So, there’s this Facebook app called “Asianate Yourself,” where you can make yourself Asian, which some people find offensive, especially since the app was created by a Hong Kong-based soy sauce company that should know better, but as people who came into this world already “Asianated,” can we just say that we totally get it?
I mean, if people wanna be us, I can’t blame them. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, right?
That said, the Asianate app sucks balls. For one thing, there’s nothing “Urban Asian” about sumo. Actually I have to admit that I don’t even know what “Urban Asian” means. Is that, like, as opposed to “Jungle Asian,” like Diana (yes, I know this is a slur but Diana’s owning it so maybe you should too)? Or is “Urban” the roundabout way of saying “Morbidly Obese” when applied to Asians, the way it’s the roundabout way of saying “Black” when applied to African-Americans?
And that’s the other thing. Why would you Asianate yourself right into Body Dysmorphic Disorder? Asianated people can’t deal with that shit. None of our Asianated aunties–who’d be the first to tell us at our family reunions we’ve gotten fat–would approve.
What they would approve of, however, is Asianating yourself into…
Our boyfriend Daniel Dae Kim!
Or our friend Joz’s hot cousin, model Daniel Liu!
Or our other boyfriend, Daniel Henney!
Coincidentally, all of these dudes are named Daniel. Hmm. Maybe it’s not about Asianating yourself after all, but Danielizing yourself instead?
We may be onto something, since it seems the Asianate Yourself app has disappeared in the last day.
Thanks, Shayera and Victor!
And much gratitude to Tina for the bang-up photoshop!
Filed under: Advertising, Amoy Asianate Yourself Facebook App, Amoy Food Limited, Asianasian, Asianate Yourself Facebook App, Asianation, Bad Advertising, Bad Marketing Campaigns, Be Like Us, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Daniel Dae Kim, Daniel Henney, Daniel Liu, DDK, Disgrasian Social Media, Disgrasian Technology, Facebook Apps, Hot Asian Men, Racial Drag, Sumo Wrestlers, Sumo Wrestling
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