TOM CRUISE: Watch my movie!
DUDE ON THE LEFT WITH THE LUSCIOUS LOCKS: Hey Tom, what’s up bro? Can you sign something for my lady?
TOM CRUISE: You look good to me.
DUDE ON THE LEFT WITH THE LUSCIOUS LOCKS: You could sign whatever, man. Maybe her shirt? We didn’t bring anything.
TOM CRUISE: Hmm… I wonder what Suri’s wearing today? Hopefully that cute, cute, cute little Burberry dress I presented to her in a box tied with a ribbon before I left. I just love her so much. She’s totally my favorite of all my kids.
GUY ON THE FAR LEFT WITH HIS EYES CLOSED: Is Tom Cruise here? I can’t see anything!
TOM CRUISE: That Cameron Diaz, what a tall drink of water. Where is she standing?
GUY ON THE FAR LEFT WITH HIS EYES CLOSED: I can’t see her either!
TOM CRUISE: Did any of you happen to see The Last Samurai?
MAN ON RIGHT: I did. Not the most accur–
TOM CRUISE: I am so in love with my wife, Kate! If I wasn’t here at this premiere, I would be ordering a dozen cupcakes to send to her while she’s shopping at Barney’s.
CHILD BEING HELD BY MAN ON RIGHT: I hate it here, Daddy! Can we GO?
MAN ON RIGHT: But honey, Tom Cruise is a big movie star.
CHILD BEING HELD BY MAN ON RIGHT: He doesn’t look very big!
CUTE GIRL WITH PIGTAILS AND MESSY BANGS: Pff, you have no idea. He looks relatively HUGE here. Wait for him to go stand by Diaz.
TOM CRUISE: They love me here.
GAL IN ZEBRA-PRINT TOP: ZOMG, is he wearing Ziggy Stardust platforms?
GAL IN TAN TOP: They’re definitely boots.
TOM CRUISE: Man boots.
GAL IN TAN TOP: Of course man boots. I would never–
GAL IN ZEBRA-PRINT TOP: Yes she would.
TOM CRUISE: Did you ladies see the movie?
GALS (in unison): We sure will!
TOM CRUISE: If you do, I’ll send you guys cupcakes!
GALS: You’re the best, Tom! You look really, really tall today!
TOM CRUISE: Thanks ladies. Now let’s get photographed.
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