Over the last 3 1/2 years of maintaining this site, we’ve developed alter egos.
Before you think we’ve gone totally crazeballs, let me just say that we didn’t develop these alter egos ourselves. No, see, they were developed for us. Who knows? Maybe they even exist. Maybe they’re our selves in a Sliding Doors-kind of parallel universe. Maybe they’re already planted in our subconsciousness a la Inception, and they’re more real than the real. All we know is we get email and Facebook messages for them all the time.
Their names are JAN and DIANE.
Like us, they’re BFF. Like us, they think of themselves as sisters. Unlike us, Jan and Diane have closets full of mock turtlenecks, their favorite restaurant is the Olive Garden (Intern Jasmine’s theory), they actually have savings accounts, they’re cat people, they love to drink cocktails that are first and foremost the colors of pretty bridesmaid dresses, they majored in something useful in college, and they’re not disappointing to their Hardass Asian Parents.
But enough out of “Jen and Diana,” meet our better halves…
This is Jan and Diane at their computers, not grumpily blogging, still half-asleep at midday, but happily using Quicken at the crack of dawn to keep track of their money (P.S. That’s decaf in the red mug):
This is Jan and Diane at their day jobs, where they make their oodles of money that they then have to keep track of with their personal accounting software (JAN: That cancer’s inoperable. He has about 6 months to live. DIANE: Mmm. Interesting.):
This is Jan and Diane letting their hair down once a year, when they allow themselves to dress up like pretend sluts for Halloween, because it’s the ONLY acceptable time of the year to show some skin, because they’re not REAL sluts, you know, because real sluts are vulgar and gross and no one ever wants to marry them, because, you know, of that whole getting milk from the cow for free thing:
And speaking of marriage! This is Jan and Diane getting married at their double wedding, which is EXACTLY how they pictured it, where the only fight they got into in the planning of it was over who would get to wear white lace gloves with her Vera Wang, which resulted in a teaching moment for Jan and Diane about compromise and sharing, which they cried about while toasting each other at their double bachelorette party, which was in–where else?–Vegas, Baby:
Maybe we should have Jan and Diane guest-blog for us?
Start a fan page for them on Facebook?
Let them take over our Twitter account?
Because they sound like a whole lot of fun. Like, barrels and barrels of it.
16 Responses to “Meet Our Alter Egos, Jan & Diane”
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