So, Mr. Kenneth Tong, I want to thank you.

Thank you for causing even a fraction of a millisecond of a doubt in my mind about the reason behind Jen and Diana asking me to write this story.

Thank you for taking it upon yourself to use Twitter to bully and harass the women who were unfortunate enough to read your posts.

Thank you for showing the world the truth of the hate that you have for fat people, for women, for people with eating disorders, for the people who love them, and for pretty much every decent person on earth.

Thank you for using anorexia, an eating disorder, and exploiting it for the sake of an experiment “to go from nowhere to be a globally recognized figure within a week harnessing the power of the internet and specifically Twitter.” I’m sure that people suffering from anorexia and other eating disorders were happy they could lend a hand in the effort to promote you.

Thank you for using the interviews you’ve given to the press since you began this awful game (because it’s just a game to you, isn’t it?) to promote yourself instead of clearing up any assertions you made about anorexia, or to offer real apologizes to anyone you may have offended or harmed.

Thank you for re-tweeting every single negative message you received on Twitter in response to “managed anorexia”, because it shows you really only care about yourself.

Thank you for showing me that when I thought I’d heard every insult and every bad word you could hurl at a fat person, you came up with even more.

Thank you for making me think about you, and how much I hate what you have to say, when really I would have been much better off focusing on more important things like who I think is going to win big at The Golden Globes on Sunday, or cleaning my bathroom.

Thank you for making me fearful of posting a picture of myself on-line, of writing this post, of showing people who I am, because now all I can think of is being judged or, even worse, being ignored, because I am fat.


Jasmine (aka, Fatso, Fatty Fat Fat, Fat Bitch, and so on and so forth)

[Evening Standard: A size zero pill, reality TV celebrity Kenneth Tong and a perfect storm on Twitter]
[Kenneth Tong on Twitter]

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Bob It Like Beckham*

September 11th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I don’t know about you, but when I think about what makes a person chic, I reference a few simple rules. And these rules are entirely based on the sartorial teachings of Style Guru Victoria Beckham, aka Posh Spice.

1. Lumpy, store-bought fakies are timeless.

The lumpier and more-lopsided, the better. Push ‘em up and out, preferably with a polyester lace bra, and let’s go grab some Lemongrass Martinis, girlfriend!

2. Anorexia is gorgeous.

Don’t believe the hype that Fat-ists around the world are trying to spread about how bad anorexia is for you. Those haters just want you to be fat and miserable like them. There is no such thing as “too thin.” That is a lie with no basis in science, like evolution.

3. Underwear-as-outerwear always eases that tough transition between day and evening.

Oh, Pants. They’re just so damn cumbersome. Wouldn’t life be so much simpler if we went out in our undies all the time? Free your mind, and your barely-covered ass will follow!

So imagine my delight when my friend Greenie sent me a story about how fashionable Singaporean women are cutting their locks to emulate Posh’s current hairstyle, which is known there as…The Pob. As in, Posh Bob.

‘I get at least one customer a week requesting for it,’ says Jonathan Foo of Jon’s Salon at Far East Plaza. ‘Even if they don’t ask for it, they talk about it, saying it’s very nice.’

Alas, to paraphrase Poison, every Pob has its thorn:

But experts here warn that the Pob is not suitable for all Asian women.

(“Celebrity hairstylist” David) Gan points out that Posh’s haircut works because Caucasians tend to have coarser hair. Asians, on the other hand, usually have fine, dark coloured hair, making it more difficult for the choppy texture of the Pob to show through.

Devastating news for me. I’m going to have to take to my bed for the rest of the day and comfort myself with a diet beverage, my well-worn copy of Skinny Bitch, and Oprah reruns.

“Who me? I don’t read, AND I don’t give a shit.”

Source Source Source Source

(*Greenie’s brilliant title. Thanks G!)

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