You are currently browsing the archives for May, 2010

Caption This: The iPad Hits Japan

Kazuki Miura (below right), was the first customer in line at a Harajuku shop selling the iPad, which launched Friday in Japan and Europe. The iPad headbands were, according to the Wall Street Journal, a promotional thing courtesy of Gizmodo Japan:

Also courtesy of Gizmodo Japan, a little iPad…MAGIC!

[via HuffPo]
[WSJ: Apple iPad Headbands and Japan's Neverending Lines]
[Gizmodo Japan]

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Softass Asian Parents

By now you may have seen the Internet-famous photos of Ardi Rizal, a 2-year-old Indonesian boy with a 2-pack-a-day habit.

Bad parenting blows

Although we will admit he’s got a pretty cool smoking style (very Goodfellas! Oh I kid, I kid), photos of the tot on a little truck actually reveal a really frightening fact–Rizal’s smoking has affected his health so much that he can barely move himself without those plastic wheels.

Homeboy is a smoker. And his parents apparently can’t–or won’t–do anything about it.

From Daily Mail:

“[D]espite local officials’ offer to buy the Rizal family a new car if the boy quits, his parents feel unable to stop him because he throws massive tantrums if they don’t indulge him.

His mother, Diana, 26, wept: ‘He’s totally addicted. If he doesn’t get cigarettes, he gets angry and screams and batters his head against the wall. He tells me he feels dizzy and sick.’

Ardi will smoke only one brand and his habit costs his parents £3.78 a day in Musi Banyuasin, in Indonesia’s South Sumatra province.”

So waaaaaaaitaminute. This TODDLER has no degrees, no job, no promise of athletic glory or public office. He costs his parents £4 a day because he’s picky about his pack and his dad doesn’t see a problem? Who’s the boss here? If my late Hardass Asian Grandma read about this situation, she’d probably smack me just to make sure I didn’t get any wild ideas!

But anyway, here’s a solution: Let’s get Cesar Millan over to Indonesia to rehabilitate this little smoke fiend and train those parents! Sheesh.

[Daily Mail: Too Unfit To Run - Two-Year-Old Who Smokes 40 Cigarettes A Day Puffs Away On A Toy Truck]

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Thanks, Heather!

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Asians Love A Discount: Ebates.com Review [Sponsored]

FACT: Asians love a discount.

For this reason, it used to embarrass the hell outta me when I was a kid to go shopping with my Hardass Asian Mom, who never paid full price for anything and always found a way to get what she wanted on sale even if it wasn’t. Like, she’d find a loose thread on a pair of pants and argue for ten percent off. Or she’d see some microscopic flaw in the weaving of the fabric of some blouse and argue for twenty-five off, while I quietly died of humiliation next to the cash register.

BUT. Now that I’m a grown-up, and the money I spend is the money I have to earn, I’m a bit more like my mom than I’d like to admit. (And, really, it’s futile trying to shake the lessons your Hardass Asian Mom’s drilled into you anyway, whether it’s about staying out of the sun so you can look young forever or knowing how to tie the perfect knot on a plastic leftovers bag to avoid spillage of said bag’s contents or never walking around the house–or anywhere for that matter–barefoot.)

So I was pretty stoked when Ebates.com decided to sponsor us to use their site and blog about it. Because as bloggers, we rarely get paid to blog. And as shoppers, we NEVER get paid to shop. Actually, as bloggers, we kinda never get paid to blog, either. Sigh. But I digress.

What the hell is Ebates, you ask? Basically it’s a site that gives out discounts on stuff you buy from its participating stores. What seems to set the site apart from similar coupon sites is that Ebates also gives you cash back every time you shop, and the cash is paid to you quarterly, either by check or Paypal. The cash back is some percentage of your purchase total, and while some of the percentages seem small–1.0% off at Apple, 1.5% off at Virgin Atlantic Airways–who’s going to look down their nose at FREE MONEY?! Refusing free money is not only not Asian, it’s straight-up DISGRASIAN, y’all.

Sign-up is easy. First of all, it’s free. Second, it only involves putting in your email and a password, then you’re good to go. Normally, they give you $5 back just for signing up, but if you click the Ebates banner at the top of our blog, you’ll get $8.88 back. (Plus that will help convince them to keep advertising with us, which will make us less broke, which will enable us to blog more, which will make us happy, which, in turn, will make you happy? Yes?)

