By the grace of the football gods, my Steelers are currently 5-2 and holding strong in the AFC North –despite kicking off the season with four games sans their starting quarterback/resident douchebag. Last week was particularly painful–the boys (with douchebag) lost a great contest after a gritty fight with the awesome and beloved NOLA Saints.
As usual, I grumbled at the idiot calling plays and getting sacked on the field. Always the Hardass Asian Steelerfan: “Roethlisberger, you tool, move that ball! Why can’t you be more like Drew Brees? Look at your brothers Hines Ward and Mewelde Moore Troy Polamalu and James Farrior. They work so much harder than you. So much smarter!”
I was ultimately surprised to read that safety Troy “ol’ reliable” Polamalu placed the blame for the Saints loss squarely on his own broad, Samoan-American shoulders. To the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, he said:
“I think there are times in games where there were a lot of opportunities to make plays, and I didn’t make them,” he told the Tribune-Review. “It doesn’t have anything to do with anything physical with me, and maybe I’m second-guessing myself a little too much. But, other than that, we’re 5-2.”
Teammate Ryan Clark told the newspaper that Polamalu felt that he let the team down, which makes sense considering Polamalu’s addiction to perfection (the only addiction that is, by the way, so fucking ASIAN). But is my favorite safety really to blame for a loss against the NFL’s defending champions? Nah!
Still, I doubt anyone could convince Polamalu he’s wrong unless they’re married to him. I wouldn’t try. So my suggestion for redemption is simple: perfectly pound the Bengals tonight on Monday Night Football. Nothing says “I won’t fail again” like kicking kitty ass and taking names.
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