NY Post Calls Jeremy Lin “AMASIAN,” We’re Gonna Sue

The blogosphere’s abuzz over today’s NY Post headline that declared Jeremy Lin an “AMASIAN” after he hit a game-winning three against the Toronto Raptors last night. Writers are wondering if this is offensive, given the fact that Lin is Asian American, born and raised.

And the answer to this question?

YES. THIS IS TOTALLY OFFENSIVE. WE ARE TOTALLY OFFENDED. HEADS WILL ROLL.

BECAUSE THE NEW YORK POST IS BITING OUR STYLE.

AND TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY, THEY’RE SPELLING “AMAZIAN” WRONG.

Behold, the first entry in the DISGRASIAN Dictionary:

Continue reading NY Post Calls Jeremy Lin “AMASIAN,” We’re Gonna Sue

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Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian

Check out this video of two toddlers dancing and singing “Hey Ya.” You’re welcome. [YouTube]

Actor/comedian/doctor and all-around Amazian Ken Jeong might be the best dressed photo-bomber of all time. [GQ]

Gawker’s compiled the best memes inspired by the Murdoch Bitch-Slap Hearing. [Gawker]

Wonder how Wendi Murdoch married a billionaire? Wonder no more, as the Beijing Moral Education Center for Women is teaching Chinese ladies the “morals” of marrying rich. Or something like that. [Yahoo!]

David Sedaris’ racist and classist piece on the people, culture, and food of China has left a bad taste in Asian Pop columnist Jeff Yang’s mouth. [Original Spin]

You now need more green–about $2400 worth–to go green with the Nissan LEAF. Therefore Diana’s Dream Car Fund is now accepting donations! [WSJ]

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Gimme An F! Gimme An I! Gimme An E! Gimme An R! Gimme A C…


As many of you know, I was a cheerleader in high school, and naturally have a soft spot for all things cheerleading. It’s dance, performance and sport in one package, guys. Can’t hate!

But I’ve always been pretty meh when it comes to male cheerleaders. No, I don’t think they’re weenies–quite the opposite. I fully appreciate how instrumental they are in taking cheer stunting and performance to the next level–their strength and athleticism as bases and tumblers totally change the whole game.

But that’s also my issue with cheer dudes. Typically male cheerleaders are extra tough and robot-stiff on the dance floor/field/court/stage… perhaps to prove that, although they do hold megaphones and point a perky “number one” in the air, they’re still swinging big dicks or whatever. They never use pom poms, which are quite possibly my FAVORITE thing cheer has to offer (I challenge you to think of anything happier than a silvery, sassy pom pom!). They wear completely different outfits from their female counterparts, usually primary-hued polyester pants (which is respectable and kind of unavoidable but also violates the uniformity of a squad’s overall look, a result that irks me on an endemic level. I mean, cheer pants?! Whatever!) that suck.

Male cheerleaders can make the argument that they are cheerleaders solely to put their strength and athleticism to work, while getting to shove their hands into the shadowy crevices of the world’s most perfect thighs. But few are on cheer squads to dance and cheer for cheer‘s sake. Not all, but most. And by golly, if somebody’s leading me to cheer, I want it to be for CHEER’S SAKE!

Anyway. The context of my opinion on male cheerleaders is only the tip of the iceberg Continue reading Gimme An F! Gimme An I! Gimme An E! Gimme An R! Gimme A C…

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Marshall Zhang, The Kid That May Have Cured Cystic Fibrosis

Name: Marshall Zhang

Age: 16

Hails from: Toronto, Canada

Occupation: Student, as in, um, HIGH SCHOOL student

Known for: Possibly discovering a cure for Cystic Fibrosis–or at least laying the groundwork for a breakthrough.

Lemme ‘splain how this went down. Okay, so like me, Marshall Zhang took AP Bio his sophomore year and thought it totally badass.

Alas, this is where our paths diverge: My junior year (it was awhile ago but I still remember quite clearly) I enrolled in Physics and AP Chem, quickly realized I have no place in the elegant world of natural sciences, dropped AP Chem, doodled my way to a B+ in Physics, decided to begin compiling a bitchin’ record collection, declared that “music is my science,” you can figure out the rest.

Zhang decided he needed more than school could offer and asked every professor listed as biochemistry faculty at the University of Toronto if he could work in their labs. Every one said no, except for Dr. Christine Bear, a researcher at the Hospital for Sick Children’s Research Institute in Toronto. Under the tutelage of his mentor, Zhang was able to do advanced research regarding treatment for the incurable Cystic Fibrosis.

From LiveScience: Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Marshall Zhang, The Kid That May Have Cured Cystic Fibrosis

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Dan Adler Is The Key-Raziest Congressional Candidate The World Has Ever Seen

What you’re about to see is real. Dan Adler is not a troll. Dan Adler is a Democratic candidate running for a seat in California’s 36th congressional district. Apropos of nothing, Dan Adler’s wife is Korean.

