DISGRASIAN™

Look Who’s Lookin’ Good, Too!

We’re having trouble deciding who’s cuter in this photo: John Cho or his Amazian Jr. son?

2 for 2

Continue reading Look Who’s Lookin’ Good, Too!

Filed under: Adorable-ness X 2, Amazian Jr., Asian Babies, Awwwwwww, Babies, Choices, Cute Overload, Decisions Decisions, John Cho, Procreasian, Progeny

Who Dat Rootin’ For Dem Saints?

"I hate Brett Favre."

It was with heavy heart that I state the obvious: Jen’s and my teams are out of the running for this year’s Super Bowl ring (my freakin’ Steelers, defending champions, didn’t even make it to the postseason).

I can’t speak for my illustrious writing partner, but this year I find myself (for the first time in my life) hoping that an NFC team takes home the big prize (Dear lawd, do not let Continue reading Who Dat Rootin’ For Dem Saints?

Filed under: Amazian Jr., Awesome Football Teams, Brad Pitt, Brett Favre, Drew Brees, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, Minnesota Vikings, New Orleans, New Orleans Saints, NFC, NFL, NFL Postseason, Philip Rivers, Playoffs, Punks, Super Bowl, The Cowboys, The Steelers, Who Dat?

We’d Rather Punch Ourselves In The Neck Than Listen To A Jason Mraz Tune, BUT…

…add a ukulele and a munchkin. We melt. We simply melt.

And we forget all about Mraz’s stupid hats and all of that “Mr. A to Z” garbage.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. OH!!!!! [wombs a-rumble]

[via The Daily What]
Thanks, Jasamine!

Filed under: Adorable-ness, Amazian Jr., Awesome, Cover Songs, Cover Versions, Cute Kids, Cute Things, Instrumentasian, Jason Mraz and his idiotic "Mr. A to Z" Schtick, Jason Mraz And His Stupid Hat, Lame Songs Made Better, Little Guys Who Rock, Ukulele, Ukulele Makes It All Go Away

An Open Letter To Suri, From Maddox

Tot To Trot

“Eat this, Suri Cruise! I’m lookin’ fly on the red carpet! You think you’re so bad in your high heels? My sisters wear ties and hats and exercise pants and maxi dresses. And I am rocking this scarf and chapeau at the ‘Invictus’ premiere better than a veteran director at the Cannes film festival. You’ve been to Cannes, right? Wait–do you speak French yet? I do. I’ll translate: Cannes is French for “WE JOLIE-PITTS ARE SO MUCH COOLER THAN YOU.”

Source

Filed under: Amazian Jr., Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Cannes, Children That Dress Like Adults, Cute Kids, Cute-Offs, Famous Offspring, French, Live From the Red Carpet, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, Men In Hats, Our Progeny Are Just Cuter--Deal With It, Precocious Younguns, Suri Cruise High Heels, The Almighty Jolie-Pitts, Throwdowns

File Under: Baby Docs We’ll Watch Over And Over Again Because They’re About Babies

If you haven’t heard, Focus Features will soon bring us Babies, a Thomas Balmès documentary that follows “four babies, in Mongolia, Namibia, San Francisco, and Tokyo, respectively, from birth to first steps.”





Quick question: Can you possibly watch this trailer without blurting out, “I want one in every color?”

More questions, actually: Is it, like, wrong to get totally baked and watch Babies, like watching Planet Earth while going munchy in couchlock? It’s not like the babies in the movie can see you. Or that you have to keep ‘em out of drawers or support their neck or anything.

[Trailer Addict: Babies]
[Film In Focus: Press - Domestic Rights To Unique Documentary Baby(ies) Acquired By Focus Features From Studiocanal]

Thanks, jRu!

Filed under: Amazian Jr., Asian Babies, Awwwwwww, Babies, Babies: The Documentary, Beautiful Babies, Cuteness, Documentaries, Focus Features, Little People, Movie Trailers, Why Didn't Somebody Think Of This Before?, Womb Rumblers

President Obama’s Half-Brother May Be An Opportunist… But He’s Also, Like, Chinese!

Does it make us squirm a little to learn that President Obama’s half-brother has conveniently adopted his father’s last name, just in time to promote his semi-autobiographical book about the dad he shares with our President? Yes.

