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Jesus Wears Asics?


The 2011 Tokyo Marathon went down yesterday, with about 36,000 runners plodding through to the bitter end of the annual 42K trek.

I actually happen to be fascinated by marathon runners, because I totally hate running and can’t imagine ever training for/completing such a long race. In high school, I was a varsity Track and Field captain and a painfully mediocre cross-country competitor. In bursts throughout college, I would strap on my Sauconys, stretch, do drills, stagger my distances, try not to overpronate, warm down, and attempt to “train” solo. When I first started working in my early twenties, I would (less and less frequently) run in the early evenings to balance out the liver damage slated for the late evenings, burning my lungs with a peppy stride just hours before I would burn them with bummed Parliament Lights. But one day, I realized something: Running sucks. It totally sucks. It’s long, it’s hard, it’s exhausting, and I’m pretty sure I always get made fun of when I’m running on the street (because I’m slow). No more for me. No more.

Despite my personal revelations, I still love marathons. I particularly love the people that run ‘em in costume, because it gives me the impression that they, like, I, think running kind of sucks and needs to be dressed up (if you will) with, say, a moose outfit:

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New Girl Crush: Academy Award Winner Audrey Marrs

'Inside Job' director Charles Ferguson and producer Audrey Marrs

10 reasons to love Inside Job producer and Academy Award winner Audrey Marrs:

  1. The first documentary she ever produced, No End in Sight, was nominated for an Academy Award.
  2. The second documentary she ever produced, Inside Job, won an Academy Award last night.
  3. Before she was a documentary producer, she was an art curator.
  4. Before she was a curator, she was a riot grrrl who played in Mocket and later Continue reading New Girl Crush: Academy Award Winner Audrey Marrs

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10 Reasons You Should Attend Banana 2 Tomorrow

1. Because that list of “brilliant, insightful comments” you plan to write one day on 20 of 8Asians’ archived posts ain’t gettin’ any shorter.

2. Panel discussions are actually really, really, really fun. It’s like being in a college humanities class without having to pay tuition, meet with your TA, or do homework.

3. Because in person, Angry Asian Man isn’t all that angry.

4. Because bloggers are typically way better-looking in real life than the pasty, computer-necked trolls we often imagine them to be.

5. Community man, community.

6. Because it’s about time somebody give host/memoirist Lac Su a hug and an “I Love You.”

7. Because, all jokes aside, there are so many AMAZIANS slated to speak at this event, it’s not even funny. Want to have an extensive, insightful, modern, diverse, REAL dialog about the shifts and challenges facing the AAPI universe? Now’s your chance.

8. You, too, can get tips on starting your own blog! And then we’ll be like, kindred spirits.

9. Gil Asakawa can really party like a champ. Don’t let him tell you otherwise.

10. We hear there’s free booze. OKAY, we haven’t heard that, but we’re sure no one would frown upon a classily-sipped classy flask. Not if there are any ragians in the house!

***

Want more clarificasian on what the fuzz Banana 2 is? Joz Wang has done a kickass job of laying it all out at jozjozjoz.

Continue reading 10 Reasons You Should Attend Banana 2 Tomorrow

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Steve Jobs


Happy birthday, Steve Jobs! You’re 56 today, and we truly hope that the efforts to get you healthy again are fruitful. Our thoughts are with you.

After all, where would we be without you?

Without Macs, Jen and I wouldn’t have a nearly 4-year old blog together. Have you ever tried blogging? It’s very often thankless, exhausting, insecurity-inducing, frustrating, time-consuming, tedious, mind-imploding. Try adding a PC into that mix. All that shit multiplies exponentially.

Without iPhones, Jen and I would never have exchanged a single text. Before she got an iPhone, she lived off a landline, and never picked up her cell phone because it “wasn’t charged.” When she was iPhoneless, I was never able to text her–as I always do now–that I was running 5/10/15/45 minutes late for lunch. And she would get mad. So mad. Enough years of that nonsense, and our friendship would never have lasted long enough to add a web project, y’dig?

Without iTunes, it would have been impossible to blow out the epic parties Jen and I have thrown together. It would also have made pot brownies way less fun. And no-pants dance parties would have just been dull hangouts in leotards.

