DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Even Ninjas Have Bieber Fever

February 14th, 2011 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Everyone knows Justin Bieber has a badass bodyguard who’ll fuck you up if you try to harm a hair on the Biebs’ $750 coiffure. Which explains why the various Bieber-hater clans of the Internet resorted to hiring ninjas to infiltrate last night’s Grammys and destroy him.

The mercenaries came to the totally culturally irrelevant awards ceremony armed with throwing stars, poison darts, and their cloaks of invisibility to carry out their mission (and possibly catch a glimpse of Gaga getting hatched from an egg before, a sight not even ninjas get to see every day). But not long after the chorus to Bieber’s hit “Never Say Never” kicked in with “and there’s just no turning back/when your heart’s under attack,” the ninjas hired to kill the 16 year-old pop sensation realized that that was exactly what was happening to them.

Their cold ninja hearts were under attack, besieged with fever…Bieber Fever.

I could fall on him and snap his neck with my bare hands and no one would ever know what happened. But he's just so goddern adorbs! <333

Why are my killing arms moving in such a strange fashion? And why does it feel so effing good?

I was supposed to blow a poison dart into the back of his neck. Then I saw his face...now I'm a Belieber! LOL

And when the Karate Kid showed up, any remaining hope that the ninjas might actually carry out their original mission was forever dashed.

Oh shit, it's the Karate Kid! Not even ninjas are impervious to those leopard pants!

Bieber Fans, meanwhile, proved to be quite a bit more mercenary than the would-be killer ninjas, attacking rival nominee Esperanza Spalding’s Wikipedia page when the multiracial singer beat out Bieber for the Best New Artist Grammy.

So, yeah, basically that means Bieber fans are more dangerous than ninjas.

I repeat: More dangerous. Than ninjas. You heard it here first. Never say I never warned you.

[photos via]
[MSNBC.com: Bieber fans go on Grammy-fueled Wikipedia rampage]

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3 Responses to “DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Even Ninjas Have Bieber Fever”

  1. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by DISGRASIAN™, Ricky. Ricky said: RT @disgrasian: DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Even Ninjas Have Bieber Fever http://dlvr.it/GbP61 [...]

  2. PoweredByRice says:

    C’mon, give Bieber a break. What 16 yr old boy doesn’t like NINJAS?? Heck, I half expected an Xbox console to jump onto the stage followed by a couple of Star Wars clone troopers.

  3. johnminh says:

    I’m going to recycle my comment from the previous post and say “I think I see his camel toe in the second pic.” :p

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