Oh Bruno, Bruno, Bru-noooooooooo.
AMAZIAN STATUS REVOKED!
But Jen, you say, who doesn’t love a little bumpity-bump now and then, a little Frosty the Snowman and Christmas come early? What, you don’t like to party? And I say, Sure, if you like diarrhea of the mouth, a limp dick, and the persistent feeling that there’s a crusty booger hanging out your nose that you can’t quite get to all night, have your fun, man.
But here’s the problem: Before you become a rock star cliche, you gotta become a rock star. Getting caught with coke is so third act of your career, not the first. No one knows who the fuck you are yet. You didn’t win a VMA. And your debut solo record is still a week away from dropping. Even Paris Hilton released a full-length album before she got busted with drugs twenty times in one month. And that album actually and astonishingly got to #4 on the Canadian albums chart (wow), #6 in Sweden and the U.S., #8 in Japan, #11 in Greece, and #17 in Finland, land of premium vodka and quality music appreciation!
Top that at the very least–#40 in Hungary!–and we’ll talk.
Thanks, Jasmine and Eric!
Filed under: Bruno Mars, Bruno Mars Cocaine Bust, Bruno Mars Las Vegas Cocaine Bust, Clichés, Coke, Coke Whores, Drugs, Former Amazians, Paris Hilton, Peter Hernandez, Stripped Of Their Title, VMAs, White Lady
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