SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: RIP Chan Ho Park’s Beard

April 5th, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Opening Day of baseball began with a moment of silence for the death of…

Before and Whatever

Chan Ho Park’s Beard.

Oh, Chan Ho Park’s Beard. We hardly knew you. Your life was cut short–no pun intended, this is a eulogy for fuck’s sake–and you did not make it long enough–ahem–to see your first year. But you accomplished great things in the precious little time you were with us. Is it a coincidence that around the time of your birth, The Face That Wore You had one of his best seasons in recent history? We think not. Is it a coincidence that only after you arrived, The Face That Wore You pitched in his first World Series? Nay.

Yet The Face That Wore You never understood your magic. He began to doubt you back in October, when his team lost to The Team That Forbids You. Surely it was then, as he witnessed their beard-murdering faces, one after the other, beating down his tribe with their wood clubs, that he began to plot your end. And later when The Face That Wore You switched allegiances to The Team That Forbids You, he all but signed your death sentence. Is it any wonder that in his first outing without you, victory eluded him? Does The Face That Wore You have any idea that, without you, he’s doomed to failure (in baseball and in hotness)?

We can only hope your death by the blade was quick and painless.

We can only hope you are on a better face now.

[photo via Nerve]

Filed under: , , , , , , , ,

3 Responses to “SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: RIP Chan Ho Park’s Beard”

  1. clawd says:

    HAHAHAHA Oh Jen, how did you find my ass on the web? I LOVE facial hair on men! mmmm

  2. Jen says:

    Mmmm is right! (BTW, that tattoo is from the Hipster Grifter. Which leads me to wonder…are you the Hipster Grifter???)

  3. clawd says:

    haha, if only. Sorry to disappoint. I don’t got the balls to ink faces on any part of my body – bearded or not.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

karatekid

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 5: Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

April 26th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Not all martials arts movies look same.

The cast of HBO's 'Girls'

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 4: Was The HBO ‘Girls’ Controversy About Racism Or Sexism?

April 25th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Girl talk.

Peter-Beste9

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 3, aka Hump Day: What To Do When Your Friend Likes Racist Music

April 24th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Should you dump a friend who likes racist stuff?

office space

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 2: Workplace Segregation + A Little History Lesson

April 23rd, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Don’t hate, integrate.

I was trying to give Andrew bunny ears, but I ended up throwing an Asian peace sign instead. Yo, I think that's racist.

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 1: Natural Hair

April 22nd, 2013 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

Wherein we take all of your racist questions. (Some of them, anyway.)

Photo by Lee-Jin Man/AP

Creepy Photo Of S. Korean Soldier Wielding Machine Gun In Front Of Laughing Children Kinda Sums Up Where We Are At This Juncture

April 18th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Peace.

2013-03-29-01-01

If North Korea Attacks Us, I Have Just One Favor To Ask God

April 5th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

North Korea is so hot right now.

Screen Shot 2013-02-28 at 11.22.12 AM

Michelle Malkin Desperately Wants To Be Michelle Obama

February 28th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Wannabe.

Screen Shot 2012-12-05 at 2.52.57 PM

Penn State Sorority Girls Will Work For Weed & Beer

December 5th, 2012 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Viva racism!

bfbutt

Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian: The Ass Pants & Butt-Rubbing Edition

November 30th, 2012 | 1 comment | Posted by jasmine

We here at DISGRASIAN™ are going to use our buying power to buy as many Samsung butt-rubbed phones as we can.

ama_psy_and_hammer_this_one_0

Things I Thought I’d Never See: A Dude Rapping In Korean At The American Music Awards

November 19th, 2012 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Gangnam Time? Hammer Style?

dj-twinkie2-blog480

RIP Twinkies, RIP Name Asians Like To Call Other Asians Who Are Less Asian Than They Are

November 16th, 2012 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

How are we going to insult one another now?!