I generally do not like excessively well-dressed children. Clarification: I generally do not like the parents of excessively well-dressed children, specifically their inability to keep their desperate aspirational spooge from spilling over onto their offspring in such an obvious way.
Don’t get me wrong. I like excessively well-dressed people. Grown-ups who have had a say in the matter of what they’re wearing (and have actually paid for what they’re wearing, too). And I do like cute kids’ clothes, I really do, and I don’t think a kid has to dress like Sesame Street just vomited on them, but when the way a child dresses starts to veer into “chic” or “cool” or what fashion people call “style,” I’m out. (Same goes for rock t-shirts on babies. Stop it with the Metallica and Beastie Boys and David Bowie shirts, all of you.)
So imagine my surprise when I saw pictures of designer Alexander Wang’s niece, Aila Wang, at this year’s New York Fashion Week, and found myself wondering if this 4 year-old wasn’t some kind of sartorial chosen one? Or, at the very least, my spirit animal:
Maybe it’s because she’s Asian and a total muffin, regardless of what she’s wearing. Maybe it’s because I want her entire outfit head-to-toe (Nike Free Runs with a python dress designed by her uncle?! Genius.) I don’t know. I’m so confused right now.
Filed under: #NYFW, Alexander Wang, Alexander Wang's niece Aila Wang, Asian American Designers, Asian Designers, Fashion, Fashion for Children, Fashionable Children, Fashism, New York Fashion Week, Spirit Animals
Over the weekend, the front-page, top NY Times Fashion & Style story was one about the “trend” of Asian Americans marrying other Asian Americans, even while Asian Americans as a group still “trend” among the highest in intermarrying. Follow?
The reasons cited in the NYT for this so-called trend seemed to boil down to Asian Americans wanting to get back to our Asian-y Asianness. A few examples:
Filed under: Asian Americans, Asian Americans Interracial Marriage, Asian Americans Marrying, Asianness, Asians Americans Marrying Other Asian Americans, Intermarrying, Marrying In the Race, So-Called Trends, Trends
So Tuesday’s supposedly the worst day of the week–and the worst moment of the worst day is 11:45 AM, which is exactly 5 minutes away at the time of this writing.
So without further ado, I give you this laughing, sleeping, can’t-make-up-her-mind-which-one-she’d-rather Korean baby to help you through the nadir of your week:
As the top YouTube comment for this put it: “This video makes me want to have asian babies.”
Filed under: Adorbs, Amazian Jr., Asian Babies, Cute Asian Babies, Cute Overload, Cute?, Laughing and Sleeping Baby, Laughing Baby, Ovary Ticklers, Sleeping Babies, Sleeping Baby, Sleeping Like A Baby, Tuesday Worst Day Of Week, Tuesdays Suck, Viral Videos
Forget Tiger Moms. Growing up, it was my Hardass Asian Dad who was the scary one with all of the obscure rules. No comedies. No cheerleading. No shirts down to there or skirts up to here. Math workbooks and book reports over the summer. Scientific American as required reading–in the 3rd grade. Awkward hugs, if you were lucky, but mostly firm patting on the shoulder and back to show affection.
He could cut you with a look. He could give you the silent treatment for days, weeks even.
And yet, over time, he’s the one who’s gone soft. He’s the one who sends the corny e-cards. He’s the one who cries when my parents watch Korean soap operas together while my Mom gently pokes fun at him. He’s the one who melts at the sight of babies. Even as I write this, he’s downstairs in my house having a Downton Abbey viewing marathon, I shit you not.
Who knew that my Hardass Asian Dad would become this guy?
Cuddly, gentle, hooked on Masterpiece Classics.
The hugs, though, they’re still awkward, so at least I know aliens didn’t snatch his body.
Happy Father’s Day, Dad, you Hardass-Turned-Softie! And to all of you other daddies out there–hardass or no!
Like my Dad’s shirt? It’s from the brilliant and talented Martin Hsu. Buy it HERE.
Why She’s a Babe: Jane Chen is a good-looking do-gooder. Not only is she a babe, but she’s helping to save the life of babes in the traditional sense of the word with the Embrace Infant Warmer, which looks like a mini-sleeping bag and can perform the role of an incubator for babies born prematurely at less than 1% of the cost of a traditional incubator–$25 versus upwards of $20,000. Chen and her team of Amazians plan on piloting the Infant Warmer in India before introducing it to other developing countries. And anyone saving babies–a bit of an obsession of ours, we’ll admit–is beautiful in our book.
Watch Jane’s TEDTalk in which she explains how the infant warmer works:
Filed under: Amazians, Babes, Babies, Beautiful Babies, Do-Gooders, Embrace Infant Warmer, Good-Looking Do-Gooders, Incubators, India, Innovative Ideas, Jane Chen, Non-Profits, TED Fellows, TED India, TED Talks
I spent most of today trying to remember what my official “birds and bees” talk was like. My memory was just so fuzzy—didn’t my mom walk into my room one day during junior high, sit down on my bed, pat the seat next to her, and ask if I’d been feeling a little different lately? Something like that?
