First, the bad news: North Korea’s being a dick again.
After South Korea ran an anti-submarine exercise early Thursday–a response to the March torpedo attack committed by North Korea on the Cheonan, a South Korean naval vessel–North Korea got all pissy and issued a stern warning to its neighbors via the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA), North Korea’s state-run news agency.
Now, the good: North Korea’s warning to South Korea is HILARIOUS. The KCNA is a world leader in generating purple prose, and here’s what it had to say this time (via CNN):
“Now that the puppet group challenged the DPRK [North Korea] formally and blatantly, the DPRK will react to confrontation with confrontation, and to a war with an all-out war,” according the KCNA news agency.
The news agency referred to South Korean leaders as a “group of traitors” and said they would experience “unheard of disastrous consequences” if they misunderstand North Korea’s will.
This statement comes a day after this one, which was also issued to South Korea (edited for some semblance of brevity):
As already reported, the south Korean puppet military gangsters have carved slogans for anti-DPRK psychological warfare on walls of MP posts in the Demilitarized Zone along the Military Demarcation Line and are busy resuming the loudspeaker propaganda as part of the said warfare.
The head of the north side delegation to the north-south general-level military talks Wednesday sent the following notice to the south side as regards the reckless moves of the bellicose forces of the puppet military to resume the psychological warfare against the DPRK:
…Such act is nothing but a deliberate and premeditated provocation aimed to push the daily aggravating inter-Korean relations to the brink of war.
…If the south side sets up even loudspeakers in the frontline area to resume the broadcasting, in particular, the KPA will take military steps to blow up one by one the moment they appear by firing sighting shots because such action will be tantamount to a blatant abrogation of the north-south military agreement and a military provocation against the DPRK.
…The south Korean puppet war-like forces would be well advised to act with discretion, bearing deep in mind that such measures of the KPA will not end in an empty talk.
“(T)he reckless moves of the bellicose forces of the puppet military to resume the psychological warfare”?
Can I steal that for my band name?! It would be a death metal band, obvs.
Filed under: Cheonan, KCNA, Kim Jong Il, Korean Central News Agency, North Korea, North Korea Is a Dick, North Korea Is a Joke, North Korea Is No Joke, Propaganda, Purple Prose, Pyongyang, South Korea, State-Run News Agencies, Torpedo Attack on the Cheonan
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