Without the iPad, I would not have a super low-profile cover for my deep, dark addiction to Harlequin romance novel eBooks. I read and read and read about thrusting and Continue reading BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Steve Jobs

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ROCK OF ASIAN: Onra

Reasons why French beatmaker Onra is my obsession:

  • SPEX (obvs)
  • Hot-ass variety beats
  • Lickable likeable French accent
  • Chinoiseries (rel. 2007), the widely-lauded, smooth-souled, crackly, interpretation of 30 old Chinese and Vietnamese vinyl albums he lugged home to Paris from a trip to Vietnam
  • Dead sexy, head to toe. Even his fingers are sexy. I want to [blank] them.
  • Latest full-length: Long Distance (rel. 2010), which can best be described fun, funky, funky, funky, flirty, fresh
  • Forthcoming Chinoiseries Pt. 2
  • Occasional beard
  • merveilleuse vie paresseuse
  • Given name: Arnaud (say it aloud, reverse it; you’ve got his stage name)
  • Half-Vietnamese, half-French, he is the human equivalent of my two favorite comestibles: cà phê sữa đá and bánh mì
  • Love of cigarettes, basketball, vinyl rekkids, computers, joints
  • Inclination and ability to sample and build albums with respect to the source material’s societal context, while avoiding the pitfalls of politicizing his tuneage. Always, the music remains deeply, easily individual. Howdoyoosay, “Onra tracks are like a travel diary, joining the artist in a lighthearted pursuit for cultural and personal identity?”

[MySpace: Onra]

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Thanks, Alex!

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BABEWATCH [Fashion Week Edition]: Alexander Wang’s Amazian Jr. Niece

Last week, I caught up with the goings-on of NY fashion week almost entirely through the musings of our pals The Fug Girls for NY Mag, who thankfully survived a 20-minute fashionista pileup at the Erin Fetherston show, multiple uses of those hideous Port-a-Johns in Lincoln Center, and about a zillion (which is probably a zillion too many) sightings of the newly-single Vanessa Hudgens:

Is this leather? Or pleather? Whateather; I hate it!

But aside from The Fug Girls’ fun anecdotes, stories about this annual fashion clusterfuck tend to just annoy and/or confuse me. Maybe I’m grouchy because I need a new bag. And some new booties. And a new brown pleather minidress. And I’m suffering from a raging case of lady hormones. And I’m freezing my arse off (LA’s in the 50s right now–but it feels like 37 degrees in my house), so looking at a bunch of skinny people with bare legs instead of winter coats in February in cold-ass New York just makes me feel COLDER.

Now London is celebrating its own Fashion Week, and I can’t seem to deal with it either. My fingers are freezing just as I type the word “fashion.” Is that why I can’t look at these pictures of you outside the Burberry show, Gemma Chang? Whoever you are? Who are you?

Continue reading BABEWATCH [Fashion Week Edition]: Alexander Wang’s Amazian Jr. Niece

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Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian


People, can we please stop using the phrase “Asian Invasion” to describe the new Renaissance of Asian fashion designers? KTHXBAI. [CNN]

A belated happy birthday to our favorite North Korean dick-tator, Kim Jong-Il, who just celebrated his 69th in typical lavish fashion. One party foul, though: no food rations. [NYM]

Manny Pacquiao was just in Washington D.C., where he met President Obama for a photo-op. Afterwards, we hear he knocked Vice President Biden out big-time in a thumbwrestling match. [NYT]

Check yo’ rage… and yo’ bank balance! Brokeass Chicago college students Sung Wong Chung and Alexander Choi violently attack a cab driver after their credit card bounces. [Chicago Breaking News - thanks, Diana L.!]

Ahh, the soothing sensation of a good earwax scrape. Tokyo ear-cleaning parlors take off. [CNN]

Continue reading Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Lisa Lee And Lynn Chen’s “Thick Dumpling Skin”

In all of my three decades of life, I have never once been skinny.

Now–before you get all up in my grill with the, “Ohmygawd Diana, you’re NOT fat” words of soothing or the “You bitch, don’t talk to me about not being skinny” words of annoyance, please know that I’m not fishing for compliments, nor complaining about my size, nor stating I’ve never been a healthy, normal weight. I’m just saying, I’ve never been skinny.

But Asian girls are supposed to be skinny, right?

That’s like, the Asian girl thing: “Oh gosh, I just eat and eat and eat but I can’t gain any weight.” And “Urggg–they ran out of size zeros.” And “I was the skinniest person on my softball team in high school and I always hated it.” And “I can’t believe it, Yennie and I both hit three-digit weights over the holidays and we almost died!” Slight frames and narrow shoulders and bony hips and knobby knees and protruding ribs and flat asses and tiny breasts and slender thighs and stick arms. It’s our answer to the world’s Amazon legs and blonde waves and sexy curves. We’re skinny, betches.

Well, some of us.

Are we all meant to look like this?