Continue reading Asians Love A Discount: Ebates.com Review [Sponsored]

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Justin Chon




Happy birthday to Justin Chon, alum of the Twilight movies that I know are so terrible but make me ssssweat, who turns 29 on Saturday. Here he is, pictured in licking distance of my boyfriend Jacob Black with actor Taylor Lautner, probably commiserating about how neither of them will ever get to make out with Kristen Stewart.

May they both* find alternative ladies to kiss. Ahem.

*I looked Lautner up, guys. He’s 18. My love for him is sooooooo okay.**
**You be quiet, Jen! I can picture you rolling your eyes! Just let me cougar down in peace!

[Wikipedia: Justin Chon]

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ROCK OF OMGMAKEITSTOP-asian: I Will Always Love Lip Syncing

I’m still trying to figure out what inspired this interpretation of Dolly Parton’s best-selling classic, “I Will Always Love You,” at a youth (!!!) lip syncing contest in The Philippines:





Perhaps, like us, they’ve seen too many recent pictures of Whitney Houson (the diva that gave the song its second life in the 90s) and the only way to break free of her horrific image is a powdery exorcism of colossal proportions???





Hunh. Toooooootally makes sense then.

[via Urlesque]

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Thanks, Abe!

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Apple FTW

On Wednesday, Apple’s market cap moved past Microsoft’s by $3 billion, which had CNN Money declaring Microsoft “no longer the industry’s alpha dog.”

CNN Money interviewed a couple experts on what Microsoft had to do to continue keeping up with the Jobses, with one analyst suggesting:

“They have to continue to try to find other businesses, otherwise growth is always going to be bound by the PC market. Wall Street believes in Apple because Apple continues to put out new products that capture the imaginations of the press and tech pundits. Microsoft just hasn’t been able to come up with a new multi billion dollar business like Apple.”

And while we’re no experts, we are a target demo, as the owners of about a dozen Apple products between us, so here’s another suggestion:

Continue reading Apple FTW

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Uh-Oh, North Korea’s Being A Dick Again

First, the bad news: North Korea’s being a dick again.

After South Korea ran an anti-submarine exercise early Thursday–a response to the March torpedo attack committed by North Korea on the Cheonan, a South Korean naval vessel–North Korea got all pissy and issued a stern warning to its neighbors via the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA), North Korea’s state-run news agency.

Now, the good: North Korea’s warning to South Korea is HILARIOUS. The KCNA is a world leader in generating purple prose, and here’s what it had to say this time (via CNN):

“Now that the puppet group challenged the DPRK [North Korea] formally and blatantly, the DPRK will react to confrontation with confrontation, and to a war with an all-out war,” according the KCNA news agency.

The news agency referred to South Korean leaders as a “group of traitors” and said they would experience “unheard of disastrous consequences” if they misunderstand North Korea’s will.

This statement comes a day after this one, which was also issued to South Korea (edited for some semblance of brevity):

As already reported, the south Korean puppet military gangsters have carved slogans for anti-DPRK psychological warfare on walls of MP posts in the Demilitarized Zone along the Military Demarcation Line and are busy resuming the loudspeaker propaganda as part of the said warfare.

The head of the north side delegation to the north-south general-level military talks Wednesday sent the following notice to the south side as regards the reckless moves of the bellicose forces of the puppet military to resume the psychological warfare against the DPRK:

…Such act is nothing but a deliberate and premeditated provocation aimed to push Continue reading Uh-Oh, North Korea’s Being A Dick Again

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A Misha Chan(ge) of Heart?

It’s almost a shame that So You Can Think You Can Dance alum Lauren Gottlieb, who once revealed in a package on the show that she frequently took auditions as an Asian alter-ego named Misha Chan, has finally learned the wise lesson not to read about herself online.




Okay, perhaps we had something to do with that.

Now she’ll probably never know that we read the Zap2It article and actually felt a shade of empathy for the girl. Gottlieb spoke of how the 2007 show package was produced in a way that obliterated the context: editing and producing made her cute little “Misha” character come across a way that made her (and Asian American viewers) feel icky. And it made her sad to read that we almond-eyes found her alter-ego to be pretty damn douchey.

We get that. We understand that. See, guys? We’re not so harsh, after all!

Still, though… WHAT THE FUCK KINDA NAME IS MISHA CHAN? FO REALZ???

