You are currently browsing posts tagged with Always Do Your Homework

Leave The Creepy Russian Ice Dancers Alone!

February 22nd, 2010 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Last night, controversial Russian Ice Dancers Oksana Domnina and Maxim Shabalin revealed their toned-down Aboriginal-themed costumes during the free skate performance that brought them to a current bronze medal position.

What a difference a few leaves make

Hmm. We’re still searching for the “interesting,” “respectful” and “Southeast Asian” nuances that this team keeps referring to regarding their costumes. Surely all of that “big research” they did to keep the performance authentic paid off somewhere.

Give us a few minutes days months years. This may take awhile.

[NBC Olympics: Russian Dancers Make Slight Changes To Costumes]

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Best-Of-Craigslist: “Teach Me How To Kiss”

February 2nd, 2010 | 12 comments | Posted by Jen

Usually, we let the postings from best-of-craigslist that we reprint here speak for themselves. But this one really demands a close reading:

1. “I need a guy to teach me how to kiss.”

Um, no, you don’t. Cuz the thing is, guys in general rank way down on the list of “Great Teachers of the Art of Make-Outage,” behind “Neve Campbell and Denise Richards in Wild Things,” “your favorite stuffed animal,” and “horny Shih-Tzus.” If you really want to learn how to kiss, go to a bar and buy two shots of Patrón, one for you, and one for some slutty-looking drunk chick who you’ll soon be playing tonsil hockey with until she passes out and/or throws up in her purse.

2. “Ideally, it shouldn’t last longer than five minutes, seeing as how most guys creep me the fuck out.”

Continue reading Best-Of-Craigslist: “Teach Me How To Kiss”

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Hak-Shing William Tam

January 22nd, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Diana

Hak-Shing William Tam, secretary of the Christian Evangelical Group called American Return to God Prayer Movement and official California Prop 8 Backer, testified as a hostile witness yesterday in the lawsuit to overturn the ban on same-sex marriage.

Hak-Shing William Tam

In a piece published today on the galvanizasian of Bay Area Chinese evangelicals in opposition to same-sex marriage, the NYT discussed Tam’s testimony,which was solicited by plaintiff’s attorneys to prove the success in passing Prop 8 was “born of virulent homophobia.” Though Tam refused multiple requests for an interview, the Times highlighted a selection from one of his widely-distributed Web essays, which basically argues that “acceptance” of homosexuality kicks off multiple slippery slopes to mass destruction.

From NYT:

In a macro environment in which homosexuality is gradually accepted as being normal, child molesting by gays is gradually being viewed as normal in academia. Children who were subjected to sexual abuse only know to socialize with other men through sex. When they grow up, they would do the same to other children by molesting children of the same sex. Therefore, gay people grow in numbers even as most of them do not have children of their own.”

On the stand, his tone did not waver. HuffPo commented on some of his testimony:

Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Hak-Shing William Tam

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Maybe There Are TWO Rashid Khalidis!

October 30th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Dudes– nothing gives me more retarded tingles than watching somebody get busted for being unprepared and/or sensationalist and/or poorly informed while on split-screen live TV. It’s fucking painful. PAINFUL. Remember Kevin James’s massive “appeasement” stumble on Hardball? Shouldn’t the imminent shame resulting from such incidents be enough to scare some studying into anybody with a booking agent? Why-why-WHY does this continue to happen?

Oh, and I’m talking to YOU, Michael Goldfarb (this is not our fellow HuffPo compatriot, by the way, but the on-leave editor of The Weekly Standard and McCain’s paid megaphone):

My gosh. Can somebody please tell these dorks to do their fuckin’ homework before they go on television? If one is the McCain Campaign National Spokesman, one should at least do that. Or is everybody taking lessons from the Palin School of Interview Bumbling?

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Televised Live With No Preparasian

May 16th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Like my mom, my instinct before tests was always to procrastinate, cram like hell, and pat myself on the back for getting an A+ on a test. My father, on the other hand, would set study schedules that required regulated eating patterns on top of rote memorization, practice tests, and self-administered pop quizzes. He always passed exams with flying colors because he was always 100% prepared. It was no wonder, then, that he was surprised to find himself with a blank mind once and one time only–during his final University thesis, an oral exam administrated by his University mentor. He couldn’t believe it–he just stammered, unable to reach for the solution to the one question in the world he couldn’t possibly have answered, eventually mumbling his way through enough adequate bullshit peppered with appropriate-sounding words. Somehow, he wasn’t busted, and he passed.

This moment, which I now refer to as “Dad’s Singular Moment of Desperasian” was arguably one of the worst in my father’s life–and we’re talking about a man who fought in the opposing army to his own Pop and crossed the Ocean not once, but twice, during the Vietnam war–because he felt responsible for his own downfall. He hadn’t prepared 100% this time. He had clearly only prepared 98%.

Later, he was so determined that none of his four daughters would ever experience such a shameful event (oh lofty goals), pressing on us for years to study with diligince and respect, and never be caught empty handed when knowledge was meant to be on our side.

So you can imagine how horrified Dad would be if Kevin James, right wing radio host for KRLA in Los Angeles, was his son. No, not just because he’s a goofy, loud-mouthed, and not Asian (I’m sure there would be lots of questions for Mom)–but because yesterday he got his ass handed to him on Hardball. He hadn’t thought to prepare.

