You are currently browsing the archives for May, 2011

Hines Ward Wins Dancing With The Stars (Called It!)

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEEEEEAAAHHH!!!!!!!



The man loves a trophy, dude. My man Hines Ward and the ridiculous hard body that is Kym Johnson have officially taken the top prize of the 12th season of Dancing With the Stars!

Yes, I watched. And yes, I voted–each week. The maximum five votes every time. AND IT ALL PAID OFF!

…now who owes me $50?

[via CBS News]
[ABC: Dancing With The Stars - Official Site]

Source
Thanks, Jasmine!

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ROCK OF ASIAN: “I Got My” Cameo In A Hot Azz Music Video

Do you love yourself some Home:Word, the collabo album that Bay Area hip-hop duo Magnetic North and the hotness Taiyo Na released last year?

Then check this! That crew teamed up with fire-tongued superMC Jin to create a celebratory track, just in time for 2011′s API Heritage month. It’s called “I Got My,” and according to MN’s Derek Kan, the song is essentially about “embracing who you are and what you got… fam, music, arts, community, love.  It’s for anyone and everyone who respects themselves and is doing something positive with their life.”

Adorably, to honor API Heritage month, the artists have chosen to highlight the gobs of AZN-American peeps they’ve met throughout their musical journey by inviting them into the single’s music video. It’s all our favorite people, from Beau Sia to Wong Fu Productions to Curtis Chin to this-list-of-favorite-people-cameos-is-so-long-we-can’t-list-them-all. They even asked us! But whatever, forget about us! THEY GOT YURI KOCHIYAMA to lip sync hip hop tongue twistaz! WHAT!?!

Check it, love it, love your peeps:

Continue reading ROCK OF ASIAN: “I Got My” Cameo In A Hot Azz Music Video

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Two Arguments In Favor Of Hardass Asian Parenting

Hey look! It’s the mini-me versions of us…

…if we’d been raised in some fucked-up alternate universe where there are no rules, grades, or words like “unacceptable,” “disown,” and “failure”; no forced violin and piano lessons; no math workbooks during summer vacation; no aspirations for NASA or the Nobel; no Hardass Asian Dads forbidding hot pants, high-heeled boots, and hooker poses; no Hardass Asian Moms screaming at us about looking cheap, about how “low-class” tanning is and how make-up prematurely ages your skin not to mention how all this correlates–somehow, don’t ask–with poorer test scores, lower income, and an overall decrease in college, marriage, and life prospects, really.

[via I Hate My Parents]

Thanks, Jasmine!

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“Don’t Mess With America” Does Roll Off The Tongue

Last week on Sean Hannity’s show, Newt Gingrich made an exciting campaign promise:

“I know how to get the whole country to resemble Texas.”

Which is an interesting idea, to say the least. After all, there are lots of things I love that are from Texas:

  1. Jen
  2. Jen’s parents
  3. Dr. Pepper
  4. BBQ sauce
  5. The Black Angels, Spoon, Toadies, Butthole Surfers, Buck Owens
  6. Frito pie
  7. The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders (Why not?)
  8. The NASA Johnson Space Center
  9. The “Don’t Mess With Texas” Campaign
  10. “kay-so”

But unless we’re talking about a nation made up of millions of chicly-dressed, too-smart blogger friends and their lovely Hardass Asian Parents, swilling Dr. P while dousing Frito pie with kay-so and some BBQ sauce, blasting The Black Angels on eleven, picking up litter, all the while doing high kicks in white short-shorts in celebration of a new NASA mission… I’m not sure I’m ready for a whole country run like The Lone Star state. And I have a feeling that Newt isn’t really promising what I listed (except maybe the short-shorts).

But let us not discount the achievements of Texas. After all, thanks to its stellar governance, Texas has become nationally ranked in multiple areas that concern public life, education, and health.

According to PFAW’s Right Wing Watch blog, Texas ranks:

50th in percentage of population without health insurance (2010)
50th in percentage of children insured (2009)
50th in percentage of women receiving early prenatal care (2010)
45th in rate of infectious diseases (2010)
44th in percentage of children in poverty (2010)
42nd in per capita health care funding (2010)
40th in overall health (2010)
36th in high school graduation rate (2010)
35th in crime (2010)
35th in percentage of children immunized (2010)
34th in rate of occupational fatalities (2010)
30th in percentage of people with college degree (2008)

Texas also ranks: Continue reading “Don’t Mess With America” Does Roll Off The Tongue

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Marshall Zhang, The Kid That May Have Cured Cystic Fibrosis

Name: Marshall Zhang

Age: 16

Hails from: Toronto, Canada

Occupation: Student, as in, um, HIGH SCHOOL student

Known for: Possibly discovering a cure for Cystic Fibrosis–or at least laying the groundwork for a breakthrough.

