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DISGRASIAN’s First Fan-Fiction: When Jan & Diane Met Ken & Donny
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.
What you’re about to read is UH MAY ZING.
Remember last week when we introduced you to our alter egos, Jan and Diane? Those gals who are so, so, so not us? The post ended with Jan and Diane in full bridezilla regalia, and one of our readers, crazyDonna, wanted to know who those ladies ended up marrying. And we were like, You tell us.
So she told us.
And as you will see from this fan-fic about our alter egos, Jan and Diane, crazyDonna is not only crazy, she’s also a genius with stock photos, hilariously funny, and undoubtedly our favorite new person on the planet.
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Jan and Diane are BFFs who have awesome lives and are basically perfect. Yet even for them, finding their Mr. Rights wasn’t easy. Busy professionals making oodles of money don’t have time to meet guys! So Jan and Diane turned to modern technology to help them out. Yes, they used… the Internet!
JAN: Online dating is perfectly fine nowadays.
DIANE: Everyone’s doing it.
So Jan and Diane posted a personal ad (together, like they do everything else!).
DIANE: At e”CharmMoney”.com!
JAN: Oh, you! [giggles]
At first, the results were disappointing.
JAN: I mean, the guys were cute.
BOTH: Of course!
DIANE: But they had issues. Like, you absolutely could not touch Giorgio’s hair, or he would freak.
JAN: And why was Carl always looking for phone booths, anyway?
DIANE: Then there were those two guys who said they were in LXD. Continue reading DISGRASIAN’s First Fan-Fiction: When Jan & Diane Met Ken & Donny
Filed under: Alter Egos, Awesome Stuff, DISGRASIAN Fan Fiction, Fan Fic, Fan Fiction, Fanfic, Jan and Diane, Ken and Donny, Sliding Doors, Who The Fuck Are Jan and Diane?, Who the Fuck Are Ken and Donny?
Meet Our Alter Egos, Jan & Diane
Over the last 3 1/2 years of maintaining this site, we’ve developed alter egos.
Before you think we’ve gone totally crazeballs, let me just say that we didn’t develop these alter egos ourselves. No, see, they were developed for us. Who knows? Maybe they even exist. Maybe they’re our selves in a Sliding Doors-kind of parallel universe. Maybe they’re already planted in our subconsciousness a la Inception, and they’re more real than the real. All we know is we get email and Facebook messages for them all the time.
Their names are JAN and DIANE.
Like us, they’re BFF. Like us, they think of themselves as sisters. Unlike us, Jan and Diane have closets full of mock turtlenecks, their favorite restaurant is the Olive Garden (Intern Jasmine’s theory), they actually have savings accounts, they’re cat people, they love to drink cocktails that are first and foremost the colors of pretty bridesmaid dresses, they majored in something useful in college, and they’re not disappointing to their Hardass Asian Parents.
But enough out of “Jen and Diana,” meet our better halves…
This is Jan and Diane at their computers, not grumpily blogging, still half-asleep at midday, but happily using Quicken at the crack of dawn to keep track of their money (P.S. That’s decaf in the red mug):
This is Jan and Diane at their day jobs, where they make their oodles of money that they then have to keep track of with their personal accounting software (JAN: That cancer’s Continue reading Meet Our Alter Egos, Jan & Diane
Filed under: Alter Egos, Diane Nguyen, Dynamic Duos, Jack and Diane, Jan and Dean, Jan and Diane, Jan Wang, Mistasian Identity, Who The Fuck Are Jan and Diane?
DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! Tila Tequila’s Alter Ego, “Jane”
At what point can we say that Twitter’s jumped the shark? When your boss joins? When your mom joins?
How about when your alter ego starts Tweeting, as was the case yesterday with Tila Tequila?
The Twitter account of Tila, who has professed to suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder (aka Multiple Personality Disorder), was hijacked briefly Monday by one of her alters, “Jane.” Tila’s describes Jane on her MySpace page as “crazy” and someone who “always wants to kill me.”
(Then again, after the Twitter-jacking, she also called Jane her “Sasa Fierce” [sic] and boasted that she had her alter ego 10 years before Beyoncé “came wit that,” so, uh, Jane also appears to be a career asset.)
And what else did we learn about Jane yesterday?
Continue reading DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! Tila Tequila’s Alter Ego, “Jane”
Filed under: Alter Egos, Celebrity Twitterers, DISGWITTER, Dissociative identity Disorder, I Am... Sasha Fierce, Jumping the Shark, Multiple Personality Disorder, Tila Tequila, Tila Tequila Alter Ego, Tila Tequila Jane, Tila Tequila Twitter
ROCK OF ASIAN: Rie Tsuji
It must be pretty hard to share the stage with Beyoncé and get noticed. This explains why, when you do see her performing with another artist, it’s usually with someone legendary, like Prince or Tina Turner. We can only imagine what her little sister Solange has to go through as “the other singer” in the family, and every time we see her pictured next to big sis, shrinking in B’s unearthly glow, we have this little sisterly urge to send her cookies and teddy bears.
But that’s exactly what happened during last week’s SNL, while we were watching Beyoncé work the cleavage and the legs up to here, the booty and the wind in her hair (midway through the first song, someone actually cued what seemed to be an industrial fan). That’s when we spied with our little eye a really hot Asian chick with cute bangs bangin’ on the keys. Her name is Rie Tsuji, and she hails from Saga, Japan, and she’s one of the two keyboardists in Beyoncé’s all-girl band, Suga Mama. Oh, also…bitch can play.
Here’s Rie during The Beyoncé Experience tour in 2007, busting with a solo:
Rie and the rest of the band will be touring in 2009 for Beyoncé’s most recent album, the crazazily-titled but undeniably catchy I Am… Sasha Fierce.
Filed under: Alter Egos, Asian Ladies Rock, Beautiful Japanese Women, Beyonce Knowles, I Am... Sasha Fierce, Keyboardists, Little Sisters, Rie Tsuji, Suga Mama, When Those Awful Piano Lessons Pay Off
