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I feel like we all owe it to ourselves to smile a couple of smiles. So…
Y’ALL. I HAVE A GIFT FOR YOU:
BABY MONKEY ON AN ITTLE BITTY PIG. BABY MONKEY ON A TINY LITTLE PIG!
TEENSY! MONKEY! PIGGYBACKING! ON! A! PIG!
OH MY GAW!
Oh my gaw.
You’re welcome, peeps.
We’ll be away from our desks the month of August, carrying on with the non-bloggy aspects of our lives, watching mindless movie blockbusters, and indulging in summery drinks made with generous pours of bourbon. During this month, we’ll be linking each day to a different website that we ♥. Hopefully you’ll discover something delightful and new while we’re gone. If not, you are a serious Captain Crankypants and are probably in dire need of a summery drink made with a generous pour of bourbon.
‘Til September, lovelies.
I’m definitely a dog person, but I’m no speciesist. I love any darling animal, even when said animal appears to be a giant severed fish head. And once upon a time, I fell in love with Memebon, a kitten from Cute Overload (one of my morning indulgences, right after Daily Puppy). For years I couldn’t get Memebon’s round face, concerned eyes, and tiny paws out of my head. Memebon. Memebon. He fits in a bowl! He is the cutest kitten that has ever existed! Memebon!
Dear Technology God,
I’ve been fighting the iPad.
I said I didn’t need it. I said it wasn’t necessary. I said it was just an $800 splurge for Apple geeks to jerk off to. I said it was a poor-sighted man’s iPhone. Even that hilarious Modern Family episode couldn’t sway me.
I almost convinced myself, too. I think I believed me when I said those things.
But then I saw Iggy the cat playing with a new iPad.
He’s so cute! And he LOVES the iPad! If Iggy gets one, I want one. Please gimme!
Filed under: Animals are a Reliable Source of Joy and Awe, Apple Products, Apple Products Dupe Us Every Time, Apple Store, Awesomeness, Covet, Damn You Steve Jobs, Easily Amused, frivolous purchases, Iggy, iPad, Product Lust, SO COOL, Technology God, Want
Asian people love small animals.
That is all you need to know.
Filed under: Adorable-ness, Animals are a Reliable Source of Joy and Awe, Animals Tricks, Asians And Their Unholy Obsession With Small Animals, Awwwwwww, Cat, Cute Things, Kittens, Purina, Spirit Fingers, Surprised Kitty, Video Gems
I don’t have a photo of this chick on me, but let me tell you. I’m not convinced she would’ve won this competition with a cactus (ZING!). The answer, which she didn’t like, was a stunned: “THE DOG.”
Point is, humans can’t really contend with the cuteness of animals. It just doesn’t work. We don’t have the huggy softness of pandas. We don’t have sad, round, kitten eyes. We don’t employ a tiny frolic like the baby pudu deer. We don’t have wet, little, puppy noses.
Few people have a shot against a cute animal. And I will argue that when it comes down to it, we’ve really only got one secret weapon against our animal kingdom pals: the Asian baby.
My GOD, our babies are so damn cute that their cuteness could melt glaciers.
It’s taken awhile for us to get moving again after four days of turkey-stuffing-mashed potatoes-stuffing-nap-US Weekly Magazine-stuffing-red wine-turkey-pizza-Rock Band-stuffing-gravy-dog park-cookies-pie-ice cream-Contemporary Adult Fiction-mashed potatoes-white wine-aunts’n'uncles-brunch-scotch-Star Magazine-Facebook-gravy-tequila-cashmere throw blankets-stuffing-PayPerView movies-gratitude-turkey.
Fortunately, our pen pal Margie kicked off the morning with a photo of exactly how Jen and I are looking at DISGRASIAN HQ today:
When I took my first look at the Chinese piglet recently born with a deformed, monkey-like face, I am ashamed to say that I was horrified and repulsed.
But I take it back! He’s an animal, and all animals are beautiful. He’s just different. It’s okay to be different, and being different is cool!
Monkey pig has nothing to be ashamed of. Aren’t I right?
