DIANA: OMG, JEN. OMG. Did you hear about that jungle Asian lady in OC that chopped her estranged husband’s dick off and threw it in the garbage disposal? Er, allegedly?
JEN: Diana, everyone‘s heard about Catherine Kieu Becker! She’s the Dick Disposer!
DIANA: I thought of you, you know. As soon as I read the story, I thought of you.
JEN: Because I’ll cut your goddamn dick off if you fuck with me?
DIANA: Well, yeah.
JEN: That’s so sweet.
DIANA: YOU’RE so sweet, knife lady!
JEN: Aw, doll. You flatter me so.
DIANA: But I mean, she threw it down a GARBAGE DISPOSAL! Holy shit.
JEN: She meant business! “No dick-respect or anything…”
DIANA: They had to fish the pieces out and send ‘em to the hospital! I bet they were all gross and covered with hair and disposal gunk!
JEN: Maybe some onion peels and little bits of rice.
DIANA: EWW. Don’t you think that’s a little much?
JEN: Hard to say because I wasn’t there, but it’s certainly very thorough.
DIANA: The thought of holding a severed, bloody, limp penis in my hand is, I think, too much for even my wicked brain to handle.
JEN: You jungle Asians are crazy!
DIANA: Right? Y’know, she said he “deserved it.”
JEN: Seems plausible.
DIANA: Not to get all dark or nuffin, but in the Bobbitt sutation, he was abusive and there was a spousal rape situation, so like, he deserved-deserved it.
JEN: I think it came out today that she was pissed about an “inappropriate relationship.” Somebody staying at the house.
DIANA: Well, maybe he deserved it.
JEN: I mean look, if my husband had some bitch staying at the house, I’d probably have to cut his dick off.
DIANA: See? I thought of you.
JEN: I love that.
DIANA: And I’m never fucking with you.
JEN: I love that more.
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