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No, we are not talking about “Twinkies” in the “yellow on the outside, white on the inside”-sense. We are talking 1,800 calories a day of Twinkies, Doritos, Oreos, and other “foods” that come in crinkly, plastic, environment-hating packages. We are talking a diet of junk food that one nutrition professor undertook for 10 weeks that not only made him lose 27 lbs., but also lowered his BMI from overweight to normal, dropped his bad cholesterol by 20 percent and increased his good cholesterol by 20 percent, and reduced his triglycerides–or fat–levels by 39 percent.
Don’t get us wrong. This diet is fucking disgusting.
One man’s Twinkie is another man’s Kyochon fried chicken, and it gives us hope that there’s a way to keep eating some of our favorite foods without one of our relatives at the next family gathering making that dreaded but inevitable observation that’s somehow okay to make when you’re Asian:
“[Insert Asian-Language Exclamation Word of your choice]–YOU GOT SO FAT!”
Question: Who can resist the ineffable charms of a 4 1/2 year-old, tech-savvy, chubby-cheeked little Asian tater tot who emails her parents, doctors her pictures, has a pet fish named Dorothy, and tries to sell you a PC?
Answer: We can.
But it is. Oh. So. Hard. Because. She. Is. Our. Achilles. Heel. Damn. You. Bill. Gates.