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The World’s First Sex Robot Has Been Unveiled, And It Doesn’t Look Like Ann Curry…
…NOR was it invented by the Japanese!!!
She can't move her head, but sure does give great...
Roxxxy, the first functional sex robot with artificial intelligence, was unveiled by New Jersey-based creator TrueCompanion at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas over the weekend.
From Fox News:
“She can’t vacuum, she can’t cook but she can do almost anything else if you know what I mean,” Douglas Hines, the president of ROXXXY manufacturer TrueCompanion, told the AFP. “She’s a companion. She has a personality. She hears you. She listens to you. She speaks. She feels your touch. She goes to sleep. We are trying to replicate a personality of a person.”
Not to hate on a breakthrough, but we’re a little dissatisfied. Sure, a sex robot sounds great. But we couldn’t care less if our robot sleeps, feels our touch, or talks about her day. We want her to call us a stallion, screw us on demand, and occasionally cook us a lasagna. Is that too much to ask?
[via HuffPo]
[Fox News: ROXXXY, the World's First Life-Size Robot Girlfriend]
Filed under: American Inventions, Ann Curry, AVN Adult Entertainment Expo, Awesome Inventions, Companionship, Couple of Bugs Left to Fix, Inventions, Inventors, Las Vegas, New Jersey, One of the rare moments that Japan Is "Not It", Real Doll, Sad, Sex Robot, TrueCompanion, Weird Non-Japanese Behavior
BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Ann Curry
Our pal Angry Asian Man haaaaates it when we make fun of Ann Curry, because he’s got a mad crush on the Today show anchor, who turns 53 today.
But the truth is, we do, too.
There’s something ineffably charming about her, whether it’s her repeatedly wishing you a good morning or her oogly-love for Brad Pitt that makes her go all fangirl during an interview. We’ve called her a robot time and again, yet we can’t actually remember how that got started in the first place–must have something to do with how perfect she always seems (and certainly how perfect her lipstick always is).
She’s just trying soooooo hard alllllll the time, y’know?
She should get points for that. And since it’s her birthday, we’re only going to say nice things about Ann. Here goes:
Ann, baby. You turn 53 today, and you look fuckin’ amazing. Please email us the name and number of your derm when you get a chance. You seem like a nice person, way nicer than us, all oozy with compassion, even when you’re talking to hideous fame trolls like Octomom, i.e. people we’d rather punch in the face. Your voice, that silky, smooth alto, could soothe the bloodlust of famished baby hyenas. We kid and we tease you only out of love. Now please don’t stop doing ridiculous things like really awkward hip-hop dancing or attempting to scale one of the world’s tallest, cruelest mountains or inappropriately touching movie stars’ faces, or we won’t have anything fun to write about anymore. Oh, and happy birthday!
Filed under: Ann Curry, Asian News Anchors, Birthdays, Hardhitting Journalists, Mixed People, Perfect People, Robots, The Today Show
Not Just A Hobby-Hob, Robots Need A Jobby-Job
Pay. Me. Sucka.
The NY Times has reported that Japan’s robots are now facing a devastating rise in unemployment, due to the economic slump of our current worldwide recession.
What does this mean for American robots? OH MY GOD, WHAT WILL ANN CURRY DO!?!? IS SHE GOING TO BE OKAY!?!???????????????????????? ANN! BABY! IF YOU’RE READING THIS, CALL ME AND I’LL START PUTTING MY FEELERS OUT FOR NEW GIGS. WE’LL FIND SOMETHING. EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT.
[NYT: In Recession, Japanese Lay Off Robots]
Source
Thanks, Eliza and Pete!
Sorry, Phil!
Filed under: Ann Curry, Ann Curry Is A Robot, Bummer Situations, Economic Crisis, Global Economics, Japan, Japanese Robots, Robot Unemployment, Robots, The Recession
Sometimes You Wonder If They Mean, Like, Funny "Ha Ha"
Jen and I always read all of most of some of our mail. And we get it–sometimes, folks are not happy with all of the things we say. There are people who feel we’re too rough on Ann Curry (By the way: Seriously? It’s not like she isn‘t a robot). And there are those few remaining Gwen Stefani fans who wish we whouldn’t comment on her man-shoulders. There’s Tila Tequila, who likes our sense of humor (??!), but changes her mind once she sees we don’t believe she actually buys Chanel (or that she should exist).
Maybe y’all get mad sometimes. And you want to tell us. That’s cool, guys. That’s fine. That’s par for the course for two ladies pouring pitchers of Haterade.
But might I make one request: the next time you’re all worked up, huffy and puffy with your mouse clicking away and your little fingers tippity-tappity-ing against your keyboard, fueled by unsettled angst while composing an angry email to us–please remember what your Asian “ha ha” alternative might be if gals like us weren’t busy policing the Web:
“OMG” is precisely what comes to mind
Unless you’ve got a real hankering for “69 Photos of Asian Girls Posing,” all day, every day–in which case, DISGRASIAN is probably not the site for you. Please. Step. Away.
Source
Thanks, H.K.!
Filed under: "Long Time" Phrases Should Die, Ann Curry, Chinky Logos, Chinky Sites, Cultural Lows, Embarrassing, Gwen Stefani, Hate Mail, OMG, OMG Soy Sauce, Tila Tequila, Unfunny Stuff, Why We Blog
Giant Robots Rule
HOLY CRAP!!!!!
Gizmodo recently posted pictures of the 59-foot tall, fully armed and operative (well, at least lit up and moving) Gundam robot that was erected in Tokyo, and it’s just totally dfi;!!%&@fjdsiof dsajfdwowwowwowwow fucking amazing!
Now, if they could only build a giant Ann Curry, fully armed and operative, as well. That would be friggin’ insaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane!!!
“What the world needs is a BIG me.”
Filed under: 59-foot Gundam Robot in Tokyo, Amazing Sights, Anime, Ann Curry, Ann Curry Is A Robot, Awesome Japanese Behavior, Cartoons, Giant Robots, Gundam, Japan, Tokyo, Wow
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Mount Kilimanjaro
Shame on you, Mount Kilimanjaro. Shame on you for being inhospitable with your, like, superior verticality and your weather conditions and your painfully thin air, thwarting Ann Curry’s heroically brave and selfless effort to summit you this week. She was only trying to be a good person and show Today Show viewers how your glaciers have melted and we’re killing the environment etcetera etcetera, and how do you repay her? By giving her altitude sickness and making her too weak to climb to the top. Who do you think you are, Kilimanjaro? The Queen of Frickin’ England?
Because of your colossal prickitude, Ann was unable to deliver a hardhitting “Ends of the Earth” special report about global warming and, instead, she was forced to give viewers FIVE INSTALLMENTS of a NONSTOP PITY PARTY. Where she talked about her “pain” and her “suffering” and the fact that she couldn’t shower for nine days! Where she had to report on stuff like her headaches–do you know of anything more boring than talk about headaches? And you made her eyes puffy for chrissakes! Why would you do that? Ann is sooo pretty. She works really hard to look that way, especially at the age of 52, and you WRECKED it. Speaking of Ann’s age, how about the fact that Ann sacrificed her own birthday (which was Wednesday, not that you care) to be with you?! Well?
You do realize that Ann has a sterling reputation as a serious journalist to uphold, don’t you? Didn’t you ever see her interview with Brad Pitt, where she accidentally gave away the Jolie-Pitts’ Christmas plans and only managed to interrupt him about five times? What do you have to say for yourself? Don’t look at me like that, Kilimanjaro, with that blank “Who Me?” expression on your face. You know what you did. You were a mean heartless bitch to our girl Ann Curry. And for that, we will never forgive you.
What, you’re still here? Go on. Scram. Take a hike!
Filed under: Ann Curry, Hardhitting Journalists, Headaches, Journalasianists, Leave That Goddam Sacred Mountain Alone, Matt Lauer, Mount Kilimanjaro, Mountain Climbing, Pity Parties, Tanzania, The Today Show
Ann Curryella
Meredith Vieira as Pinocchio, Matt Lauer as Humpty Dumpty, Ann Curry as Cinderella, and Al Roker as The Gingerbread ManThe Today show crew dressed up as fairy tale characters for Halloween, and our favorite robot Ann Curry went as Cinderella, or, in her own words, “an ethnic J.Lo Cinderella.” While I’m glad she’s making a case for ethnic Cinderellas, she looks more like an ethnic J.Lo Cinderella’s evil stepmonster trying to upstage her stepdaughter at some royal event to which the evil stepmonster was charitably invited, despite being a raging shebitch who used to make Cindy scrub floors and clean toilets. Her Cinde-weave looks really grey. The cream color of her dress washes her out, too. And I don’t think anyone over the age of 6 should ever wear a ballgown, because they’re aging (whenever I watch the Oscars, I scream this all night long at the television), a problem that Ann doesn’t have in real life, making this costume all the more confounding.
Ah well. I suppose things could be worse. Like, say, having a big blue M&M for a ballsack.