[Zap2It: 'SYTYCD' Lauren Gottlieb's All-Star Advice - 'Don't Look Online']

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The Lost Finale: Everyone’s Really Really Really, Like, For Seriously, Dead

Okay. Let me get this straight. I spent 6 seasons watching Lost, patiently waiting for all to be revealed, only to discover that:

1) Our boyfriend This hot piece who we thought was dead–not once, but twice–is actually [SPOILER ALERT] really dead?

2) And this guy with the awesome, island-humidified Jheri Curl who we also thought was dead–not once, but twice–is also actually [SPOILER ALERT] really dead?

3) And this crazazy chick, who gave birth on the island during season 1, who we thought Continue reading The Lost Finale: Everyone’s Really Really Really, Like, For Seriously, Dead

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Ann Curry Was Wrong, Therefore We R2

Y’all know we’ve always thought Ann Curry was a robot. A really silky-voiced, smooth-skinned, awkward-dancing, non-aging robot programmed to never have her lipstick smudge and to have a fangirl’s devotion to Brad Pitt.

BUT WE WERE WRONG.

Because over the weekend, Ann Curry made a mistake. While giving the commencement address at Wheaton College in Massachusetts, she confused it with the Wheaton College in Illinois by citing the latter’s illustrious alumni, which include evangelist Billy Graham, director Wes Craven, and 9/11 hero Todd Beamer.

Proof positive that Ann is…human?

DOES NOT COMPUTE, DOES NOT COMPUTE.

Read her charming apology here, where she asks for forgiveness twice and admits, “I am mortified by my mistake.” She may not be a robot, but feeling shame over making a very public mistake means she’s most definitely Asian.

[via HuffPo]

Thanks, Shaheen and Dave!

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BABEWATCH: YouTube Makeup Guru Michelle Phan

Name: Michelle Phan

Age: 23

Occupation: Makeup artist, YouTube sensation, and Lancôme spokesperson

Why She’s a Babe: Because as YouTube’s #1 beauty vlogger–her videos have been viewed over 150 million times–Michelle Phan is helping other chicks look like babes, and that’s a beautiful thing. Also, it takes courage to face millions of viewers without a lick of makeup–you may not know it, but we wear a shit-ton when we vlog–and au naturel is how she begins each video. (It helps, of course, that Michelle’s skin is flawless and seems to be utterly lacking in pores. Bitch!) While some of the Vietnamese American makeup artist’s tutorials are cute gimmicks–like the Barbie doll one, a look she demo’ed without using a mirror–and some verge on the clichésian, like the Geisha Halloween or Anime Eyes videos, many of her videos are just plain useful, which explains why Lancôme recently signed her as their official video makeup artist in an unprecedented contract for someone who got their start on the interwebz. Peep our favorites below. Even if you’re not into makeup, you may find yourself mesmerized by Michelle’s eerily calm demeanor and soothing voice.

Makeup For Glasses (aka Makeup For Diana):

5 Minutes Makeup (aka Makeup For Really Fucking Impatient People, aka Makeup For Jen):

Continue reading BABEWATCH: YouTube Makeup Guru Michelle Phan

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Laura Ling

Name: Laura Ling

Age: 33

Hails from: Los Angeles

Occupation: Journalist

Known for: Speaking up when no one else will. Those of us who weren’t already familiar with Ling’s work on Current TV’s Vanguard documentary series quickly got to know her last year when, while shooting a segment on human trafficking for the show, she (with shooter/producer Euna Lee) was arrested on the Chinese/North Korean border and detained by the North Korean government. Interested parties around the world bit their fingernails as few details emerged about the girls’ situation, while they were sentenced to twelve years in a labor camp and subsequently pardoned after a noisy media campaign helmed by sister Lisa and a visit to Kim Jong Il by envoy President Clinton.

To ensure her release, Ling’s agreement with the North Korean government included no public reports on North Korean human rights abuses. But she’s speaking out about both the issue and her captivity—with a book, through news outlets, and on the largest podium on the planet: Oprah.

She says:

In June, I stood before a North Korean judge and expressed my hope that the United States and North Korea might one day establish closer relations. That desire still exists.

I also promised that if released, I would never report on the issue of defectors or North Korean human rights abuses again. That is an oath I cannot keep as long as the people of North Korea remain silenced.

This chick’s got balls and a voice, and she’s not afraid to use them.

[Wikipedia: Laura Ling]
[CNN: Silence Is An Oath I Can't Keep]
[Amazon: Somewhere Inside - One Sister's Captivity in North Korea and the Other's Fight to Bring Her Home]

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