Dictionary

AMAZIAN –

Amazin’ Asian.

ANTI-ASIAN –

n. An Asian who’s aging well.  adj. Delaying or lessening the effects of aging by about 10 years, especially on the skin: an anti-asian cream.

Asiandroid –

Asian robot. Example: Julie Chen.

Blasian –

Black Asian. And badass.

CHINYSTERIA –

The alarmist fear that China is our new enemy and wants to poison our food, eat our dogs, take over the country and force us all to speak Ching-Chong.

Dental Disgrasian –

Disgraceful person with f-ed up, toothy teeth.

Discrazian –

Shameful member of the tribe who is also crazy.

DISGAYSIAN –

Shameful member of the tribe who also happens to be gay.

DISGRASIANMOBILES –

The Honda Element and the Toyota Scion; souped-up Acuras; a brand spankin’-new Infiniti.

EMANCIPASIAN –

Freedom.

EXPLOITASIAN –

Yellow exploitation.

FASHISM –

The oppressive, unassailable ideas handed down by the Fashion world.

GAYSIAN –

Fun.

GONGBANG –

An assault on the ears of gonging sounds that occurs in movies and television whenever someone or something Asian appears on screen. Example, Long Duk Dong in Sixteen Candles.

HARDASS ASIAN PARENTS –

Our mothers and fathers, whom we, despite our achievements and senses of familial duty, are usually disappointing.

HONORASIAN –

Honorary one of us.

KA-CHING CHONG –

Foreign language spoken by business-minded people who see dollar signs in the place of one billion slanty-eyes.

Lifestyle Asiaphile –

A person who fetishizes Asian dress, food, religion, and/or culture, often to the detriment of his/her own health and that of others. Example: Jeremy Piven.

MALAPROPASIAN –

Asian who uses sucky speech, or sucky speech used by Asians.

MISTASIAN IDENTITY –

Mistaking one of us for another; a result of believing that we all look alike.

Muslasian –

Muslim Asian.

Mutasian –

A recurring archetype in movies and television who does not have speaking lines. Also known as an Ornamental.

Nipple Slipple –

Peek-a-Boobie!!!

Nuddhism –

Religion practiced by Far Eastern nudists.

Panda-ring –

Pandering to our people.

Race Hustlers –

Michelle Malkin’s pet name for us!

Racial Dilettante –

A person who dabbles in the affect of another race or races (see Racial Drag), particularly when that race is “IN.”

Racial Drag –

Accoutrement and/or affect donned by one race to mimic another. Example: when a white girl wears chopsticks in her hair.

RICISM –

Racism against, among, and for rice eaters.

Samurite –

White Samurai who is typically the only person on Earth capable of saving innocent Japanese villagers from evil warlords and marauders.

Uncle Tam –

Yellow Uncle Tom.

Yellowface –

When a non-yellow person wears geisha make-up or slanty eyeliner while speaking mangled English. See also, Racial Drag.

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Yeah, no thanks.

Advice For Your St. Patrick’s Day Celebrasian

March 17th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Diana

Irish car bombs and sloppy chicks? WOOOOOOOT!

HONORASIAN ALERT: Winnie Cooper

March 17th, 2010 | 7 comments | Posted by Jen

Winnie Cooper is sooo one of us. We’re hoping her little bun in the oven is too.

Pandargarten

March 17th, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

Our parents would never have approved of this panda school.

ROCK OF ASIANS: The Slants Like Us, They Really Like Us!

March 17th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

We’re suckers for a shout-out!

How Quiet Is Rielle Hunter?

March 16th, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Diana

Rielle Hunter is taking the classy route.

BABEWATCH: The Calvin Klein X Underwear Campaign

March 16th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”? DEAL.

AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Annabel Park

March 15th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

Coffee Party founder Annabel Park on Obama: “I personally think that he may be a good driver and I see him trying, but the fact is we are asking him to drive a broken car.”

Somebody’s Already Sounding Like A Hardass Asian Padmama

March 15th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

Rule #1 in the Hardass Asian Parent handbook: It’s never too early to have outsized expectations of your children.

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Hump

March 12th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

Eating endangered Ocean mammal meat is so fucked.

Children of Invention: Two kids are left to fend for themselves after their mom is arrested for participating in an illegal pyramid scheme.

New Yawkers/Angelenos, Time To Hit The Thea-tuh [Children Of Invention Theatrical Debut]

March 12th, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

Children of Invention, festival darling, debuts in NY/LA theaters this week.

Kong-quest

Total Kong-quest

March 12th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

Only an Asian would watch King of Kong and think, “I could beat those lifelong Donkey Kong devotee freaks in like, a couple of years.” AND ACTUALLY WANT TO. AND THEN DO IT.

Chelsea Handler Makes Asian Small Penis Joke

March 11th, 2010 | 11 comments | Posted by Jen

What’s more offensive? The fact that Chelsea Handler makes racist jokes or that she’s patently unfunny?