From Guest Contributor, Intern Jasmine:
When I heard Pinaysian singing sensasian Charice was going to be guest-starring on Glee, I was stoked. She’s young, she’s cute, she can sang, and Oprah loves her. On the show, she could form a Voltron-like Asian power triumvirate with Jenna “Tina Cohen-Chang” Ushkowitz and Harry “Mike Chang/Other Asian” Shum, Jr.
So I was surprised – okay, shocked – when I heard that Charice, in preparation for her Glee debut, in some Botox and a skin-tightening treatment called Thermage. In a press conference with her cosmetologist, who performed the Thermage on her on camera, Charice confessed to wanting “to look fresh on camera” for the show.
Yeah, because we all know how fucking haggard 18 year old girls can look.
Doctor Vicki Belo explained:
“Charice’s face, I’ve been noticing, it’s been getting wider… That’s why she looks mataba, although the body is very small, because [her] face is getting wide. One of the reasons for that, nagchew-chewing gum [siya]… Our chewing muscles, if you chew a lot of gums, it gets bigger.”
So what she’s saying is that Charice’s adorable Asian moon face, supposedly the result of excessive gum-chewing, is so wide that it’s making the rest of her look fat. Clearly, it’s a threat that must be contained.
If that widening face isn’t stopped with the intervention of shots of botulism and a procedure that melts collagen IN YOUR FACE, it will get so wide that Charice won’t be able to fit through doorways without turning to the side. She’ll have to reserve three seats on the plane to the States to film her scenes for Glee. Show creator Ryan Murphy will have to shoot with extra-wide lenses to accommodate her ginormous jaw, which will block everything else in view. Which may not be so bad because, let’s face it, sometimes the choreography on the show is kinda wack anyway.
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