Mark Obama Ndesandjo, President Obama's half-brother, promoting his new book in China

[AFP: Obama's Half-brother Speaks Of Their Abusive Father]

Source

Filed under: Amazian Jr., Authors, Conveniently Breaking Silence, Emerging From Obscurity, Half-Brothers, Mark Obama Ndesandjo, Munchkins, Nairobi to Shenzhen, Obamas, President Barack Obama, Savita Ng, The First Family, the President, Uncle, Uncles

Happy Hardass Asian Birthday

Welp, today is my birthday. And to celebrate, my friend sent me this adorable video of a kid taking an avant-garde approach to singing the “Happy Birthday” song: a little feedback, a little beatboxing, a little more feedback, a little freestyling, a little sampling (“Old MacDonald”), some rhythmic laughter.

It’s so damn cute. So damn cute. But um, does anybody else hear his Vietnamese dad giving him the full-on shutdown? No feedback! No giggling! Stop messing around and sing the song professionally, like a respectable baby!

That seems a little Hardass for a birthday present, even coming from one of Us…

Thanks, jRu!

Filed under: Amazian Jr., Asian Kids, Awesome Gifts, Beatboxing, Birthday Presents, Birthdays, Cuteness, Hardass Asian Parents

Announcing… The WINNER Of The AMAZIAN JR. BABY PHOTO CONTEST!

UPSHOT TO HOSTING A PHOTO CONTEST FOR CUTE AMAZIAN BABY PICTURES: Your ploy to collect the world’s awesomest picture gallery of cutie patooties totally works, and you realize that (phew!) your readers not only have great taste in blogs/baby clothes, but also have pretty damn good genetics. You marvel at how much better you feel knowing that your audience is even more attractive than you thought. You totally (and selfishly) feel encouraged, convinced that your own future children will be adorable. You smile a lot. You sigh a LOT. You say “awwwwwwwwwwohmygoodnessbabiesbabiesbabies!!!” over and over and over again with giggles of glee.

DOWNSIDE TO HOSTING A PHOTO CONTEST FOR CUTE AMAZIAN BABY PICTURES: You realize that every photo you receive is the cutest photo you’ve ever seen. You realize that choosing between them is more difficult than picking an outfit for the first day of sixth grade. You spend many sleepless nights, tossing and turning, trying to decide which makes your heart skip more, Lily’s eyelashes or Kaiya’s Cheeks or Idris’s brows or Hero’s frown or Oscar’s bear ear hoodie. You decide to focus on photo composition and things like lighting/focus, but realize you don’t know jack about that stuff. You give up and lean on a psychic for help.

But through the ups and downs, we’ve enjoyed every single frickin’ minute of our very first AMAZIAN JR. BABY PHOTO CONTEST. SO LET’S GET TO THE GOOD PART!

The grand prize winner, who will receive a $50 Gift Certificate to Kumquat, is…

Sophia, 18 months

SOPHIA!!! Okay, there are her marshmallow cheeks, dark and soft curls,and the fact that she’s a “trouble maker”–all set against a sweet floral background. But what do we really love about this photo? Sophia’s BABY GROUCHFACE! The world’s a pretty tough place, and it’s hard to look adorable when there’s so much to be cranky about (Trust us; we, uh know), but she does it so well. OH, SO WELL.

Congratulasians to Sophia and her parents! We can’t wait to see you rocking your new Kumquat garb!

But wait, there’s more.

What y’all didn’t know is that our first runner-up will be receiving a $25 Gift Certificate to Kumquat as well! Woohoo!!!

And the first runner-up photo is:

Penelope, 3 years

PENELOPE. She’s going to hate us in 10 years when she’s a teenager that is awkward and gangly and growing in all the wrong places and grouchy about everything–particularly photos of herself in the baby bath–but we just can’t help it. We LOVE her shampoo-hawk, and the expression on her beautiful face! Now let’s dress this clean little one in some dandy duds!

Guys, we couldn’t be more serious–we struggled so much to choose between all of these too-cute photos, especially when each little face made our wombs do a cheer. They’re simply too good to keep to ourselves, so we’re sharing all of the submissions with you (click to play)! ENJOY!!!

And to all of those parents out there, we highly recommend outfitting your little ones in Kumquat all day, every day. All of your cute photos will be EVEN CUTER, as if that’s even possible!!!

[DISGRASIAN™: The AMAZIAN JR. BABY PHOTO CONTEST]
[Kumquat - Official Site]

Thank you thank you thank you, Angelyn and Jasmine! And thank you to all of those who submitted photos!!!

