You are currently browsing the archives for July, 2011

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Who Framed Seemona Sumasar?

The story of 36-year-old single mom Seemona Sumasar (detailed earlier this week by the NYT), pictured above, is a pretty sad one. A self-made Morgan Stanley analyst-turned-restaurateur, Sumasar had her life together when she met Jerry Ramrattan (pictured below), who, according to the Times, “said he was a police detective, but never seemed to go to work. He seemed obsessed with C.S.I., Law & Order and other television police dramas.” They started dating, and he ended up moving in. Over time she became suspicious about the fact that he lied constantly, and for the next year begged him to leave, though he refused.

In March of 2009, Ramrattan reportedly cornered her, taped her mouth, and raped her. After she pressed charges, he sent people to intimidate her. When she wouldn’t drop the charges, Ramrattan–free on bail–framed her.

Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Who Framed Seemona Sumasar?

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Proof Positive Hipsters Will Buy Anything That Makes Them Look Like Assholes

I’ve been seeing white people wearing rice paddy hats around town lately and had begun to wonder if Los Angeles was making some sort of shift into an agrarian society?

But now I understand.

Presenting Rice Paddy Hats for Hipsters! For fifteen real dollars!

A reader tipped us off to this and wondered if this wasn’t some racist foolery and were we mad at it, but I say naw. The person who buys this hat is a victim. A victim of fashion, of no SPF being high enough to protect their melanin-challenged skin, of Dov Charney and his twisted sense of everything, and, most likely, a victim of fetal alcohol syndrome and its attendant lifelong impairment of judgment.

In other words, I pity the fool.

[American Apparel: Conical Asian Hat]

Thanks, Vincent!

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Rep. David Wu Resigns To Begin Life As A Furry In Earnest

It’s been a rough 6 weeks for Democrats trying to keep their dicks in their pants in the House. First we lose a Weiner, and then a Furry to sex scandals.

Wu in a photo he sent around to staffers last October

Meanwhile, isn’t there a debt-ceiling crisis going on?

[LAT: David Wu to resign in wake of sex allegations]

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@DirecTV: Your Dat Phan “Whale” Ad Blows

Dear Cable Overlord,

I’ll be honest, I’m still kinda pissed at you for making me break up all those years ago with my Mac-like TiVo and forcing me into a marriage with your PC-like fake-TiVo-that-doesn’t-have-a-catchy-name. I miss those cute noises my TiVo used to make, even that weird bonk it issued when I pushed the wrong button or what have you. But you’ve given me the MLB, NFL, and NBA packages, and Friday Night Lights six months ahead of everyone else and now Damages, so, really, I’ve had little cause to complain since.

But this, DirecTV’s “The Whale” ad starring Dat Phan, winner of the first Last Comic Standing? This blows.

Here’s why:

  1. You’re clearly ripping off Ken Jeong’s Mr. Chow from The Hangover movies.
  2. While I love me some Ken Jeong almost any day of the week, Mr. Chow is basically awful and your rip-off is worse.
  3. An Asian accent isn’t a stand-in for funny.
  4. Wait, was this ad supposed to be funny? I’m assuming because you hired a comedian, the answer is yes. But I can’t tell. Seriously, I can’t tell.
  5. Let’s assume this ad was supposed to be funny. Jokes about an Asian person being small are played and unfunny. So I guess you weren’t trying to be funny? See that? Now I’m confused, which is never a good thing in advertising.

But, hey, listen. If you finally get that new and improved DirecTV TiVo DVR out this year that you’ve been teasing me with for the last three, I may find it in my heart to forgive.

Your begrudging cable serf,

Jen

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Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian

Check out this video of two toddlers dancing and singing “Hey Ya.” You’re welcome. [YouTube]

Actor/comedian/doctor and all-around Amazian Ken Jeong might be the best dressed photo-bomber of all time. [GQ]

Gawker’s compiled the best memes inspired by the Murdoch Bitch-Slap Hearing. [Gawker]

Wonder how Wendi Murdoch married a billionaire? Wonder no more, as the Beijing Moral Education Center for Women is teaching Chinese ladies the “morals” of marrying rich. Or something like that. [Yahoo!]

David Sedaris’ racist and classist piece on the people, culture, and food of China has left a bad taste in Asian Pop columnist Jeff Yang’s mouth. [Original Spin]

You now need more green–about $2400 worth–to go green with the Nissan LEAF. Therefore Diana’s Dream Car Fund is now accepting donations! [WSJ]

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Ann Curry Missed Out On The Time Of My Life

…when she said no to a Dirty Dancing lift by our boyfriend, the Goz. Like, WHAT? WHY? And with those hawt pink come-hither heels on? Surely she didn’t MEAN to refuse. But she did. Maybe the temptation was too much. I know if I was in hawt pink come-hither heels with Ryan Gosling asking to lift me into the air–like Baby who nobody puts in a corner OMG OMG this is the stuff of my teenage DREAMS–I too would be scared of an overexcitement pee or embarrassing squeal. But not too scared to say YES.

Anyway, who took up the slack? Al Roker. Seriously.

