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As you all know, a week ago, an 8.9 earthquake hit off the eastern coast of Japan, unleashing a 23-foot tsunami that so far has claimed 7,000 lives, with another 10,000 still missing (and feared dead). Nearly 400,000 people–a good number of them elderly–have been displaced and are living in shelters. Meanwhile, the damaged Fukushima nuclear plant raised its crisis level from level 4 to 5 out of 7, which, according to CNN, “indicates the likelihood of a release of radioactive material, several deaths from radiation and severe damage to a reactor core.”
In the outpouring of sympathy and support for Japan that came from all quarters, there were those who thought what was happening in Japan was…HILARZ.
There were those who thought what was happening in Japan was from God.
There were those who seemed more concerned with the fate of the Japanese Yen than the Japanese people, and then there were those who felt very strongly that Japan finally got what was coming to them. They took to Twitter with their talk of “payback” and “karma” for Pearl Harbor, atrocities committed against other Asian countries during WWII, the killing of whales and dolphins.
And the people expressing these sorts of sentiments haven’t just been randos with too much time on their hands, they’ve been well-known and famous, with huge followings on Twitter, radio, and TV.
Below is a list of the last week’s most notable offenders:
Tweeted last Friday by the rapper to his 4 million+ followers:
Filed under: 50 Cent, AFLAC, AFLAC Duck Gilbert Gottfried, Allen Sulkin, Cappie Poindexter, Celebrity Twitterer, CNBC Larry Kudlow, Dan Turner, Deplorable Comments, Family Guy Allen Sulkin, Gaffes, Gilbert Gottfried, GIlbert Gottfried Fired, Glenn Beck, Haley Barbour Press Secretary Dan Turner, Japan, Japan Earthquake, Japan Nuclear Crisis, Japan Tsunami, Larry Kudlow, Natural Disasters, Rush Limbaugh, The Sulk, Twitter, Unfunny Stuff, WNBA Cappie Poindexter
I suppose if 50 Cent were talking about me, he would say that I love making out more than a fat kid loves cake. I do enjoy the art of kissing, so very much. My favorite game in middle school was “60 Seconds In Heaven.” The reason I always hated Pretty in Pink was because the passionate deal-sealer smooch between Andie and Blane was as cold and repugnant as two Sardines mating. I always believe in kissing on the first date, just to make sure you aren’t going on date two with a makeout bozo. Making out just rules! It’s important!
In fact, when petty crime really really starts to come back in fashion due to our tumbling economy, I would rather be a kissing bandit than a copper pipe thief. I wanna be one of those ladies in the nursing home that has to be put in a corner for being too randy. Some day, I would like to be married up and still caught up in making out–like Elvis Costello, who my friend once approvingly observed sucking face with his then-pregnant wife, Diana Krall, for the entirety of one Gramercy Tavern tasting menu dinner. I mean, what’s the harm in a little kissy face? It’s not like all of the other dangerous stuff we do in life–like have sex, drive cars, fly on planes, jump off of planes, sign up for the Army, buy a house with 0% down, or entrust our finances to a bunch of inept sharks!
Well, you could go partially deaf, like a young woman in China whose eardrum was recently ruptured during an extremely zazzly kiss with her boyfriend.
I know what you’re thinking: What the huhh? Apparently this lady’s kiss suckage reduced the pressure in her mouth and, in turn, pulled out her eardrum (Don’t worry, she’ll be right as rain in a couple of months). I mean, jeezus man, it’s not like they make a condom for this.
Even though the photo re-enactment in the Daily Mail (see left) depicts the kiss as somewhat painful and/or frigid and transpiring between a very old fella and a very young dude-er-lady-er-dudewholookslikealady?, what I can’t help but think is: Damn. That must have been one good goddamn kiss.
Thank you, Maris!
Filed under: 50 Cent, China, Condoms, Elvis Costello and Diana Krall, Hearing Loss Not Due to Metallica or Slayer, Making Out, Pretty In Pink, Strange Re-Enactments, Sucking Face, Weird On-Screen Kisses
I will not stoop so low as to criticize Ms. Ling’s erratic “dance” moves… in fact, I’ll even assume she just finished watching a mind-boggling episode of Planet Earth and was doing her best to mimic our feathered friends’ various mating displays. She’s an animal lover.
But one thing you do not–DO NOT–do, oh crazian, is squat down to freak a Little Person while 50 Cent’s voice chanting “Go Shorty, it’s your birthday” booms overhead. WHERE’S YOUR HEART, BAI? WHERE IS IT!?!????
When I heard that both 50 Cent and Masi Oka of Heroes were on TRL yesterday, I got very excited. Sadly, they did not occupy the stage at the same time.
But what if they had?
Masi: Hey, Fitty. How’s it going? I’m a huge fan. I also love your vitamin water.
50: That’s cool. I’m a fan of the show. That schizo chick’s bangin’.
Masi: Ali? Yeah, she’s pretty hot.
50: You sound different in real life.
Masi: Yeah, well, I’m playing a character, and I thought–
50: I mean, you sound a lot better. Why do you speak in that bitch voice on the show?
Masi: Hiro’s from Japan, and he’s just learning English.
Masi: So I’d thought I’ve give him a distinct elocution, you know, how people would expect a Japanese guy to talk.
50: Yeah, I feel you. But why?
Masi: (getting nervous) I, uh, wanted my character to have an arc, as they say in the business, so I just thought–
50: Man, you gotta stop that nonsense. You’ve got a big sword, know what I’m saying? You gotta use it. Shortys don’t get off on that other shit.
Masi: (voice-cracking) They don’t? I mean, okay, whatever you say.
50: Let’s blow this place and go party like it’s your birthday.