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In Touch caused quite a stir this week by releasing an exclusive interview with “Bill,” a man who claims to be a former bodyguard for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. The “ugly truth?” Angie’s apparently a bad mother:
“In my opinion, the real Angelina is self-centered and a control freak. She has no patience at all. She doesn’t do things out of the kindness of her heart. And she’s totally psycho.” While Brad is laid-back and patient with his kids’ often wild behavior, Angelina is anything but. “She screams and yells a lot, then walks away,” Bill says, explaining that Angelina would often “disappear into her suite for hours,” leaving staffers — and Brad — to deal with her children. “She would punish them with silence,” says Bill, adding, “I think she could be abusive at times in a mental way.” If the children were to get upset by her withholding behavior, he says, Angelina didn’t seem to care. “She is not moved by tears,” he explains. Still more disturbing, he recalls, Angelina has a “quirky habit” of “giggling when one of her kids would start crying.”
Hmm. This passage actually makes me feel kinda nostalgic (Mommy? Mommy?)…
Here’s a theory: Perhaps Mama Jolie has just been trying her darndest to be an authentic Hardass Asian Mom for her boys! Has anybody ever stopped to think of that? If this guy speaks the truth*, she’s doing a damn good job of giving Maddox and Pax a slice of home!
*Sorry, “Bill”–I don’t believe this shit for a second.
Filed under: "Bill", Adoption, Amazian Jr., Angelina, Angelina Jolie, anonymity, Brad Pitt, Chinese Exclusion Act 1882, Hardass Asian Moms, I Call Bullshit, I Want to be Adopted by Brad and Angelina, In Touch Magazine, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, Mental Abuse, Pax Thien, The Almighty Jolie-Pitts, Yeah Yeah
Ms. Jolie has already collected and named her newly acquired Asian offspring something god-awful–I refuse to publish it here but offer you two hints: “peace” and “sky.”
But I’m not so convinced the moniker is going to stick.
And so the challenge continues. Let’s name this thing!
Long Duc Dong
Pham Quang Sang (oh wait, that’s just the name he’s been answering to for three years)
We probably only have a few more weeks before the next anointed child of the Brangelina brood arrives in a priority FedEx package from Ho Chi Minh City on the couple’s New Orleans doorstep. Please try contain your excitement! Besides increasing the Amazian potential of the entire Pitt-Jolie family, this little tot is guaranteed to boast at least a few of the following notable qualities:
1) collagen pout
2) “i just can’t do anything else with it” hair that can only seem fixed in such a way as to pay homage to The Misfits
3) a bad attitude
4) love of rice
5) natural inclination to travel and/or build treehouses for disenfranchised children
So let’s guess the name of that little sucker before he gets here!