You are currently browsing posts tagged with Alyssa Milano

SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: The Stream-of-Consciousness Edition

October 11th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Okay. Let’s start with playoff baseball. The first round resulted in 3 sweeps, one 4-game division series. Here I am at Game 3 Angels vs. Red Sox looking like a total bitch (on national television!), but really I was jittery and nervous, even though the Sox were up by 6 runs at that point. We went on to sweep the Angels that day. Phew…After flaming out with the New Yawk Mets, Kaz “The Other Less Famous” Matsui has found new life with the Colorado Rockies. Must be that mountain air or getting as far the fuck away from Alyssa Milano as possible. Matsui hit his first career grand slam in game 2 against the Phillies. Congratulasians, Kaz! The Rockies have moved on to the NLCS against ArizzZzzzzona. Still, I couldn’t care less about the National League…One of the weirdest things happened during the 8th inning in game 2 between Cleveland and New York that I’ve ever seen in baseball. A biblical swarm of flies descended on Cleveland’s Jacobs Field, clustering around the pitcher’s mound. Joba the Hut Chamberlain, who was brought in to relieve Pettitte after a spectacular outing, pitched a phenomenal 7th but lost his shit in the 8th because he was literally covered in flies (midges, to be exact). He walked Grady Sizemore to start out the inning, while the Yanks were up 1-0, and Sizemore would eventually tie the game on a wild pitch from Joba. The Indians went on to win 2-1 in the 11th. Guess God wasn’t listening that night to the fat fuck…Things that make me sad–that Marion Jones used steroids (I know, I know, it was obvious) and that Joe Torre may be fired as the Yankees manager…As a Cowboys fan groomed in the 80′s, I’m not getting my panties in a bunch about their 5-0 record. SportsCenter reported that the last time the Cowboys started 5-0 was in 1983. Know what happened that year? Nu-thing. The Raiders were still in LA and they won the Super Bowl. Dallas’ Monday Night game against Buffalo was like watching escaped asylum patients play some demented version of football. Tony Roma had 4 INTs in the first half, 5 in all and 1 fumble. He doesn’t earn the name “Romo” until he proves he’s more than just a likable guy with a pretty good arm…Venus Williams won the Korean Open a few weeks ago, which means she got to be…a Racial Drag Queen for a day! She’s a good sport to accept this trophy in traditional Korean garb, but I wouldn’t say she’s rockin’ the hanbok.

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Who’s the Disgrasian?

June 29th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The first time I watched this video–a performance of Sixpence None the Richer’s mind-numbing late-90s hit “Kiss Me” by aspiring actress Alyssa Alano in front of a crowd of hundreds–cruelly subtitled to highlight her English inadequacies, I was pissed. The woman is in the Phillippines! The woman has an accent! She’s giving an English song a pretty decent run for its money!

Then I realized that the woman’s name is “Alyssa Alano” and that she’s never been on a sitcom with Tony Danza. And that she’s part of an actress collective called Hotbabes. And that she’s singing a song by Sixpence None the Richer (whose smug, plucky name still makes me want to poke something in the eyeballs with a screwdriver). And that she kinda sucks.

And now I just don’t know how to feel.

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