Dictionary

AMAZIAN –

Amazin’ Asian.

ANTI-ASIAN –

n. An Asian who’s aging well.  adj. Delaying or lessening the effects of aging by about 10 years, especially on the skin: an anti-asian cream.

Asiandroid –

Asian robot. Example: Julie Chen.

Blasian –

Black Asian. And badass.

CHINYSTERIA –

The alarmist fear that China is our new enemy and wants to poison our food, eat our dogs, take over the country and force us all to speak Ching-Chong.

Dental Disgrasian –

Disgraceful person with f-ed up, toothy teeth.

Discrazian –

Shameful member of the tribe who is also crazy.

DISGAYSIAN –

Shameful member of the tribe who also happens to be gay.

DISGRASIANMOBILES –

The Honda Element and the Toyota Scion; souped-up Acuras; a brand spankin’-new Infiniti.

EMANCIPASIAN –

Freedom.

EXPLOITASIAN –

Yellow exploitation.

FASHISM –

The oppressive, unassailable ideas handed down by the Fashion world.

GAYSIAN –

Fun.

GONGBANG –

An assault on the ears of gonging sounds that occurs in movies and television whenever someone or something Asian appears on screen. Example, Long Duk Dong in Sixteen Candles.

HARDASS ASIAN PARENTS –

Our mothers and fathers, whom we, despite our achievements and senses of familial duty, are usually disappointing.

HONORASIAN –

Honorary one of us.

KA-CHING CHONG –

Foreign language spoken by business-minded people who see dollar signs in the place of one billion slanty-eyes.

Lifestyle Asiaphile –

A person who fetishizes Asian dress, food, religion, and/or culture, often to the detriment of his/her own health and that of others. Example: Jeremy Piven.

MALAPROPASIAN –

Asian who uses sucky speech, or sucky speech used by Asians.

MISTASIAN IDENTITY –

Mistaking one of us for another; a result of believing that we all look alike.

Muslasian –

Muslim Asian.

Mutasian –

A recurring archetype in movies and television who does not have speaking lines. Also known as an Ornamental.

Nipple Slipple –

Peek-a-Boobie!!!

Nuddhism –

Religion practiced by Far Eastern nudists.

Panda-ring –

Pandering to our people.

Race Hustlers –

Michelle Malkin’s pet name for us!

Racial Dilettante –

A person who dabbles in the affect of another race or races (see Racial Drag), particularly when that race is “IN.”

Racial Drag –

Accoutrement and/or affect donned by one race to mimic another. Example: when a white girl wears chopsticks in her hair.

RICISM –

Racism against, among, and for rice eaters.

Samurite –

White Samurai who is typically the only person on Earth capable of saving innocent Japanese villagers from evil warlords and marauders.

Uncle Tam –

Yellow Uncle Tom.

Yellowface –

When a non-yellow person wears geisha make-up or slanty eyeliner while speaking mangled English. See also, Racial Drag.

  • Print this article!
  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Netvibes
  • NewsVine
  • Reddit
  • Slashdot
  • Technorati
  • Tumblr

AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Daniel Dae Kim

February 8th, 2010 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

DDK on an island with the cameras rolling. Either we just described our fantasy sex tape scenario, or somebody nabbed a lead on Hawaii Five-O!

"Later, parentals!"

Sweet Sixteen (aka Total Panda-Monday-Um)

February 8th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

Imagine the cutest thing you’ve ever seen, and multiply it by 16.

America Would Certainly Be Palin For It

February 8th, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Diana

Palin 2012? We don’t have enough shame antidote.

The Saints Came Marching In…

February 8th, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Diana

Good guys win!!!

All Apologies

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Toyota

February 5th, 2010 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Toyota President Akio Toyoda apologizes far more than expected.

10 Reasons Not To Get Plastic Surgery To Look Like Jessica Alba (And One Reason To Do It)

February 5th, 2010 | 9 comments | Posted by Diana

If your ex won’t take you back unless you undergo a number of plastic surgeries designed to help you emulate a movie star, you don’t necessarily have a problem.

Could This Kobe Any Easier?

February 5th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

Kobe Bryant in racial drag–he’s now writing the jokes for us.

DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! Tila Tequila, Twitter Quitter-Quitter

February 4th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

New tongue-twister: Tila Tequila quits quitting Twitter.

BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Facebook Turns 6

February 4th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

What did we do before Facebook filled our lives with all of this, well, filler?

Underwear? Hidetoshi Nakata, We Want To See What’s Under There

February 3rd, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Diana

We haven’t eyed a bulge set of abs this hard since Marky Mark was Marky Mark.

ROCK OF ASIAN: Silversun Pickups

February 3rd, 2010 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Congratulasians to the Silversun Pickups for not winning the Best New Artist Grammy!

WE NEED GIANT ROBOT!

February 3rd, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Diana

Giant Robot helped usher us all to our seats. Let’s return the favor.