Mmm, what’s more delicious than a hot cup of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee? That beautiful black tar has yanked me out of some of my most vicious New York hangovers, warmed my fingertips on the coldest of Chicago days, and–because my pal Jim’s parents are kind enough to FedEx him bags of grounds–gotten me through angry work days in Los Angeles. In a train, in a car, in my friend Pete’s house, outside my favorite corner bar. It is the universal coffee of happy goodness, rich, nutty, everyday yumminess.
And when I mean “hot cup of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee,” I don’t mean that wicked gross-looking, milky, iced variety that Rachael Ray was touting in recent DD commercial:
Yes, that’s right! I am offended by the stupid iced latte Ray is wearing in that picture. What a bastardizasian of good coffee! What an abominasian in the world of espresso! What a face-spittle on American coffee values!
Oh, and that purse/scarf combo? That’s a distracting bunch of accessories, I guess. Hardly as distracting as that offensive cup of joe.
Our favorite barking dog Michelle Malkin (and a bunch of her other fucktarded conserva-freak friends) was distracted by the scarf too. She yapped all week about how problematic she found it, on her
infinite pile of worthless, conservative drivel blog (Ed. note– I can’t bring myself to link to it, so if you want to see, you’ll have to find it yourself):
[I]t was with some dismay that I learned last week that Dunkin Donuts’ spokeswoman Rachael Ray, the ubiquitous TV hostess, posed for one of the company’s ads in what appeared to be a black-and-white keffiyeh.
The keffiyeh, for the clueless, is the traditional scarf of Arab men that has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad. Popularized by Yasser Arafat and a regular adornment of Muslim terrorists appearing in beheading and hostage-taking videos, the apparel has been mainstreamed by both ignorant (and not-so-ignorant) fashion designers, celebrities, and left-wing icons.
In response, Dunkin’ Donuts yielded and yanked the ads, even though they clarified that the scarf was merely a paisley print. The Boston Globe printed an excerpt of the official statement:
“In a recent online ad, Rachael Ray is wearing a black-and-white silk scarf with a paisley design. It was selected by her stylist for the advertising shoot. Absolutely no symbolism was intended. However, given the possibility of misperception, we are no longer using the commercial.”
I’m not surprised, but I am just delighted!
Why, you ask? Because I, too, think that everyone should believe all of the bullshit fear-mongering hype?
No, because I love animals!
And here, all in one cuddly room, we’ve got Michelle Malkin and her bunch of barking dogs… and Dunkin’ Donuts… a bunch of PUSSIES.
Who wants a flea bath?
CNN.com reports that two new species of mammals have been discovered in the Foja mountains rainforest in eastern Papua province of Indonesia: a giant rat (see that cuddly otter-looking thing on the left) and a tiny possom (with that squinchy little possum fist on the right).
Papua has some of the world’s largest tracts of rainforest, but like elsewhere in Indonesia they are being ravaged by illegal logging. Scientists said last year that the Foja area was not under immediate threat, largely because it was so remote.
“It’s comforting to know that there is a place on Earth so isolated that it remains the absolute realm of wild nature,” said expedition leader Bruce Beehler. “We were pleased to see that this little piece of Eden remains as pristine and enchanting as it was when we first visited.”
Congratulasians to the Foja region for being so fucking remote that no one on the planet wants to rape and pillage its resources/build a condo complex there, so that we can, in the 21st century, meet cute new furry animals like those two weirdly-sized cuties above.
Oh, bah. As I’m sure you all know by now, DISGRASIAN does not fancy Masi Oka’s character on Heroes–Hiro–we don’t believe he’s much of a Japanese hero at all. And ever since the beginning, we ‘ve sniffed our noses at his fisting, blubbery nonsense.
Now this little guy, with his shrunken/nonexistent ears and soft little tummy…
…HE just stood up for the first time, with nary a fist in the air.
Now that’s a hero. Sigh.
Reuters reports that a Romanian zoo has finally announced the birth of two Siberian tigers, Lenuta and Costel. Siberian tigers are among the world’s most endangered species, their population scarily reduced by poaching and loss of habitat in their native homes of Northern Russia, China, and North Korea, so think good thoughts for these little guys!!!!
Fun fact: Did you know that these are the only bears that don’t hibernate? Weird!