Because, bottom line, we really can’t handle watching some gross, bloated, neanderthal douchetool squeezing his gross, bloated, neanderthal belly.
And who can’t eat french food without shitting his pants.
And who can’t shit his pants without talking about it.
Or someone who has to “act stoned” to be stoned. Guaranteed this fool looked at the wall and said, “I see moving colors” or something. Jesus Christ. These dorks make Britney and KFed look erudite.
Or someone whose (former) girlfriend has the ability to make delicious, curvaceous, crunchy Pringles look NOT-THAT-TASTY.
Or someone whose (former) girlfriend looks like a person that can’t help but smell like sweat, musky perfume (a cardinal sin in our book), stale Pringles, cigarette ash, and old hair.
Or someone who ever starred on ANYTHING “plus 8.”
And grew soooooooo tired of cameras ruining his family’s life, but felt it was a good idea to continue documenting the minutiae of his gross, bloated life with a shitty little camera.
While getting stoned with his gross (former) girlfriend thousands of miles away from the “8″ and his estranged (but still) wife.
A video that would potentially (hopefully) be leaked online at some point in the future, hopefully at a time when the tabloids were no longer a-callin’ and Christian Audigier stopped returning calls.
Never passing the pipe to JGoss. NEVAH.
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