This message was not paid for by Dan Adler for Congress.

So, apparently when you have a hobbit running your congressional campaign, magical things happen.

“WHASSA MENSCH”?!

Gosh, I’m glad you asked, Korean Immigrant Dry Cleaning Lady With Issues! You see, a mensch is a stand-up guy, a person of great integrity. Kinda like a hobbit with less hairy feet.

Oh, and also: a mensch is someone who “gets shit done.” Just ask any Old White Weight Lifting Lady Surrounded by Brown Men in Banana Hammocks!

Continue reading Dan Adler Is The Key-Raziest Congressional Candidate The World Has Ever Seen

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! @ReallyVirtual, The Man Who Unwittingly Live-Tweeted The Raid On Osama bin Laden

Meet Sohaib Athar–@ReallyVirtual on Twitter–a Pakistani IT consultant from Lahore who, up until a day ago, was “taking a break from the rat-race by hiding in the mountains with his laptops.” And the name of the mountain town where Mr. Athar had taken refuge?

Abbottabad.

Turns out Athar wasn’t the only man who found the Sarban hills surrounding the city to be the perfect hideaway. But Athar is, however, the only man who live-blogged the raid on that other guy’s mountain retreat. And unwittingly, at that!

Though now “the rat race” Athar had been trying to escape in Lahore has come to him–with journalists the world over scrambling to land an interview with Athar–the Pakistani man just trying to get away from it all hasn’t lost sight of his core values–or, for that matter, his appealingly wry sense of humor:

[WSJ: From Abbottabad, Live-Tweeting the Bin Laden Attack]
[@ReallyVirtual on Twitter]

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BABEWATCH: Polyester Grandpa

When Intern Jasmine sent us a link to the gent that fashion blogger Mister Mort refers to only as “The Man In The Polyester Suits,” I immediately knew he was this week’s Babewatch babe. For one, I have a weakness for polyester suits, and have owned many in my life (none of which have surfaced in the years that I’ve known Jen, because I’ve secretly believed she would disapprove of my love for synthetic fabrics)–they’re nearly impossible to destroy, always maintain a sharp pleat, are perfect for soul dancing, and always remind me of my grandpa.

But come on, it’s easy to see this grandpa’s multitude of babe-worthy qualities: attention to style and detail, gleeful eyes, ageless skin, lean build, cleanliness, neatness, willingness to play with color, an overall playful vibe and–the best looking thing of all–a good book. After all, a good book in hand is a good look on a man!

Gloves, hat, smile--AMAZIAN!

Continue reading BABEWATCH: Polyester Grandpa

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ROCK OF ASIAN: Jimmy Wong’s Response to Alexandra Wallace Is Even Catchier Than Rebecca Black’s “Friday”

There will, heaven willing, be a million and one video responses to Alexandra Wallace’s now-infamous rant about Asians in the library. The racism, ignorance, and overall stupidity of the video have been–due to the rapidfire responses of whip-smart netizens–in many ways reclaimed or reappropriated. Also, like it or not, “Ching chong ling long ting tong” has (rather ironically) been cemented in the Asian American vernacular (and we have the t-shirts to prove it).

But I must say that the best counterattack of Ms. Wallace’s awfulness isn’t an attack at all. It’s a love song.





I literally have not stopped singing this chorus for over 24 hours, and I have to admit I kinda don’t feel so angry anymore. All I wanna do is hug on Jimmy Wong.

Jimmy Wong*, FTW. ForThefuckingWin.

*Did you know: This is AMAZIAN Freddie Wong‘s bro? Coolest, funniest, awesomest, rockingest family EVAR.

[YouTube: Jimmy Wong's Channel]

Source
Thanks, everybody (lots of you love this video)!

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Alvin Wong, Happiest Person In America

Alvin Wong with his wife, Trudy Schandler-Wong

Name: Alvin Wong

Age: 69

Ethnicity: Chinese American

Religion: Judaism

Occupation: Business owner and Happiest Person in America

According to data collected by Gallup over the last three years that was then plugged into a formula called the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index, the statistical composite for the happiest person in the U.S. is:

…tall, Asian-American, observant Jew who is at least 65 and married, has children, gets lei-ed lives in Hawaii, runs his own business and has a household income of more than $120,000 a year.

Alvin Wong, a 5’10″, 69 year-old health care management business owner, fits that bill. But is he the only one? I mean, how many tall, Asian American, observant Jews 65-and-over do you know?

(In light of the fact that the median income for Jews and Asian Americans is not only similar but exceeds the national average, the $120 thou a year part is a given. Jews are reputed to have slightly higher divorce rates than non-Jews, while Asian Americans have slightly lower divorce rates, so when combined the marriage thing is a non-factor. And remember, this is all junk science, so no emails about this being junk science and stereotype-dredging. I mean, duh.)