Filed under: Al Roker, Ann Curry, Anti-Agin' Asian, Ballgowns, Balls, Cinderella, Costumes, Ethnic Cinderella, Halloween, Matt Lauer, Meredith Vieira, Women as Princesses Are Tired
Speaking of Robots
This little guy, dubbed “Yuki-taro,” is a self-guided Japanese robot that clears snowbanks and compresses them into perfect bricks of ice:
Stick that in your robo-eye, Ann Curry!
Filed under: Ann Curry, Cute Things, FUZZY TUMMY FEELINGS, Plowing Snow, Robots, Wait--There's a Zebra Named Ann Curry?
Don’t Worry, Ann Curry
News reports have confirmed that Ann Curry was captured yesterday after fleeing from a moving vehicle in North Fort Myers, Florida. *Insiders say that she was last seen robot-running from the set of The Today Show with metallic tears streaming from her aluminum eyes, bleating, “Screw. You. Matt. Lauer! I will. Not. Be. Your. Smiling Robot Friend. Anymore! This. Charade. Is Over. I Need. To Be Free! Make Al Roker. Your Bitch! Good. Bye!”
“Ann Curry,” the common name for prototype Android CURR176-051B, was first developed in 1962 by a Les Lee, a robotics engineer who often commiserated with pal George Lucas about how “‘droids do it better.” Lee has spent most of his career making robots in the model of his mother’s image to serve for national news reporting and reality show casts.
After being treated for minor injuries, Curry will be sent to North Carolina for rehabilitasian and possible duplicasian for future needs.
Source
*most of this story is untrue. However, a zebra named Ann Curry was indeed captured after escaping from a moving vehicle in Florida and was sent to N. Carolina to breed. We wouldn’t be surprised if the rest of the story (metallic tears and all) happened anyway.
Filed under: Ann Curry, Freedom, Matt Lauer, Robots, The Great Escape, Zebras
I, Robot
“Hell. o. My name is. Mc. Kenzie. Ross. I am. Ann. Curry’s daugh. ter. This is me. in Teen Vogue. I am made. from the same parts. as. my mother. and. this Vespa. I cannot. dance. either. Not even the. robot dance. But people say. I have nice. human-looking. skin. And my teeth look as real. as Hilary Duff’s. It is a pleasure. to make. your acquaintance.”
Filed under: Ann Curry, Famous Offspring, McKenzie Ross, Robots, The Robot Dance, Vespas
What A Curr-ageous Robot
As you know, Jen and I can’t help but be fascinated by Ann Curry, the smooth-faced robot. There are so many things about her we don’t understand–like how a person can wear so much lipstick with nary a tooth smear or chin smudge–and we’ve simply been unable to decide whether or not we like her. She’s just so… Ann Curry.
Perhaps part of the reason we’ve never decided to disgrace or embrace Ann is that up until now, her Asianness seemed kind of irrelevant. Sure, you could argue that robots are Asian–but I would argue back that robots just happen to be loved by Asians. They’re really just emotionaless piles of metal waiting take over the humanoid planet, which is an idea we kinda fancy, for some reason.
I digress.
Today, I watched this video of Ann Curry discussing her resolve to set foot on the South Pole (as part of The Today Show’s “At the Ends of the Earth” stunt) even though a week’s worth of incredibly prohibitive weather conditions were standing in the way. And it hit me: This bitch isn’t going to give up. She’s so resolved. She’s so unwilling to fail. She’s so fucking Asian. I love her.
So there you go, it’s decided–even though she can’t dance, she’s on my good side. For now.
Filed under: Ann Curry, Crazyfaces, Everybody Loves a Winner, Failing Isn't Asian, Lofty Goals, Meredith Viera is a Wimp, Robots, The Today Show
How to Not Ann Curry Favor
Diana and I haven’t really decided how we feel about Ann Curry. I find that when she’s doing interviews, I’m always more distracted by the color and quantity of lipstick she’s wearing and her mysteriously unlined face (she’s mos def using Anti-Asian cream and, I imagine, Nicole Kidman’s derm). She’s also a robot, and, as you all know by now, we kinda dig robots. Click the screen grab from this morning’s Today Show of Ann doing the robot dance:
One the one hand, we admire how game she is. And yes, we would kill for that bod. But on the other, homegirl’s got NO RHYTHM to speak of.
(Thanks jRu!)
Filed under: Ann Curry, Anti-Agin' Asian, Half-Asian Chicks Can't Dance, Killer Bods, Lipstick Abuse, The Today Show, This Makes Me Uncomfortable, We Are a Part of a Rhythm Nation
