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Here’s a video on “How To Be Asian” by some chick named Nicole. It’s supposed to be funny or something? Apparently it’s an inside joke and part of an ongoing schtick of Nicole’s that involves putting shit on her face to become another race (black, usually) and maybe being self-satirizing about it but also maybe just being lazy and racist.
Taped eyes? Yellowface? Ching chong? Yawn.
The real tip on “How To Be Asian” that’s missing from the vid? If you want to be Asian, rule number one is Don’t Suck. I don’t know if this video was supposed to make me laugh or give me an outrage boner but neither happened. It just kinda hung there like a stale fart waiting to be collected in a glass jar and ushered out of the room so the rest of us could carry on. It was meh, it was mediocre. Mediocrity, of course, is failure, and failure isn’t Asian.
Filed under: Alexandra Wallace, Asians Hate Failure, Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong, Do Better, FAIL, Failure, How To Be Asian, Mediocrity, Racist Videos, Stupid White Chicks, Unfunny Stuff, Viral Videos, Wannabes
There’s a new Chinese food delivery service in Westwood–home to the UCLA campus–called Ching Chong Ling Long Gourmet Takeout. It’s a collab between The Palace Restaurant in Brentwood and UCLA Munchies, and it’s an Asian-run business. Ching Chong Ling Long Gourmet Takeout’s name, of course, references ex-UCLA student Alexandra Wallace’s YouTube video “Asians in the Library”–wherein she complained about Asian students talking loudly on their cell phones–and the delivery service indirectly addresses the name choice with this statement on its website:
We believe that the best way to combat intolerance is through a positive cultural experience mixed in with a healthy serving of humor, and hope that after you try us, you too will feel that way.
Lord knows we couldn’t argue with that mission statement. And we did love us some of Continue reading Would You Order From Ching Chong Ling Long Gourmet Takeout?
Filed under: Alexandra Wallace, Asians In The Library, Chinese Food, Chinese Food Jokes, Chinese Takeout, Ching Chong Ling Long Gourmet Takeout, Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong, Memes, UCLA, UCLA Munchies, UCLA student Alexandra Wallace, UCLA Student Racist Rant, Viral Videos, Westwood
But you already knew that, right? Because if Ms. Wallace had any understanding of how the Interwebz works, she might have anticipated the overwhelming and overwhelmingly negative response her video “Asians In The Library” would receive and nipped–no pun intended–the idea in the bud, continuing her college career instead in the usual quiet, polite, epiphanic-manner in which she’s clearly always conducted herself.
Further evidence of her ignorance–web-related and otherwise–surfaced today in Wallace’s hometown paper, The Sacramento Bee, in which it was revealed that Wallace’s father had written on his Facebook page last Friday morning, around the time Wallace posted the video:
“My daughter wants to start a blog. She’s asking for domain suggestions for ‘Asians on their cellphones in the library!’ She’s shooting videos as I write.”
“ASKING FOR DOMAIN SUGGESTIONS”???
Okay, look. I’m not even taking issue with the fact that she at some point thought making “Asians In The Library” into some kind of serial thing was a good idea or that she thought her dad would be the most appropriate counsel for matters pertaining to the youngs or even that her dad didn’t judge her blog idea to be totally racist and wack and think to intervene with a little fatherly advice–but, while we’re on the subject, what up with that?–I’m taking issue with the fact that THE DOMAIN SUGGESTION WAS RIGHT UNDER HER GODDAMN NOSE AND SHE COULDN’T SEE IT.
Filed under: Alexandra Wallace, Alexandra Wallace Racist Rant, Asians In The Library, Asians in the Library Remix, Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong, Draculo, Draculo Asians in the Library Remix, Internet Fame, Memes, Racist Rants, Really Dumb People, UCLA, UCLA student Alexandra Wallace, UCLA Student Racist Rant, Viral Videos, We're Taking Over Everything, YouTube
As some of you know, our site was down yesterday.
And unlike most Monday mornings, where the most disturbing thing greeting us first thing is our weekend hangovers, there was so much bad shit going on in the world.
In other words, so much bad shit to blog about.
There was the ongoing tragedy taking place on Twitter, enacted by randos and well-known players alike–50 Cent, Gilbert Gottfried, the WNBA’s Cappie Poindexter, Family Guy writer Alec Sulkin–that made fun of the ongoing tragedy in Japan.
And, of course, there were also those two viral videos. The one about Asians in the library from UCLA student Alexandra Wallace, and the one about God punishing Japan with the earthquake because it’s a country of atheists (which has since been revealed as a hoax and the work of a troll).
Like we said: SO MUCH BAD SHIT.
So how, in a moment like this, could the Internet betray us and leave us without a forum to air out our grievances? Normally, we’d blame evil gnomes–which a friend suggested look exactly like Arcade Fire–but this was different. This was bigger.
Filed under: Alexandra Wallace, Asians In The Library, Assholes, Cheesedicks, Ching Ching Ling Long Ting Tong, Chinglish, Dickburgers, Dickfaces, Dumbasses, Earthquake, Gnomes, God Is So Good, Hangovers, Idiots, Internet Memes, Japan, Racists, Trolls, Tsunami, Twitter, UCLA, YouTube