Then there are the rest of us. We are sized 4, 6, 8, 14, 20. Medium and XXL. We do not eat whatever we want. Our clothes don’t “hang” on us. We cannot fathom wearing thigh-high boots. We have learned to like Diet Coke. We see photos of ourselves at weddings and realize that our arms are the same size as our cousins’ legs. We do not get lifted whimsically in the air by men. We have never liked our knees. We walk into an Asian supermall and watch them shake their heads–Your size we do not carry. We have Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Lisa Lee And Lynn Chen’s “Thick Dumpling Skin”

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If You Aren’t Going To Be An NBA Champ This Year, You May As Well Throw A Sweet Party

What are we all doin’ tomorrow night? A little birdie tells me that Kobe’s having a par-tay!

And it sure ain’t to celebrate his Lakers’ mortifying loss on Wednesday to the Cleveland Cavs.

Rather, tomorrow the 5-time NBA champ, 2-time NBA Finals MVP, Olympic Gold Medalist and DISGRASIAN Hall-of-Shamer will receive an honor that no other athlete has ever received: cement prints in front of Hollywood’s Grauman’s Chinese Theater.

And before you any of you start grossing me out by wondering aloud how big those hand and footprints are (seriously, BLEGH) please allow me to direct our attention back to the far more important headline: THERE’S GONNA BE A RAGER! You too can attend, if you have $350 to $4,000 to spend on an evening in sorta-proximity to basketball’s most talented douchetool.

According to TMZ, this over-the-top, “Asian-themed” bash is not one to miss.

The party is supposed to be INSANE — with organizers dropping roughly $50,000 to give Boulevard 3 nightclub an Asian-themed makeover in honor of Kobe enshrining his hands and feet at Grauman’s Chinese Theater earlier that day. … including a 15-foot custom made dragon.

A CUSTOM MADE DRAGON! Pish. If we had 50 Gs to spend on an “Asian theme,” you bet your ass we wouldn’t party without:

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We Knew It: South Koreans Are Pro Ragers

The Economist has released a color-coded map charting the findings of a new report (based on data collected from 2003-2005) issued this week by the World Health Organization, which compares the relative alcohol consumption of people over the age of 15 across the globe. The biggest boozers (averaging more than 12.5 liters of pure alcohol, per person, during the study period) are denoted in red. (Click here to see the complete profile of each country):





As you can see, Europeans really take the rum cake. According to this booze map, those Euros are literally BLEEDING ALCOHOL. Australia and Argentina kinda look like awfully great places to have some good ol’ drunk sex. North Americans make a fairly decent showing with just a blush of pink drink. And the Middle East is, unsurprisingly, clean as a whistle. Then there’s Asia…

Hey, wait a minute, what’s that little bright-red blemish on the edge of Asia?

Why, it’s THE REPUBLIC OF KOREA!

Dude. YES. We knew those mofos could party!!!!! Let us all raise a Hite to them!





[Ed. note--Right now, 48 million South Koreans are shaking their heads and muttering, "novices."]

[via The Atlantic]
[The Economist: Daily Chart - Global Alcohol Consumption - Drinking Habits]
[WHO: Global Status Report On Alcohol And Health 2011]

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Thanks, David!

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ROCK OF ASIAN: Burly-esque

Okay, who is this Amazian Jr.–a squooshy-cheeked boy lip syncing for his life to Christina Aguilera’s Burlesque track, “Express”–and how can Jen and I recruit him as our mascot?





He may not know all the words to the song. He may not have legs long enough to drape over the top of a chair back. And I can’t say that, watching him go, I didn’t worry that his cute little sequined bum was about to land hard on the floor during most of this routine.

But let us keep our criticisms to ourselves, fellow Hardass Asians! Baby is FIERCE. And he owns a DRESS WITH BOSOM HANDPRINTS on it. A DRESS WITH BOSOM HANDPRINTS. This young buck has more nerve than I ever had at his age–likely  more then I ever will have at any age.

And dear, sweet heaven, he can whip his neck like nobody’s business.

[via Buzzfeed]

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BABEWATCH: The Hawt Hapa Ladies Of Sports Illustrated’s 2011 Swimsuit Issue

The annual Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is here! Which means, for all of you single hetero dudes out there, Valentine’s Day is today. And pretty much every day hereafter, considering there are 17 models in the issue, and about 40 pictures of each of them in the online edition, which, if you mete out your intake of it, should last you through the apocalypse of 2012, and then some.

The 2011 Swimsuit Issue features two hapa hotties (ha-tties?): Jessica Gomes, an Australian native of Portuguese and Chinese descent, and Chrissy Teigen, a Utahan who’s Thai and Norwegian.

Jessica Gomes in a photo taken by Warwick Saint

Continue reading BABEWATCH: The Hawt Hapa Ladies Of Sports Illustrated’s 2011 Swimsuit Issue

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