The Lost Finale: Everyone’s Really Really Really, Like, For Seriously, Dead

May 25th, 2010 | 13 comments | Posted by Jen

Okay. Let me get this straight. I spent 6 seasons watching Lost, patiently waiting for all to be revealed, only to discover that:

1) Our boyfriend This hot piece who we thought was dead–not once, but twice–is actually [SPOILER ALERT] really dead?

2) And this guy with the awesome, island-humidified Jheri Curl who we also thought was dead–not once, but twice–is also actually [SPOILER ALERT] really dead?

3) And this crazazy chick, who gave birth on the island during season 1, who we thought was dead after season 4, who turned up alive in season 6 with an awful-looking weave, is actually [SPOILER ALERT] really dead? And so, as it happens, is her baby? [CORRECTION: This crazazy chick is not yet dead. In the now that is. I just wanted her dead so I'd never have to hear her say "Chah-lee!" in that grating accent ever again. My bad.]

4) And this guy with the man-boobs, who we thought was dead–only to discover that he was alive, only to discover that he was dead and that some Evil Smoke Thingy was inhabiting his body, man-boobs and all, only to discover that he was still alive in a parallel universe–is also actually [SPOILER ALERT] really dead?

5) And this annoying princess, who died back in season 1, which was so long ago that we forgot she was even on the show, that’s how dead she was, who was brought back so that she and some dead guy (see #2) could be together at long last is actually, [MAJOR SPOILER ALERT] like, totally and completely and yet somehow still forgettably dead?

You know who else was dead after Sunday’s finale? Besides, like, everybody?

[SPOILER ALERT] ME.

AND I WANT MY LIFE BACK GODAMMIT. I WANT THOSE SIX YEARS OF MY LIFE BACK.

[Entertainment Weekly: Lost finale recap, part two: Step into the light]

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13 Responses to “The Lost Finale: Everyone’s Really Really Really, Like, For Seriously, Dead”

  1. akirasmom says:

    Um, I think the point was that we’re all going to die eventually (as Jack’s dad said, “There’s no now here.”) and that in the meantime we should try to form meaningful relationships with other people (which hopefully we’ll be able to do without being thrust into such extreme circumstances). But props for pointing out Sayid’s Jheri curls, Locke’s moobs, and Shannon’s forgettable quality. ;)

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  3. Jen says:

    @akirasmom I hear you, but did it leave you satisfied? I feel like I went in wanting steak but all I got was salad.

  4. downs says:

    The only place where everyone was actually dead (but appeared to be living) was in the sideways universe. All the island action was still real. The Ajira plane actually flew away & Hurley became the new Jacob, etc. So basically we were only tricked into thinking Sawyer was a cop & Jack/Juliet had a kid. And that only happened in the past season. It’s reasonable to ask for one year of your life back :)

  5. Jen says:

    OH MY GAW MY HEAD HURTS. When does the next Twilight movie come out? Werewolves, vampires, and sparkly skin are so much easier on the brain.

  6. akirasmom says:

    Yes, it did. However, I’m an optimistic vegetarian and I have a special affection for the show because it was filmed where I live. ;)

  7. akirasmom says:

    I should add that I agree with downs about being able to ask for one year of your life back, though. And that year should be when we were subjected to season 2. ;)

  8. johnminh says:

    I like Shyaporn’s Lost in 10 seconds: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdSu1dXDP5o

  9. alperryman says:

    I have to agree…it was kind of a cop-out. No answers about the island, just answers about the “parallel universe”.

    Well except to say that everything on the island “really happened”.

    Fffft.

  10. rockmanj says:

    I was totally satisfied. I don’t know as a LOST geek, it gave me closure, and was quite a neat little message at the end. There was also a lot of crying (I blame all the dust in my room/onion fumes/allergies) while watching the finale. Although it is getting annoying having to explain the “sideways” world to my friends.

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