Filed under: Adorable-ness, Amazian Jr., Announcements, Bathtubs, Beautiful Babies, Contests, Cute Overload, Cutie Patooties, Everybody Loves a Winner, Fashion, Grouches

We’ve Been Looking So Long At These Pictures Of Babies That We Almost Believe That They’re Real [AMAZIAN JR. BABY PHOTO CONTEST]

Ladies and Gents,

Time is running out in the DISGRASIAN™/Kumquat AMAZIAN JR. BABY PHOTO CONTEST! The final deadline for submissions is TONIGHT: Friday, October 9 at 11:59pm PST!

To those with cute pictures on hand… don’t miss the boat (and by boat, we mean the grand prize of bragging rights and a $50 Gift Certificate to Kumquat!!!

Oooooh, baby baby!

We can hardly believe how many cutie patootie photos of little Amazian munchkins we’ve received over the last week. But hey, we’d be stupid not to ask for a few more.

SUBMIT, people, SUBMIT!

[DISGRASIAN™: AMAZIAN JR. BABY PHOTO CONTEST]

Filed under: Amazian Jr., Beautiful Babies, Contests, Cutie Patooties, Deadlines

One Thing Alone Will Drag Our Asses To See The Next Sex And The City Movie

After enduring the self-aware, unsatisfying, sexless, love-laden mess that was the first Sex and the City movie, you’d think we’d know better than to pull up a Cosmo and buy a ticket for round two.

But goddamn it, if they didn’t find the cutest damn little twin girls–Parker and Alexandra Fong–to play Charlotte’s little ‘un, Lily:

Those cutest-ever ballet flats? Seriously?

NOT FAIR. NOT FAIR TO PULL OUT SUCH A SECRET WEAPON. WHO CAN RESIST THAT LITTLE HAIRDO WITH THE TEENY BOW? THOSE LITTLE STICK LEGS? THE CUTIE-PATOOTIE FROCK??? THAT FACE??

Ugh. We’re definitely going to have to go see the movie now. But if we have to endure Miley Cyrus’s ugly mug, or hear “love” more than 6 times in one theater sitting without any cunnilingus to break it up, those fuckin’ kids are gonna owe us each 14 bucks.

[via EW.com]

Source
Thanks, jRu!

Filed under: Amazian Jr., Children, Cutie Patooties, Little People, Love is Boring, Secret Weapons, Sex and The City, Sex and the City Movie Sequel, Twins

AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Moshe Kai Cavalin

Name: Moshe Kai Cavalin

Age: 11

Hails from: Los Angeles

Occupation: Student

Known for: Graduating (with a degree in astrophysics, natch), at his young age, from East Los Angeles College with an AA degree and a 4.0 GPA.

As if our parents didn’t hate us enough for waiting until our teens to finish high school: news that an adorable, dutiful kid can easily rocket through college while mastering martial arts techniques and displaying mighty charisma, citing “hard work” as opposed to “genius” for his achievements, is sure to fuel the fire.

Sigh. He’s even better in action. Check out video of the little bugger:

[via HuffPo]
[Slant Eye for the Round Eye: It's O.K. If You Cry A Little...]

Source
Thanks, Anthony!

Filed under: 11-Year-Olds, 4.0 GPAs, Adorable-ness, Amazian Jr., College, Disappointing My Parents, ELAC, Excelling, Geniuses, Graduation, Little Dears, Moshe Kai Cavalin, Overachievers, Perfection

ROCK OF ASIAN: Yuto Miyazawa

Sometimes in life, the only words that are adequate in a situation are not actually words–they’re letters of an acronym.

And after hours of scratching my head, mouth agape, viewing sick video of teeny-tiny Yuto Miyazawa (a kid that picked up a guitar when he was 3, and has clearly only been playing rad axe-grinders for the six years since), I’ve realized that this is one of those sometimes.

Honestly, the only adequate letters for this moment are:

[Yuto Miyazawa on Ellen]
[Yuto Miyazawa via Relix]

Thanks, Lezak!

Filed under: Amazian Jr., Axe Grinders, Being at a Loss for Words, Coolest Kid EVER, Dudes Who Shred, Ellen Degeneres, Guitar Gods, Kids that Rock, Mind-Boggling Talent, Phenoms, Tiny People, WTF?, Yuto Miyazawa