Everyone knows Justin Bieber has a badass bodyguard who’ll fuck you up if you try to harm a hair on the Biebs’ $750 coiffure. Which explains why the various Bieber-hater clans of the Internet resorted to hiring ninjas to infiltrate last night’s Grammys and destroy him.
The mercenaries came to the totally culturally irrelevant awards ceremony armed with throwing stars, poison darts, and their cloaks of invisibility to carry out their mission (and possibly catch a glimpse of Gaga getting hatched from an egg before, a sight not even ninjas get to see every day). But not long after the chorus to Bieber’s hit “Never Say Never” kicked in with “and there’s just no turning back/when your heart’s under attack,” the ninjas hired to kill the 16 year-old pop sensation realized that that was exactly what was happening to them.
Their cold ninja hearts were under attack, besieged with fever…Bieber Fever.
And when the Karate Kid showed up, any remaining hope that the ninjas might actually carry out their original mission was forever dashed.
Bieber Fans, meanwhile, proved to be quite a bit more mercenary than the would-be killer ninjas, attacking rival nominee Esperanza Spalding’s Wikipedia page when the multiracial singer beat out Bieber for the Best New Artist Grammy.
So, yeah, basically that means Bieber fans are more dangerous than ninjas.
I repeat: More dangerous. Than ninjas. You heard it here first. Never say I never warned you.
Filed under: Beliebers, Bieber, Bieber Fans Attack Esperanza Spalding's Wikipedia, Bieber Fans More Deadly Than Ninjas, Bieber Haters, Canadians, Crazy Bieber Fans, Esperanza Spalding, Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber Ninja Backup Dancers, Lady Gaga Hatches From an Egg, Mercenaries, Ninjas, Ninjas Have Bieber Fever, Teen Pop Sensations, the Biebs, The Grammys, Usher, Who the Fuck Says Who the Heck Anyway?
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