Unlike most of us, Roger Ebert doesn’t tweet just to read his own poorly-abbreviated words. So last Friday, when he suggested on Twitter that Coffee Party founder Annabel Park and Sarah Palin should chat, emphasizing that he was “very serious,” people indeed took the idea very seriously–Park herself has sparked to the challenge, and the Facebook group Annabel Park v. Sarah Palin Debate already sports 1,300+ members.
We’re not convinced Palin would ever agree to have an honest, fair, even-keeled dialog with Park (or anybody that doesn’t instantly respond to her favorite call words: USA! RULES! TEA! PARTY! OBAMA! IS A MUSLIM KENYAN SOCIALIST! NEWSPAPERS! ALL OF ‘EM! GOTCHA! GOTCHA!). But if this fantasy conversation ever did happen, we imagine it would be quite illuminating. Perhaps something like…
PARK: It’s a pleasure to sit down with you, Mrs. Palin. Thanks for speaking with me.
PALIN: Ohh, you think I’m gonna fall for that one, dontchoo? You sneaky little buggers!
PARK: I’m not sure I know what you mean.
PALIN: I’m not falling into any of your socialist liberal commie traps, MIZ Park!
PARK: Please—just call me Annabel.
PALIN: Okay, Annabel. Can I call ya Ann?
PARK: Well, I guess so, I mean–but that’s not actually my name.
PALIN: Oh Ann, we gals know how to shake things up, don’t we? Why don’t we talk a little about how we gals in power really shimmy-shake things up?
PARK: I don’t know if I would call myself–
PALIN: Oh ANN, work with me here! This is a conversation, isn’t it? Don’t be so uptight! (winks)
PARK: Would you like a cup of coffee?
PALIN: We call it joe where I’m from, missy. That’s Alaska. It’s Main Street. We don’t drink all that fancy shmancy coffee on Main Street!
PARK: What do you drink?
PALIN: Tea, of course!
PARK: Tea is less fancy than coffee?
PALIN: Don’t you “gotcha” me, Ann.
PARK: Mrs. Palin–
PALIN: Call me Sarah. Or Sar.
PARK: Thank you. Sarah–I think we actually share more common ground than you think. I’m not interested in judging you or your politics, I’m not here to bust you. But I do want to talk about some of the major issues that our government faces—we need everybody working together if we’re going to see any progress.
PALIN: Ugh, you progressives are always about PROGRESS.
PARK: I’m talking about moving forward. It’s not a bad thing. We have problems and we need solutions!
PALIN: You heard me.
PARK: Somebody that is as high profile as yourself has the potential to really influence people to actually get educated and be active for the common good in this country. If we weren’t just attacking each other all the time, we might actually be able to push forth some real change.
PALIN: Oh, it’s time to refudiate change.
PARK: Sarah, I’m not sure you’re listening to me. If all you do is naysay everything, and rustle up fear and anger in the people that follow you, nothing will ever get done in this country.
PALIN: Mmm, I think you’re missing the point.
PARK: Which is?
PALIN: All those scared people are still following me.
PARK: Wow. You might be smarter than everyone thinks.
PALIN: Mmm-hmm. Gotcha.
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