NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! NOT OKAY!
A city in Japan has banned beards at the workplace to cut down the need for summer air conditioning and reduce their carbon footprint. Seriously.
From Sky News:
The northeastern city of Isesaki says forcing office workers not to sport facial hair will mean they are less likely to need the air conditioning on in the summer months.
Civil servants are already being encouraged to forego jackets and ties during hot weather as part of a “Cool Biz” campaign.
A city official said there had been no complaints from employees since the ban was introduced last month and that it was a necessary part of Cool Biz.
The campaign was introduced in 2005 by the Japanese Ministry of Environment in an attempt to cut the country’s consumption of electricity, thereby reducing Japan’s carbon footprint.
Y’all, I love the planet so very much. Reducing one’s carbon footprint is super hot. And I admire the intent of the uh, poorly-named “Cool Biz” campaign, since most of the stories I hear about Japan’s relationship with the environment these days include buying off fellow IWC countries with hookers and coin to protect illegal whaling practices.
But beards… I love beards, too. And beards are so, so, so, so, sooooooo very hot. A ban on beards just sounds like a smooth-faced stampdown on FREEDOM! If a man has the ability to grew a full, even, single-color beard–by god, shouldn’t he? And can’t he decide whether or not he’s too hot (hehe) with it? And if he really is that hot (hehe), shouldn’t he just take his shirt off to stay cool [biz]? And just maybe, shouldn’t he lounge hotly, ever so handsomely, with his full beard and no shirt and rock-hard abs and crinkly smile lines and strong hands, gazing at me with come-hither eyes? Shouldn’t he…
UM. I mean, shouldn’t he just be left alone to do his work? Shouldn’t he just get work done?
Eh, fuck it. If any guy* in Isesaki finds himself unemployed due to his hot beard, there are always job openings available at DISGRASIAN HQ for intern’s interns, t-shirt auditioners, bath assistants and pool boys. All qualified** applicants, come on down!
Filed under: Air Conditioning, Ban On Beards In The Workplace, Beards, Beards Are Hot, Cool Biz Campaign, Diana's Pervy Fantasies, Environmentalism, Isesaki, Japan, Job Openings, Lame Excuses For Rigid Policies, Planet Earth, Pool Boys, We're Always Hiring, Weird Japanese Behavior
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