Oh wait, that was a Full House episode or something. My mom never gave me the talk. Like, NEVER. We NEVER TALKED ABOUT SEX.
I mean, when my sister ran away from the house her senior year in ’88 to stay with her awesomely white trash boyfriend’s awesomely white trash family, a long period ensued during which my aunts and mom would call each other from their respective homes in Michigan, Indiana, Missouri and California to speak in hushed tones about the filthy indiscretions. “Your sister, she lays with boys,” my aunt said to me while I was playing with my Barbies. “No man will ever marry her.” (She was wrong, by the way.)
When I was 17 and snuck my then-beau up into my second-story Southern California bedroom, my mom became suspicious at a noise and barreled down the hall, bursting through my door. He swiftly jumped to a hiding spot and I was discovered alone, laying awkwardly atop my fully made bed in a star-patterned bra and panties, looking guilty. My mom was confused and disturbed. She looked me in the eye and said, “You’re… I… I know what you do.” She left the room with no further talk about sex, even though my night probably included it.
I think the conversation, if we’d ever had one, would have been one-sided: “Don’t have sex.” Conversation over.
Hyphen Magazine recently addressed this kind of no-talk policy in an article called “Asian-American Women Who Accept Abortion as a Way Out.” Writer Lisa Wong Macabasco explores how deeply ingrained the denial of sex is in Asian cultures, and how categorical aversion to sex (or proof of it) has shaped generous Eastern attitudes towards drastic measures like abortion over generations. In short: abortion is less shameful than the truly disgraceful act that it functions to hide, sex.
Filed under: Abortion, Aunts, Awkward Moments, Culture Clashes, Denial, Hardass Asian Parenting, Hardass Asian Parents' Nightmares, Hyphen Magazine, Let's Talk About Sex Baby, Sex, The Birds And The Bees, The Talk
We’ll be away from our desks the month of August, carrying on with the non-bloggy aspects of our lives, watching mindless movie blockbusters, and indulging in summery drinks made with generous pours of bourbon. During this month, we’ll be linking each day to a different website that we ♥. Hopefully you’ll discover something delightful and new while we’re gone. If not, you are a serious Captain Crankypants and are probably in dire need of a summery drink made with a generous pour of bourbon.
‘Til September, lovelies.
I’ll admit that I am personally a bit of baby whore, someone who walks up to any strange little ‘un with wide open arms to offer a bounce or a burp, loves getting puked on, files “squishing baby thighs” under “favorite pastimes,” and is truly validated not by career achievement but by the squealy giggle of a toddler who can’t distinguish me from a play-and-learn musical puppy. I love babies. I probably love your baby. Give me your baby. I want to squish its thighs.
But still, I think it takes a lot for a parenting blog to be good reading for those without child. I don’t spend a ton of time on mommy and daddy sites (although I did follow a mama trail to this post about family bikes once, and almost dropped a few grand on a family tricycle just for myself), so I’m surprised that I keep finding myself browsing the stories of Busy Dad Blog and giggling at the life of Huggies-sponsored daddy Jim. Jim (Busy Dad) is one of the three people I know of in Los Angeles that rides Metro besides myself, seems like a real dude’s dude, and is constantly being outwitted by his older cutie of two, Fury (real name Marcus). I am most eternally grateful for baby Lessi (real name Alessia; Busy Dad has acknowledged that she got shortchanged on family nicknames), who has inspired a whole new cache of oogy-woogy photos to fill the empty space in my stomach that arrives every time I realize Fury is smarter than me. And she’s got those baby thighs. Just the cutest, most squishable baby thighs.
JEN: Attention, Ebates shoppers…
DIANA: (channeling Bono) “Uno, Dos, Tres… Catorce! (14?) Hallo… hallo…”
DIANA: My parents used to tell me that they got me as a baby at a Blue Light Special.
JEN: That reminds me…did you hear about the meth heads who tried to sell their baby outside a Wal-Mart? Too bad your parents weren’t there, cuz the baby was a bargain, only $25! And Ebates has a 1% cash back deal with Wal-Mart, so…
DIANA: They also could’ve put it on eBay, which has a 1-3% Ebate.
JEN: The meth really clouded their judgment.
DIANA: Hear that, kids? Just say NO.
JEN: Enough about discount babies, what did you buy using our Ebates cashola?