Lemme ‘splain how this went down. Okay, so like me, Marshall Zhang took AP Bio his sophomore year and thought it totally badass.

Alas, this is where our paths diverge: My junior year (it was awhile ago but I still remember quite clearly) I enrolled in Physics and AP Chem, quickly realized I have no place in the elegant world of natural sciences, dropped AP Chem, doodled my way to a B+ in Physics, decided to begin compiling a bitchin’ record collection, declared that “music is my science,” you can figure out the rest.

Zhang decided he needed more than school could offer and asked every professor listed as biochemistry faculty at the University of Toronto if he could work in their labs. Every one said no, except for Dr. Christine Bear, a researcher at the Hospital for Sick Children’s Research Institute in Toronto. Under the tutelage of his mentor, Zhang was able to do advanced research regarding treatment for the incurable Cystic Fibrosis.

From LiveScience: Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Marshall Zhang, The Kid That May Have Cured Cystic Fibrosis

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A Picture Could Tell A Thousand Words [Our Hangover 2 Ticket Giveaway]

We are giving away 2 pairs of tickets to a very special L.A. screening of Hangover 2 next Tuesday, May 24th! The event is sponsored by our dear friends at Audrey Magazine and KoreAm Journal, and includes and afterparty with celebs, booze and grub!

HOW TO WIN:

Email your best hangover story (2,000 words or less) AND/OR photo (double points for including both!) to info@disgrasian.com by 9pm EST on May 19. A super secret panel will decide the victors, and both winners will be announced on May 20.

EVENT INFO:

Continue reading A Picture Could Tell A Thousand Words [Our Hangover 2 Ticket Giveaway]

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Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian

Admit it, you can’t help but find Baguette Bardot’s french bread arms just a little bit hot… [BuzzFeed]

Molly Wei is cooperating with the prosecutors who charged her and former schoolmate Dharun Riva with a hate crime after the suicide of Rutgers student Tyler Clementi. Tyler’s parents approve of the plea deal. [NYDNthanks, Jen!]

Go Granny! If you’ve been wondering where the spirit of the dearly departed Michael Jackson resides, look no further than 65 year old Bai Shuying. [BWE]

WHAT? A naughty hedge fund manager? Sri Lanka native Raj Rajaratnam, co-founder of the Galleon Group hedge fund, will serve up to  25 years after being found guilty of securities fraud and conspiracy. [NYT]

Toyota profits are down 77% in the first quarter of 2011, a period which includes the devastating earthquake that hit Japan in March. Toyota expects to be back at full production capacity by the end of the year. [The Atlantic]

“Tiger Mom” Amy Chua has some thoughts on how to change education in the United States. Say goodbye, recess! [USA Todaythanks, Jen!]

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Bobby “Birther” Jindal Proves He’s A US Citizen And A Gaping Asshole

Brown People, take note. In the future heretofore, you will be required to submit your birth certificate when seeking or holding public office in the United States of America. Only long-form birth certificates will be considered valid. In addition to providing the necessary documents when seeking public office, you will be required to submit your driver’s licenses when operating a motor vehicle, even lawfully (known colloquially as “Driving While Brown”), and two forms of identification when attempting to buy flat-screen TV’s larger than 48″, fireworks where the sale of fireworks is legal, Sudafed, short-haired cats, luxury aquariums, foreign-made cigarettes, and ice cream in gallon-sized tubs as opposed to pints.

Why, you ask, Brown People? Because you WANT so many things. You want the feeling of belonging in this country, the feeling that you aren’t alien or foreign, that you’re a native son and not some brother from another planet.

And everyone knows these are things that traditionally belong to White People.

Moving forward, Brown People, please take a page from the book of Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal. While Governor Jindal is, in fact, a Brown Person like you, he still recently supported legislation that casts suspicion on the belongingness of Brown People. Why, you ask, Brown People? Especially when it boomeranged back to Governor Jindal and cast suspicion on Jindal himself, resulting in the governor having to produce his own birth certificate to prove that he’s a citizen?

Because Bobby Jindal believes that being asked to produce your birth certificate to prove you’re a U.S. citizen when you hold public office and you are Brown isn’t racist.

Why, you ask? My goodness, you People have so many questions. If you ask any more, I’ll be forced to ask for your papers. Besides, I think the answer is very, very simple.

