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Dude Drops Kid Going For A Foul Ball, Wife Murders Him With Her Eyes

Of late, I’ve been watching the Red Sox implode spectacularly, so baseball has been a very, very sad affair around my house. That’s why this video makes me very, very happy:

You can tell by reading her lips she said, “How are you going to drop our child on her head and not catch that foul ball? Trifling motherfucker.”

[via BuzzFeed]

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Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian

Forever 21 bounces back from that “Allergic to Algebra” misstep by debuting a darling collaboration with Hello Kitty! The super-cute collection goes on sale November 18. [Racked]

Alexa Chung dishes with Refinery 29 on being a style icon and, in her words, “a cookie-cutter hipster.” [Refinery 29]

NYC is sweet on Mindy Kaling. This week both The New Yorker and New York Times Magazine showed love for her new book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns). [New Yorker, NYTM]

Beware, female travelers to South Korea! Studies show that lady passengers are subjected to full body scans in numbers much greater than male travelers at several South Korean airports. [Korea Times]

A recent Philippines Airlines flight to the US found itself with an extra passenger on board when a pregnant flyer gave birth. The new mother, a Philippine citizen, had her baby while the plane was over international waters. No word yet on the baby’s nationality. [Jaunted]

Before Feng Luoyu was a Brooklyn manicurist, she was the “Most Hated Woman in China.” [NYM]

The College Republican “pay-by-race” bake sale at UC Berkeley sounds unappetizing. Not to mention racist. [CNN]

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! 2 Broke Girls’ Han “Bryce” Lee

I watched the pilot episode of 2 Broke Girls this week, even though multi-camera sitcoms really aren’t my thing. (Give me one hour dramas with teens or monsters or, even better, teens and monsters, any night of the week.) The CBS sitcom is about two women who form an unlikely friendship waitressing together at a greasy spoon in a not-cool neighborhood in Brooklyn.

And I liked it. Mostly. Beth Behrs is appealing as Caroline, the suddenly broke daughter of a disgraced Madoff-like figure, and Kat Dennings, who plays snarky Max, is infinitely watchable.

The same can’t be said for the show’s other characters, who are little more than a collection of broad, hacky, outmoded–even for network television–stereotypes, like Oleg, the pervy Russian Ukrainian cook who hits on the girls all day long, or Earl, the old, black wisecracking cashier who appears to be bound to his chair in the corner, or, worst of all, Han “Bryce” Lee, the Korean immigrant owner of the diner.

Han, who changes his name to “Bryce,” so that, as Dennings’ Max puts it, “people [can] take him even less seriously” than they already do, is a clueless, little man who spreaks Engrish and has no grasp of American culture. In an earlier draft of the pilot, he was actually named “Rice Lee,” so I guess that’s progress?

No. Not really.

It being 2011 and all, shouldn’t “ethnic” characters be more by now than just the butt of jokes made by pretty girls?

[CBS.com: 2 Broke Girls]

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Wherein I Can Only Conclude That Padma Lakshmi Is A Vampire

I was at the Emmys on Sunday, in my seat near the aisle, taffeta bunching up in my pits, when Padma Lakshmi walked by. If there was an award for Best Skin, it would have had to have gone to her. Head to toe, she shimmered, like Edward Cullen in the sunlight, only more golden like her Armani Prive dress. It was as though she was giving off sparks. Everyone stared. The pictures don’t even begin to do her justice.

As she glistened her way up the aisle, a mere mortal stepped on her train, and she growled “OUCH!” loudly in that bitchy pretty girl way that really means “HOW DARE YOU EVEN COME NEAR ME MUCH LESS STEP ON MY DRESS YOU WORTHLESS MOTHERFUCKER,” and I swear to God, something like fangs popped out of her mouth. She must’ve quickly retracted them the way they do on True Blood, because they were soon replaced by a fake smile on her face as she resumed the charade of being a real person again.

Laughing on the outside, thinking about tearing open your jugular on the inside

[FABSUGAR: 2011 Emmy Awards: Padma Lakshmi]

Source

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We’re In An American Apparel Ad For Crop Tops And Short Shorts!!!

HA.

MADE YOU LOOK.

[American Apparel]

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Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian

Was Chinese TV show Super Girl cancelled because the singing competition (think American Idol) was too vulgar, or because it allowed viewers to vote (how democratic!) for their favorite contestants? [Jezebel]

No iPhone for the ROK! It looks like Samsung is planning to block the release of the iPhone 5 in South Korea. [ars technica]

Modern Family‘s new Lily is cute. We still miss old Lily (even if she always looked like she was about to fall asleep). [Aol TV]

We find it hard to argue with a deity that insists upon the consumption of Chinese food on Christmas (or any holiday really). [reddit]

First Brother-In-Law Konrad Ng–who’s married to Obama’s sister Maya Soetoro- Continue reading Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian

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What A Sh*tshow: The CNN/Tea Party Debate

I am a masochist.

For one, I work in television, and a little too much lately at that (hence the recent lack of blogging), which is an industry clearly suffering from a dearth of powerful Asians. In the Golden People’s absence, idiots reign supreme, and proliferate (Remember the idiot assistant of that other ignoramus that couldn’t coordinate your last conference call? He’s now your executive) like zombies.