Since Diana and I both suck at math, I had a Physics professor friend of mine–not my Hardass Asian Dad, incidentally–crunch the numbers for me. Here are his findings based on the data I provided for him:

Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Alvin Wong, Happiest Person In America

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10 Reasons You Should Attend Banana 2 Tomorrow

1. Because that list of “brilliant, insightful comments” you plan to write one day on 20 of 8Asians’ archived posts ain’t gettin’ any shorter.

2. Panel discussions are actually really, really, really fun. It’s like being in a college humanities class without having to pay tuition, meet with your TA, or do homework.

3. Because in person, Angry Asian Man isn’t all that angry.

4. Because bloggers are typically way better-looking in real life than the pasty, computer-necked trolls we often imagine them to be.

5. Community man, community.

6. Because it’s about time somebody give host/memoirist Lac Su a hug and an “I Love You.”

7. Because, all jokes aside, there are so many AMAZIANS slated to speak at this event, it’s not even funny. Want to have an extensive, insightful, modern, diverse, REAL dialog about the shifts and challenges facing the AAPI universe? Now’s your chance.

8. You, too, can get tips on starting your own blog! And then we’ll be like, kindred spirits.

9. Gil Asakawa can really party like a champ. Don’t let him tell you otherwise.

10. We hear there’s free booze. OKAY, we haven’t heard that, but we’re sure no one would frown upon a classily-sipped classy flask. Not if there are any ragians in the house!

***

Want more clarificasian on what the fuzz Banana 2 is? Joz Wang has done a kickass job of laying it all out at jozjozjoz.

Continue reading 10 Reasons You Should Attend Banana 2 Tomorrow

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BABEWATCH [Fashion Week Edition]: Alexander Wang’s Amazian Jr. Niece

Last week, I caught up with the goings-on of NY fashion week almost entirely through the musings of our pals The Fug Girls for NY Mag, who thankfully survived a 20-minute fashionista pileup at the Erin Fetherston show, multiple uses of those hideous Port-a-Johns in Lincoln Center, and about a zillion (which is probably a zillion too many) sightings of the newly-single Vanessa Hudgens:

Is this leather? Or pleather? Whateather; I hate it!

But aside from The Fug Girls’ fun anecdotes, stories about this annual fashion clusterfuck tend to just annoy and/or confuse me. Maybe I’m grouchy because I need a new bag. And some new booties. And a new brown pleather minidress. And I’m suffering from a raging case of lady hormones. And I’m freezing my arse off (LA’s in the 50s right now–but it feels like 37 degrees in my house), so looking at a bunch of skinny people with bare legs instead of winter coats in February in cold-ass New York just makes me feel COLDER.

Now London is celebrating its own Fashion Week, and I can’t seem to deal with it either. My fingers are freezing just as I type the word “fashion.” Is that why I can’t look at these pictures of you outside the Burberry show, Gemma Chang? Whoever you are? Who are you?

Continue reading BABEWATCH [Fashion Week Edition]: Alexander Wang’s Amazian Jr. Niece

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Lisa Lee And Lynn Chen’s “Thick Dumpling Skin”

In all of my three decades of life, I have never once been skinny.

Now–before you get all up in my grill with the, “Ohmygawd Diana, you’re NOT fat” words of soothing or the “You bitch, don’t talk to me about not being skinny” words of annoyance, please know that I’m not fishing for compliments, nor complaining about my size, nor stating I’ve never been a healthy, normal weight. I’m just saying, I’ve never been skinny.

But Asian girls are supposed to be skinny, right?

That’s like, the Asian girl thing: “Oh gosh, I just eat and eat and eat but I can’t gain any weight.” And “Urggg–they ran out of size zeros.” And “I was the skinniest person on my softball team in high school and I always hated it.” And “I can’t believe it, Yennie and I both hit three-digit weights over the holidays and we almost died!” Slight frames and narrow shoulders and bony hips and knobby knees and protruding ribs and flat asses and tiny breasts and slender thighs and stick arms. It’s our answer to the world’s Amazon legs and blonde waves and sexy curves. We’re skinny, betches.

Well, some of us.

Are we all meant to look like this?

Then there are the rest of us. We are sized 4, 6, 8, 14, 20. Medium and XXL. We do not eat whatever we want. Our clothes don’t “hang” on us. We cannot fathom wearing thigh-high boots. We have learned to like Diet Coke. We see photos of ourselves at weddings and realize that our arms are the same size as our cousins’ legs. We do not get lifted whimsically in the air by men. We have never liked our knees. We walk into an Asian supermall and watch them shake their heads–Your size we do not carry. We have Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Lisa Lee And Lynn Chen’s “Thick Dumpling Skin”

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