We’ve all observed George W. Bush’s deplorable choice to make a pointed attack on Obama’s foreign policy. CNN reports:

“Some seem to believe we should negotiate with terrorists and radicals, as if some ingenious argument will persuade them they have been wrong all along,” Bush said at Israel’s 60th anniversary celebration in Jerusalem.

“We have heard this foolish delusion before,” Bush said in remarks to Israel’s parliament, the Knesset. “As Nazi tanks crossed into Poland in 1939, an American senator declared: ‘Lord, if only I could have talked to Hitler, all of this might have been avoided.’ We have an obligation to call this what it is — the false comfort of appeasement, which has been repeatedly discredited by history.”

And many of us immediately racked our brains for the historical facts. Bush referring to “appeasement” suddenly made many of us think about Former British prime minister Neville Chamberlin, who urged the cessation of a large part of the Czechoslovakian state to Germany in 1938. And if it didn’t, the rest of us probably Googled “appeasement” and “1938″ to start doing our research.

But before going on Hardball to spar with host Chris Matthews and Air America President Mark Green, James did not think, nor Google, nor prepare. So after much ranting loudly about how proud he was of Bush’s comments, and how appropriate those historical references were, he could not confirm any historical knowledge. In fact, he simply couldn’t answer Matthews’s one simple question: Historically, what did Neville Chamberlin do that was so wrong?

Witness:

Being busted this badly in public just shouldn’t happen. Being called “pathetic” when you’re live to camera just shouldn’t happen. I tell you, I cringe violently from embarrassment when I hear James trying to fake it (“He was…an appeaser!”) or fight his flustered feelings (“Nevin Chamber was… an appeaser, Chris!”). My heart actually aches a little for his hot little head, scrambling for some other word that doesn’t rhyme with “geezer.”

And I just wish James had either done his homework or had a dad like mine. At least before he humiliated himself on live television.

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Thanks, RJ!

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The Good, The Bad, and The Incompetent

April 23rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Dear Jezebel,

Do I look like Diane Nguyen, the hot poker player?


I don’t think so. I’d like to, because she’s very slim and pretty, but I just don’t see the resemblance. Jezebel sure seems to, though!

Sure, photo source FilmMagic may have started the trouble by spelling my name incorrectly when logging my “celebrity appearance” (huh?) for Declare Yourself at Russell Simmons’s “Turn Up the Vote” event last week. And yes, I wish I hadn’t eaten so many slices of Sally’s pizza during DISGRASIAN’s visit to Yale just days before, which apparently rendered me a full-on bloatation device and unrecognizable to the public.

But FilmMagic isn’t responsible for research. They take pictures. Jezebel, however low your standards may be, is supposed to be accountable for its words. And right now, you’ve gotta be responsible for this case of mistasian identity: I am not a poker player. I don’t even know what a royal flush is without a little armagnac in me. Please, please get that fact straight the next time you’re sifting through the B-list returns from a red carpet photo-op!

We’ve begged HRC to always do her homework. Now, we ask you to do the same. Come on Jez, reprzent a little for the ladies, and prove that you aren’t as inept as we’re starting to think you are.

Warmly,
Diana

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The Importance of Preparasian

March 19th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Oh, how I hated Dickens as I was growing, or rather, tumbling up. I remember the Signet Classic version of A Tale of Two Cities sitting on my desk during the fall of my freshman year of high school, taunting me with its archaic language and hateful characters and seemingly convex plot. I didn’t want to read it. Hell, I didn’t even want to smell it. Dickens didn’t “get” me, and I simply refused to “get” Chuck.

This proved to be a problem on the day our first Accelerated English book reports were due. My teacher (who was–completely unrelated to this story, but fascinatingly–fired the following year for sleeping with a varsity cheerleader) expected three to five pages on A Tale of Two Cities. My friend Margaux had printed and bound hers eons before we needed to turn them in. But I hadn’t read the book three weeks before the due date. Or two weeks before. Or two days before. The afternoon before it was due, I bought the CliffsNotes and read only through the general synopsis before I fell asleep staring at the black-and-green screen on my PC.

When I got a C-minus on my report, which made such groundbreaking statements as, “A Tale of Two Cities is a truly historic piece of literature,” and “Not surprisingly, Dickens shows a magnanimous sentiment of disdain for the established aristrocracy, which he brilliantly shows in the tumultuous story plunge of Darnay,” I wasn’t surprised. But I was especially sickened to see the comment, “You didn’t read the book. See me after class,” scribbled on the back of the last page. Thankfully, my teacher was a sucker for a sweet girl (see above) and eventually agreed to let me re-do the report for a chance at a whopping A minus–But not without teaching me a lesson: ALWAYS BE PREPARED.

I was surprised today when I saw comments from Hillary Clinton–who has been documented as such a perfection-driven, ambitious student of excellence that I’ve always considered her to be Asian–regarding Barack Obama’s hotly-discussed, highly-televised, much-anticipated speech regarding race, religion, and his Reverend:


I did not have a chance to see or to read yet Sen. Obama’s speech but I’m very glad that he gave it. It’s an important topic. Issues of race and gender in America have been complicated throughout history and they are complicated in this primary campaign.”

Either m’lady was the day’s biggest liar or supremely ill-prepared, but something about today’s statement gave me flashbacks of my poorly executed five-paragraph expository essay. If any of you know Hill, can you please remind her of the section in the DISGRASIAN sidebar: “DO YOUR HOMEWORK?” It’s also very important.

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