God help us all

I also watched last night’s CNN/Tea Party Debacle Debate, when I clearly should have been watching Miss Philippines get robbed of the Miss Universe crown instead. What can I say? I love watching that she-devil Michele Bachmann’s hair shimmer in the light.

After all, Bachmann certainly made her mark, making sure to answer as few direct questions as possible and assuring that audiences got a real sense of how Rick Perry has violated hordes of little Texan girls with a “dangerous” HPV vaccine. You’ve gotta hand it to Rick “Lovya Dubya” Perry–he may not know his foot from his head, but he sure knows how to get people scratching their heads… which could, amazingly, get him elected.

Fact is, the show was more a display of theatrics than politics, from the gaudy CNN set to Wolf Blitzer’s ridiculous face, to the candidates’ introductions, to the Perry dogpile, to the overuse of “Obamacare” (like one of Pee-Wee’s secret words), to the sports championship tone of the whole bonanza. I found myself watching the mess as a witness, as if all the loons on the stage were talking about some theoretical country instead of the one I live in, dismissing the needs of this country and cheering for the deaths of uninsured sick people as if such people didn’t exist.

Continue reading What A Sh*tshow: The CNN/Tea Party Debate

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Forever 21 Tells Girls That Math Is Hard

Just in time for back-to-school shopping, Forever 21 has issued this “Allergic to Algebra” tee! It’s the new “Math Class is Tough” Barbie, only twenty years later! (Progress? What progress?)

But oh the mixed messages Forever 21 is putting out with their “Graphic Tees.” Here are a few of their other offerings:

Continue reading Forever 21 Tells Girls That Math Is Hard

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Eye-Taping Is So Candy-Ass

Last week, a YouTube video surfaced of former plus-size model Crystal Renn–no stranger to controversy vis-à-vis physical transformation–taping her eyes back in what appeared to be an attempt to look Asian during a Vogue Nippon photo shoot.

While Refinery 29 wondered if eye-taping wasn’t akin to blackface, a disturbing phenomenon that’s reared its ugly head in recent photo shoots, Renn tried to clear things up this week in an interview with Jezebel, maintaining that eye-taping is a model trick frequently used to achieve a “straight brow” (as opposed to an Asian eye):

No one told me at the shoot to tape. It is something that I often do to add to the look of the character if I feel that the look makes sense, and often I suggest it. I have very heavy brows, and they’re more curved than straight, and sometimes when you’re doing a character it might require more of a straight brow. Which sounds like such a small detail, but it can completely transform the face. Lots of actresses do this, models do this — I don’t know how willing models usually are to do it, or if other people suggest it, but I am willing, and I even bring [tape] it in my own kit.

Even though Renn seems sincere, since eye-taping was employed for so many years as a way to make white actors look Asian–in the place of actually hiring Asians–I’m not sure it can ever escape its racist connotations. In fact, in the same interview with Renn, Jezebel points out that eye-taping isn’t even a thing of the past.

So what’s a would-be eye-taper to do?

What Asians have been doing for decades to achieve a, ahem, “curved brow.”

Yes, I mean eyelid surgery, but reverse-engineered:

Crystal Renn + Liu Wen = CRYSTAL WENN

Extreme, sure. Though people will be too awed by the commitment this sort of body modificasian requires to ever think it’s racist. And it may be expensive, but think of the money one could save over a lifetime on tape!

Or, you know, Vogue Nippon could just hire an Asian model with a naturally “straight brow” the next time and avoid this sticky situation altogether.

[Refinery 29: Is Taping Your Eyes To Look Asian The New Blackface?]
[Jezebel: Crystal Renn Wasn’t Trying To ‘Look Asian’ In That Eye Tape Shoot]

Special thanks to Helen for creating “Crystal Wenn”!

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Audrey Magazine’s Fashion Night Out 2011 [GIVEAWAY]

Calling all L.A. Fashionistasians! Audrey Magazine is hosting its fourth annual fashion show party extravaganza next Wednesday, September 14, and DISGRASIAN readers get 20% off tickets! (Just type in code “disgrasian” when buying tix.)

Deets are as follows:

Audrey Magazine, the nation’s premier lifestyle magazine for Asian American women, is hosting Audrey’s Fashion Night Out 2011, its fourth annual fashion show, bringing the Asian American community together for an evening of fashion and entertainment.

Collaborating with some of the most exciting talent in the fashion, entertainment and music industries, Audrey’s Fashion Night Out 2011 will include hot celebrities and professional models in the high-end fall fashion, stellar dance performances, and a fabulous star-studded after-party with a hosted bar.

America’s Best Dance Crew finalists Kaba Modern and girl group Blush are scheduled to perform.

And just cuz we love you, the first 2 readers who email info@disgrasian.com telling Intern Jasmine the 11 reasons why she’s awesome will get a pair of FREE TICKETS ($100 value) to Audrey’s Fashion Night Out 2011. Deadline for the giveaway is Monday, September 12, 12 noon PST.

Everyone else who hates free stuff can purchase tickets here.

[Audrey's Fashion Night Out 2011]

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