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Famed, self-proclaimed “feminist lawyer” Gloria Allred has accomplished some bold and fascinating things during her long, high-profile career. She sued the Boy Scouts for excluding girls. She repped Nicole Brown Simpson’s family in the O.J. Simpson murder trial. In ’04, she filed the first lawsuit in California challenging the denial of marriage licenses as being unconstitutional.
But Allred also represents Tiger’s classiest mistress, Rachel Uchitel, and helped her nab $10 million to keep her trap shut about her sexy times with the year’s most famous philanderer. She took on client Josyln James, the porn star who’s been peddling her dirty wares alongside an online log of Tiger’s banausic sexts, and seeks an apology for James’s… time?
The attorney now stands alongside a new money-grubbing fame-seeking apology-seeking bandwagoneer: Woods’s kindergarten teacher, Maureen Decker. Decker feels wronged by a story that first appeared in Charles Barkley’s book The Wicked Game, which was published in 2005–and after five years realized that Tiger Woods was wrapped in a shit spiral and ladies everywhere could cash in if they played their cards right she couldn’t take the “migraines, elevated blood pressure, and colitis” for one more day, sought Allred’s inparticular counsel, and went public with her beef.
Does simply signing clients with vaginas make one a feminist? Because we kinda think that a truly pro-fem lawyer would have been the one working to secure Elin Nordegren’s future and due financial security. Instead, she’s taking a percentage of victories for women who feel they are owed something for spreading their legs and screwing somebody else’s husband. Ah, what a powerful message: “If I fuck you, you better take care of me.”
Filed under: 15 Minutes of Fame, Bad Examples, Elin Nordegren, Fame Whores, Feminism is Dead, Feminists, firsts, Glorie Allred, I Call Bullshit, Lawsuits, Mistresses, Money-Grubbers, Rachel Uchitel, Striking While The Iron Is Hot, Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods Affair, Tiger Woods Affairs, Tiger Woods Sex Scandal, Ugh
Hailey Glassman, Jon Gosselin’s jilted ex, tweeted a photo yesterday–obviously phony–of the “stubby” penis she shared with Kate Gosselin and a few other mediocre chicks. (Warning: DO NOT click the picture link if you throw up easily. Or if you’re at work.)
Let me first just say that as an admirer of fine penises, I am deeply offended by this photo.
And then I will add to that statement that CALLING YOUR FORMER RIDE “NASTY” SIMPLY SHOWS THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO SETTLE AND SMOOSH YOUR MOIST ORIFICES ON A SAD, HIDEOUS DICK. Such a statement shames you far more than the owner of said penis–he didn’t have a choice.
Augh, what a wicked game Glassman is playing. It’s a contest in which nobody wins. Especially not me. I feel like I need to take a shower and watch some good porn to wash this sad image away. Or borrow my friend’s copy of Guys Gone Wild. Or my sister’s old Playgirls.
Jeez, did I ever really think that Jon Gosselin was the biggest fame whore of this bunch?
Filed under: 15 Minutes of Fame, Airing Dirty Laundry, DISGWITTER, Famewhore Twitterers, Hailey Glassman, Hideous Dicks, Horrific Images, Jon Gosselin, Jon Gosselin's "Stubby" Penis, Kate Gosselin, Magic Weiner, Mediocre Chicks, Shameful Behavior, Shameful Sex Acts, Small Penis Jokes, Small Penises, Trash Talking, Tweets, Twitter
“Fuck you, TLC! Why don’t you take your fuckin’ morals and fuckin’ shove ‘em? Do you see me? Hostin’ a pool party in Vegas. I’m gonna be a fashion designer, dudes, so I ain’t gonna need your dumb baby-parenting show anymore. I have officially arrived.
My god, I am livin’ the life… livin’ the G.D. life, aight? Fame and uh, fortune. Bitches, bikinis and booze, yo. Look how large I’m rollin’.
Ahem. You may try to squash my Ed Hardy promo tour, but I will make you regret the day you ever put me on camera, touting me as a good parent. Ya hear that? YOU WILL REGRET IT. I AM NOT A GOOD PARENT. SO THERE.“
Filed under: 15 Minutes of Fame, Awful Clothing, Bad Parenting, Christian Audigier, Douchebags, Ed Hardy, Enough Already, Jon and Kate Plus 8, Jon Gosselin, Las Vegas, Pool Party, Ways to Fuck Up Your Kids
Amazing Race–or Amazian Race, as I like to now call it–winner Victor Jih enjoyed his first spoils of fame this week by getting stalked by TMZ. Outside one of L.A.’s most notorious temples to sushi- and human-mediocrity, Koi.
Christ, Victor. First Mitt Romney, now Koi? What is it with your love of loser establishments? You really won me over with your impressive command of Mandarin in the last few legs of the race, but really. Buy yourself some taste with your half of the million dollars, for fuck’s sake!
Hello, dear DISGRASIAN readers! To paraphrase Rod Stewart, have we told you lately that we love you? Have we told you lately there’s no one else above you? We do really really appreciate that you guys take the time to check in with us, especially with so many other neat-o things on the interwebz vying for your attention. Like, for example, Joe the Plumber’s newly-launched website.
On the site, Joe has a blog, where he promises to “share the latest on the fight for preserving Americas freedoms.” At the moment, Joe’s blog is empty, which could only mean that Joe is already out there freedom-fighting. For you. And if you want to keep track of all of Joe’s comings and goings and fightings and preservings, you can. For the low, low annual cost of $19.95, you’ll get a subscription to the monthly “Joe the Blog” newsletter, total access to “Joe the Forum,” where you can chat with Joe directly, as well as free shipping on all “Joe the Plumber” merchandise. For a limited time only, you can get these same benefits–aka, the “Freedom Membership”–plus a copy of Joe’s forthcoming book for only $14.95. And, if you order today, Joe will throw in a full set of plumbing tools in a handsome tool box for no extra fee! All major credit cards accepted! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Okay, so the plumbing tools part is not exactly true, kinda like, oh, so many things that have come out of Joe the Plumber’s handsome
crack mouth. But, whatever, the election’s over, and it’s time to be non-partisan, and who knows? Maybe Joe the Plumber really will have some pearls of wisdom to dispense to the American people.
Of course, you could always just sign up for the DISGRASIAN RSS feed instead. For the low, low annual cost of…FREE. Because we, unlike Joe the Attention Whore, actually believe in spreading the wealth around.
Remember Chris “Leave Britney Alone” Crocker? He had his 15 minutes of fame and faded from view (or signed a crap development deal, same diff), but he’s back for a little more (sort of) in this video mashup from Slate and our friends at Remix America: