DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Bobby “Birther” Jindal Proves He’s A US Citizen And A Gaping Asshole

May 13th, 2011 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Brown People, take note. In the future heretofore, you will be required to submit your birth certificate when seeking or holding public office in the United States of America. Only long-form birth certificates will be considered valid. In addition to providing the necessary documents when seeking public office, you will be required to submit your driver’s licenses when operating a motor vehicle, even lawfully (known colloquially as “Driving While Brown”), and two forms of identification when attempting to buy flat-screen TV’s larger than 48″, fireworks where the sale of fireworks is legal, Sudafed, short-haired cats, luxury aquariums, foreign-made cigarettes, and ice cream in gallon-sized tubs as opposed to pints.

Why, you ask, Brown People? Because you WANT so many things. You want the feeling of belonging in this country, the feeling that you aren’t alien or foreign, that you’re a native son and not some brother from another planet.

And everyone knows these are things that traditionally belong to White People.

Moving forward, Brown People, please take a page from the book of Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal. While Governor Jindal is, in fact, a Brown Person like you, he still recently supported legislation that casts suspicion on the belongingness of Brown People. Why, you ask, Brown People? Especially when it boomeranged back to Governor Jindal and cast suspicion on Jindal himself, resulting in the governor having to produce his own birth certificate to prove that he’s a citizen?

Because Bobby Jindal believes that being asked to produce your birth certificate to prove you’re a U.S. citizen when you hold public office and you are Brown isn’t racist.

Why, you ask? My goodness, you People have so many questions. If you ask any more, I’ll be forced to ask for your papers. Besides, I think the answer is very, very simple.

[HuffPo: Bobby Jindal Birth Certificate Released (PHOTO)]
[Reuters: Louisiana governor Jindal caught in birther flap]

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2 Responses to “DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Bobby “Birther” Jindal Proves He’s A US Citizen And A Gaping Asshole”

  1. karlk9 says:

    I liked this piece on Jindal, but I think my state has one upped Bobby’s “Sportsman’s Paradise State. I live in Florida, where since January 2010, our Republican dominated state legislature set new standards for drivers license renewal that ought to weed out “certain types,” who want white status without having to “earn it.”

    Since the new license renewal laws began last year, my friends and family have been receiving earlier than usual notices of new guidelines for driver’s license renewal. Now, all licensees who wish to renew must submit one birth certificate with an official state seal; one Social Security card or valid Passport; one official government letter that is addressed to the prospective licensee; one utility company bill addressed to the prospective licensee; and one valid drivers license.

    When the above five criteria are met, the re-licensee will get a new card with a small five pointed star near the top. All of course except women who have married names which are different from their names on their birth certificates. They must, in addition, submit an official wedding license.

    I don’t know if all the documentation has to be in English or not, but I’m sure that much of the required documentation will be quite difficult to come by for people who are color, or language challenged.

    No one I’ve talked to likes the new license law, and I sure as hell hate it, but I’m sure the Tea Party of Florida membership is more secure and sleeping better now that we can once again have that old, Nazi phrase: “Show me your papers…”

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