[HuffPo: Bobby Jindal Birth Certificate Released (PHOTO)]
[Reuters: Louisiana governor Jindal caught in birther flap]

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Dan Adler Is The Key-Raziest Congressional Candidate The World Has Ever Seen

What you’re about to see is real. Dan Adler is not a troll. Dan Adler is a Democratic candidate running for a seat in California’s 36th congressional district. Apropos of nothing, Dan Adler’s wife is Korean.

This message was not paid for by Dan Adler for Congress.

So, apparently when you have a hobbit running your congressional campaign, magical things happen.

“WHASSA MENSCH”?!

Gosh, I’m glad you asked, Korean Immigrant Dry Cleaning Lady With Issues! You see, a mensch is a stand-up guy, a person of great integrity. Kinda like a hobbit with less hairy feet.

Oh, and also: a mensch is someone who “gets shit done.” Just ask any Old White Weight Lifting Lady Surrounded by Brown Men in Banana Hammocks!

Continue reading Dan Adler Is The Key-Raziest Congressional Candidate The World Has Ever Seen

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Later, Lakers

Today, the great Phil Jackson announced that he has completed his final season at the helm of the Lakers. In a press conference held so that the man who has won 2 NBA championships as a player and 11 as a coach could properly bid farewell to LA fakers fans, he talked about pursuing adventures outside the NBA:

“That’s always something to get over. But one of the things I watch in my days with my coaches was there was a point, and I’m about at that point, where you either move on or stay in it, you never break away from it and it becomes the rest of your life. I always kind of thought that I’d like to do something beyond just the basketball coaching.”

For those of you how don’t speak bball, I offer you this translasian:

“I am so EFFIN SICK of sneaker squeak and 7-foot-tall children and buzzers and fluorescent lights. I’m tall. I’m rich. I rule. Time to kick it in Lake Cuomo with Clooney, know what I mean?”

He also talked briefly about his less-than-ideal swan song with the team, a second-round shutout by the Dallas Mavs:

“I’m always relieved when a season’s over,” he said. “This team just had an ability to get in a funk and not be able to resurge and find a common thread and turn things around. I never really had a team like that that couldn’t make adjustments and learn from mistakes.”

TRANSLASIAN:

“We got SWEPT by DALLAS, dude. WT fuckin F! I can’t deal with these dicks or this kind of shame ever again.”

[ESPN: No plans to return for Phil Jackson]

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Twitter Convo With My New Favorite Person, Sophia Chua-Rubenfeld, aka Number One Tiger Cub

So, in addition to sending my mom “tired” flowers on Mother’s Day, I took to Twitter to see how everyone else’s Mother’s Day was going. Naturally, my mind drifted to the world’s most famous mom du jour, Tiger Mom, and her daughters, and what sort of Mother’s Day present you give to a woman who might throw it back in your face and say, “I reject this.”

Soon, I received an answer.

STRAIGHT FROM THE TIGER CUB’S MOUTH.

RAWR!

Of course I demanded pics. Sophia, who is Amy Chua’s older daughter, then directed me to New Tiger in Town–a blog about her life and her family, in her own words–and a funny Mother’s Day post she wrote containing the photo evidence I was seeking:

Continue reading Twitter Convo With My New Favorite Person, Sophia Chua-Rubenfeld, aka Number One Tiger Cub

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A Hardass Asian Mother’s Day Isn’t Quite Like Other Mother’s Days

I got my mom a nice flower arrangement for Mother’s Day this year, but I didn’t get it together until the last minute, so I paid through the nose for it. I didn’t FTD that shit either–not that I’m judging if you did–because, to me, their arrangements all look like hospital flowers. (Also, I am stupid and like doing things the hard way.) So I found a florist in a fancy schmancy part of Houston who 1) actually picked up the phone late Saturday and 2) would deliver to where my parents live in the middle of nowhere. I also specified that peonies be in the arrangement, because roses are so boring. The delivery to BFN was almost half the cost of the arrangement, and they charged me extra for the peonies, because non-boring flowers don’t come cheap, apparently. Like I said, I like doing things the hard way.

But who cares? It was Mother’s Day. And I love my mama, and she loves flowers.

The Mother's Day Bouquet I Sent: Are those ROSES I see in my GD peony arrangement?

And sure enough, when she received them, she immediately sent me an email to let me know how much she liked them. The subject heading was “Flower of Love” (cue the Huey Lewis song if you’re old like me):

She got them on time! And they were beautiful! And I was thrilled that my mother could feel loved and celebrated without a worry in the world on her special day, which is how all mothers should feel on Mother’s Day.

But clearly, I underestimated my Hardass Asian Mom. Here’s what followed in her email:

Continue reading A Hardass Asian Mother’s Day Isn’t Quite Like Other Mother’s Days

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