Oh, I would give anything to be Al Roker!!! And wow, did I really just write that? Is this what the Goz DOES to me?!?!?!?!? Weird. Whatever. I love it.

[via Jezebel]

Thanks, Tina!

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This Should Put An End To The Trophy Wife Talk: Wendi Deng Murdoch Smacks Down Husband’s Attacker

After all these years posing as Rupert Murdoch’s young, hot trophy wife–even going so far as to bear Murdoch two daughters so the “marriage” seemed legitimate–Wendi Deng Murdoch totally blew her cover this morning and exposed her real role in Rupert’s life, as his own private stone face killa (that’s her in the pink jacket, keeping a foam-pie wielding attacker away from Rupert, who’s the bald head seated at the table in front of her):

Damn, y’all, damn.

If our government knows what’s good for them, they’re recruiting Wendi and Rupert’s two young daughters, ages 9 and 6, for some off-the-books black ops shit right now. Don’t be fooled by those pretty smiles–those baby teeth will cutchu good.

Meanwhile, check out the Many Scary Faces of Wendi Deng over at The Awl.

[All Things D: Rupert Murdoch, Wendi Deng and the PhoneGate Pie (Video)]

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Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman That Wants To Cut Your D*ck Off

DIANA: OMG, JEN. OMG. Did you hear about that jungle Asian lady in OC that chopped her estranged husband’s dick off and threw it in the garbage disposal? Er, allegedly?

JEN: Diana, everyone‘s heard about Catherine Kieu Becker! She’s the Dick Disposer!

DIANA: I thought of you, you know. As soon as I read the story, I thought of you.

JEN: Because I’ll cut your goddamn dick off if you fuck with me?

DIANA: Well, yeah.

JEN: That’s so sweet.

DIANA: YOU’RE so sweet, knife lady!

JEN: Aw, doll. You flatter me so.

DIANA: But I mean, she threw it down a GARBAGE DISPOSAL! Holy shit.

JEN: She meant business! “No dick-respect or anything…”

DIANA: They had to fish the pieces out and send ‘em to the hospital! I bet they were all gross and covered with hair and disposal gunk!

JEN: Maybe some onion peels and little bits of rice.

DIANA: EWW. Don’t you think that’s a little much?

JEN: Hard to say because I wasn’t there, but it’s certainly very thorough.

Continue reading Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman That Wants To Cut Your D*ck Off

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This Will Make You Want To Have Asian Babies, Too

So Tuesday’s supposedly the worst day of the weekand the worst moment of the worst day is 11:45 AM, which is exactly 5 minutes away at the time of this writing.

So without further ado, I give you this laughing, sleeping, can’t-make-up-her-mind-which-one-she’d-rather Korean baby to help you through the nadir of your week:

As the top YouTube comment for this put it: “This video makes me want to have asian babies.”

Yep.

[via HuffPo]

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Today Is The Day Of The Death Of Dreams

A little part of me died today when two things came to an end: the space shuttle program, and the NBA career of Yao Ming.

For a Chinese American girl who grew up in Houston, had a dad who worked for NASA, and who watched basketball religiously–I first developed a taste for the game at church camp, in fact, the summer of ’86, when a big-screen TV got rolled out after evening services so we could watch the NBA Finals, Rockets versus Celtics–today’s a day of mourning.

In my grief, I recognize a weird symmetry to both of these events happening on the same day. The space shuttle Atlantis takes final flight, Yao’s grounded by injuries to his feet and ankles. It’s a perfect, Greek symmetry: Atlantis sank into the ocean, Achilles had a heel.

As a physicist’s daughter, I suppose I should know that gravity always wins, but it’s easy to forget about the physics of things when you witness something happen in your lifetime that you’d wished for and dreamed of but never thought would come true.

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Did Tippi Hedren Invent The Vietnamese Nail Hegemony?

Okay, first: mitts off the phrase The Vietnamese Nail Hegemony because it’s going to be the name of my noise-rock band. Some day. But second, apparently actress Tippi Hedren (Hitchcock’s The Birds, Melanie Griffith’s mom) is responsible for The Vietnamese Nail Hegemony? As in, she’s the progenitor of Vietnamese dominance of the $6 billion dollar industry?

Take a look at this report from CNN:

Fascinating story, though a bit along the lines of Al Gore Inventing the Internet. But let’s say Tippi Hedren did invent The Vietnamese Nail Hegemony. Doesn’t that mean, according to the laws of physics, she’s also responsible for inadvertently inventing “The Vietnamese Nail Lady”?

Continue reading Did Tippi Hedren Invent The Vietnamese Nail Hegemony?

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We Can’t Get Dick Done In This Heat, But USA Today Has Found A Way

Y’all. Sorry for the lack of posts recently. It’s hot and we’re bothered, and I don’t mean that in a good way. The same can’t be said for USA Today, which posted this graphic last Friday:

Looks like the sun is about to blow himself, doesn’t it? And, you know, if that’s what it takes to lower temps around here, by all means.

[via @charlesapple]

Thanks, VMM!

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