DIANA: Well…first, I had to get a replacement foundation for the one I lost in Oklahoma last month. Sigh. Somewhere in the rural backwoods of Tulsa, some hotel employee is walking around with a really dewy, smooth, flawless complexion. Bitch! It’s the Chanel Vitalumière in 41, Natural Beige. SPF 15, so I don’t get too tan in the face and look, as my Hardass Asian Grandma would say, “like a worker.”
JEN: You are naturally tan in the face though!
DIANA: Yeah. My grandma always frowned and made the clucking sound: “Ohhhh… you Continue reading Diana and Jen’s Excellent Ebates Shopping Adventure [Sponsored]
Filed under: Asians Love Discounts, Chanel, Clogs, Costco, Earwax, Ebates, Exes Suck, Hardass Asian Moms, Hygiene, IKEA, Madewell, Magazines, Masochism, Nordstrom, Real Doll, Sephora, Twilight, U2, ValueMags, Yoga
Since I’ve already shown my hand today by admitting an unshakable love for all things SJP and Sex and the City, I figure I might as well go all out and divulge my intimate relationship with another female icon: Martha Stewart.
Let me be clear. Martha as a woman kinda scares me. I would never fuck with her. Never ever ever. I also recall seeing a commercial once for her home products–it featured her jolly-like in a bathtub filled with only her body and water and bubbles. That was horrible.
But what about her love of colored tumblers? I share that. And her fondness for in-season vegetables from local markets? That’s me, too. The modern foliage modernizing her uppity East coast homes? Oh yes. Her inclination towards powder blue and sea foam wall paint? I concur! Her love of cocktails? I share that as well. Her adorable dog babies? I couldn’t love those frenchies and the new chow pup more!
One thing I have learned from many moons of reading her monthly opus, Martha Stewart Living: Ol’ Martha and I love all the same shit.
And ever since plowing through a highly amusing piece about the Living craft staff in David Rakoff’s most recent book of essays, Don’t Get Too Comfortable, I can’t help but fantasize about what the people that actually live inside the pages of my beloved magazine are like. Martha’s army. They must be a rare and special sort—for crying out loud, they deal with MARTHA. THE MARTHA. EVERY DAY. And they satisfy her sea foam dreams! They press her vegetable-print notecards! They sew her seersucker summer napkins! She trusts them with her photographs: close-ups on tropical ferns in unexpected country locales, beauty shots of crusty bread, multiple varieties of ranunculus, collectible absinthe saucers! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Even after I give birth to my first child, I’m pretty sure I’m going to tell my mom and dad that I’m a virgin. It’s like, my duty as the fourth child of two Hardass Asian Parents (who, as far as I know, are also virgins). It’s how we roll, yo. We’re expected to avoid dating but marry someone rich and virile, have babies without ever making sweet monkey love, and teach our kids to do the same.
So the first thing I thought when I read on HuffPo that an Aussie producer put together a cast willing to auction off their virginities to the highest bidder for a reality TV show was: I’ll be damned if there’s an Asian-Australian on that show!!! Hardass Asian Parents would go ape shit.
Apparently, all of the parents are pretty unhappy about the show’s concept.
Filed under: Cultural Lows, Disappointing My Parents, Fear The Wrath Of A Hardass Asian Parent, Flogging, Hardass Asian Parents, Pervs, Prostitution, Reality TV, Shameful TV Show Concepts, Shaming Your Family, Sluts, Virginity, Virginity Is So Overrated It's Unbelievable, Virgins, Weird Australian Behavior
Do not resist.
Do not fight the urge.
Do not think about how you may reflect back on your actions in the future. Stay in the moment.
Do not second-guess yourself.
Do not look at yourself through the eyes of others. You will become self-conscious, and the moment will be lost.
Take a deep breath.
Relax your shoulders.
Think about something happy, like babies, or unicorns.
Understand that, whatever your race, creed, religion, color, sex, sexual orientation, national origin, political affiliation, or age, you will surrender.
You must surrender…
Filed under: 2010 Shanghai World Expo, Asian Peace Sign, Asian Poses, Asian V Sign, Asians and Their Love of Peace Signs, Asians Love Gambling, Local Customs, Mind Control, Shanghai World Expo, Vulcan Mind Meld, When In Rome
The first photo of Padma Lakshmi’s 3 week-old daughter, Krishna Thea–taken while mother and child were hangin’ on a park bench in NYC–has been revealed on Celebrity Baby Blog.
Celebrity Baby Blog also reports that Padma has said she’d be “delighted” if her daughter became a chef, “as long as she was a good one.”
Hear that, little baby Krishna? NO PRESSURE.
Filed under: Desis, Hardass Asian Expectations, Hardass Asian Mamas, Hardass Asian Moms, Hardass Asian Mothers, Hardass Asian Parents, Hot Moms, Indian-Americans, Krishna Thea Lakshmi, MILFs, No Pressure, Padma Lakshmi, Padma Lakshmi Daughter, Top Chef